18 and feeling awful, does anyone I know need to find out?

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littlemix012
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Hi,

Can't make this post anonymous so will keep this short and vague. I've had depression for two and a half years now, and I'm sure you all know what thoughts occur in someone's mind when they are severely depressed. Well that's been happening to me, and I'm thinking of letting school know. I'm 18, so will they ring home? If they do, then I'd rather bear it out myself and find some coping mechanisms


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chelseadagg3r
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(Original post by littlemix012)
Hi,

Can't make this post anonymous so will keep this short and vague. I've had depression for two and a half years now, and I'm sure you all know what thoughts occur in someone's mind when they are severely depressed. Well that's been happening to me, and I'm thinking of letting school know. I'm 18, so will they ring home? If they do, then I'd rather bear it out myself and find some coping mechanisms


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I don't see why they would. Generally, at 18 they'll do things through you anyway. It'd be wise to let them know, and if you're worried just mention that it's to stay between the school and yourself
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Go see your Doctor. Get help. My view is that I'd rather exist than not, so you should do whatever it takes to be happy, including medication. It's not worth wasting your life being down.
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username1339858_
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You can ask them to keep it confidential so it only stays between you and school.
As far as I know they do not ring home, however if you don't want that happening and want to be pecautious then tell them that you want it to stay between you.
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littlemix012
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(Original post by chelseadagg3r)
I don't see why they would. Generally, at 18 they'll do things through you anyway. It'd be wise to let them know, and if you're worried just mention that it's to stay between the school and yourself


The thing is my year manager has told me to go to A&E if I get severe, my other year manager didn't do anything like that! Just rang CAMHS, so I'm a bit wary

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Kindred
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(Original post by littlemix012)
Hi,

Can't make this post anonymous so will keep this short and vague. I've had depression for two and a half years now, and I'm sure you all know what thoughts occur in someone's mind when they are severely depressed. Well that's been happening to me, and I'm thinking of letting school know. I'm 18, so will they ring home? If they do, then I'd rather bear it out myself and find some coping mechanisms


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They never spoke to my parents when I talked to them even when I was younger. Some people did ask if they knew though, I think mostly so they wouldn't accidentally out me at the upcoming parents evening. I can't guarentee that they won't, but I doubt they will, especially if you ask for it to be kept private. The only reason they would be likely to tell anybody is if they thought you were at significant risk, simmilar to how it works with counselling and therapy.

I would suggest you make an appointment to see your head of year, headteacher or somebody else you trust and would be relitively open with and tell then that you are having issues but would rather your parents didn't know.
It can definately help letting school know cos they can keep and eye out for if you are getting more stressed and help lighten the load, but I would also suggest you talk to a doctor to see if you could get some sort of treatment like counselling or therapy. I know you might be concerned about your parents finding out but you can always tell them you are going for a different reason.
Your school may also have a counsellor you could see so you could ask about that.
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doodle_333
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It's possible they contact your parents if they feel you're at risk of harming yourself and need protecting, however you should talk to someone.
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littlemix012
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(Original post by Kindred)
They never spoke to my parents when I talked to them even when I was younger. Some people did ask if they knew though, I think mostly so they wouldn't accidentally out me at the upcoming parents evening. I can't guarentee that they won't, but I doubt they will, especially if you ask for it to be kept private. The only reason they would be likely to tell anybody is if they thought you were at significant risk, simmilar to how it works with counselling and therapy.

I would suggest you make an appointment to see your head of year, headteacher or somebody else you trust and would be relitively open with and tell then that you are having issues but would rather your parents didn't know.
It can definately help letting school know cos they can keep and eye out for if you are getting more stressed and help lighten the load, but I would also suggest you talk to a doctor to see if you could get some sort of treatment like counselling or therapy. I know you might be concerned about your parents finding out but you can always tell them you are going for a different reason.
Your school may also have a counsellor you could see so you could ask about that.
Thanks for the help! I really don't want my parents finding out as they don't believe that I'm actually ill, and when I try do you know what then they make me feel really guilty about it! I'm not at significant risk, more at the thoughts stage but I had a bad experience with telling someone this a few years back

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Kindred
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(Original post by littlemix012)
Thanks for the help! I really don't want my parents finding out as they don't believe that I'm actually ill, and when I try do you know what then they make me feel really guilty about it! I'm not at significant risk, more at the thoughts stage but I had a bad experience with telling someone this a few years back

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That sounds awful. Maybe if you saw a doctor about it and got some evidence they would be more understanding? You could also try getting them to look at mh sites like mind.org to get a better understanding. I can see why you would want to keep things from them, but please don't let them get in the way of you getting help and improving.
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littlemix012
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(Original post by Kindred)
That sounds awful. Maybe if you saw a doctor about it and got some evidence they would be more understanding? You could also try getting them to look at mh sites like mind.org to get a better understanding. I can see why you would want to keep things from them, but please don't let them get in the way of you getting help and improving.
It seems like they find out everything, they went through my phone when I was asleep once. They found a text confirming a therapy appointment and hit the roof, like I'm never going to get a job because people will think I'm unreliable, they don't even believe that my mental illness exists! I've seen a GP but I'm sure you're aware of how useless they ar
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Kindred
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(Original post by littlemix012)
It seems like they find out everything, they went through my phone when I was asleep once. They found a text confirming a therapy appointment and hit the roof, like I'm never going to get a job because people will think I'm unreliable, they don't even believe that my mental illness exists! I've seen a GP but I'm sure you're aware of how useless they ar
I had to badger the doctors surgery until they did something. They didn't seem to take me seriously. Maybe cos I was a teenager I dunno. They did help eventually though.

I really think you need to do something about your parents. Do you think there is any way you could get them to actually understand? What if you got them to come to a family therapy session or got somebody to help you write a letter making things clear to them?

It must be really difficult dealing with your parents but please believe me when I tell you there is help for you and you can get better. You may need to push at times, but there are people there to help you.

You can look at sane.org, mind.org, samaritans and nhs for some info and advice. Most of them also have a supoer service of some sort. Samaritans has a phone and email service so if you are worried about your parents finding out you can email them then just delete the emails. You should also be able to see a counseor through your school. I immagine they can do it durin school so your parent's wouldn't know.
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littlemix012
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(Original post by Kindred)
I had to badger the doctors surgery until they did something. They didn't seem to take me seriously. Maybe cos I was a teenager I dunno. They did help eventually though.

I really think you need to do something about your parents. Do you think there is any way you could get them to actually understand? What if you got them to come to a family therapy session or got somebody to help you write a letter making things clear to them?

It must be really difficult dealing with your parents but please believe me when I tell you there is help for you and you can get better. You may need to push at times, but there are people there to help you.

You can look at sane.org, mind.org, samaritans and nhs for some info and advice. Most of them also have a supoer service of some sort. Samaritans has a phone and email service so if you are worried about your parents finding out you can email them then just delete the emails. You should also be able to see a counseor through your school. I immagine they can do it durin school so your parent's wouldn't know.
The thing is I've been ill for two and a half years now, their attitude towards it just seems to have gotten worse! This may sound sad but I'm sort of used to not having their support, and having to put pretty much all my trust in my head of year. I see her for a rant every week haha. She's referred me to counselling but the waiting list seems to be huge, it's been six weeks now!

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hodobikar
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(Original post by littlemix012)
Hi,

Can't make this post anonymous so will keep this short and vague. I've had depression for two and a half years now, and I'm sure you all know what thoughts occur in someone's mind when they are severely depressed. Well that's been happening to me, and I'm thinking of letting school know. I'm 18, so will they ring home? If they do, then I'd rather bear it out myself and find some coping mechanisms


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they will ring home, unfortunately. I had this happen to me ik it sucks message me
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Kindred
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(Original post by littlemix012)
The thing is I've been ill for two and a half years now, their attitude towards it just seems to have gotten worse! This may sound sad but I'm sort of used to not having their support, and having to put pretty much all my trust in my head of year. I see her for a rant every week haha. She's referred me to counselling but the waiting list seems to be huge, it's been six weeks now!

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I'm sorry to hear that. It must be hard not having their support. Is there anybody else you trust to talk to like a friend or another family member? It can help just having somebody who knows you're having a hard time even if you don't tell them everything.

Unfortionately there is a wait involved in a lot of things. I wish you could get to see the counsellor sooner, but just keep looking forward to that and remember that you do have support.

Try to build up the courage to see a doctor. You can check out mind.org for advice on your first appointment. Be as honest as possible when you are there. They can help you better if they know what's going on. And if you don't feel like you got what you needed out of it don't be afraid to go back. It's just like any physical condition, if the treatment doesn't work you tell them so they can try other stuff.
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littlemix012
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(Original post by hodobikar)
they will ring home, unfortunately. I had this happen to me ik it sucks message me
I really don't see why it's my parents' business, it's not like they're the caring type! Last time they told me the impact on my siblings, talk about a guilt trip! And I will do

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OxFossil
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In theory, they should only inform your parents against your wishes if they believe you are a risk of significant harm, or pose a risk to others. However, in practice, there is a lot of variation.

My experience is that GPs tend to be rather better at understanding this and recognising you as an adult than teachers - but some youth workers and school based counsellors (as opposed to teachers) can be pretty good.

Be honest with yourself too - are you sure that you can keep yourself safe? Family and/or friends are likely to be your biggest support in getting through depression. Some individuals need not know, but trying to tough it out completely alone is really, really difficult.

If it still seems too daunting, maybe think about contacting an online counselling/chat service like kooth.com or look at the websites kindred suggests? Samaritans helpline is open 24/7 and you can guarantee confidentiality there.

Courage!
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littlemix012
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(Original post by OxFossil)
In theory, they should only inform your parents against your wishes if they believe you are a risk of significant harm, or pose a risk to others. However, in practice, there is a lot of variation.

My experience is that GPs tend to be rather better at understanding this and recognising you as an adult than teachers - but some youth workers and school based counsellors (as opposed to teachers) can be pretty good.

Be honest with yourself too - are you sure that you can keep yourself safe? Family and/or friends are likely to be your biggest support in getting through depression. Some individuals need not know, but trying to tough it out completely alone is really, really difficult.

If it still seems too daunting, maybe think about contacting an online counselling/chat service like kooth.com or look at the websites kindred suggests? Samaritans helpline is open 24/7 and you can guarantee confidentiality there.

Courage!
Thanks for the help, I'm pretty sure I'm able to keep myself safe for now as I'll be at school so will probably be quite busy. But if I get any worse I don't think I'll be able to. As I've mentioned before, I've been to see two different GP's and they were both equally as useless, they told me a bunch of lifestyle changes which I found myself on the nhs website.
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OxFossil
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Yeah, unfortunately, not many GPs have the time (or inclination) to do much more than that.

Maybe they haven't suggested appointments with the practice counsellor because they want to be sure that a lesser level of help has been tried but hasn't worked? In other words, to escalate to the practice-based counsellor - assuming they have one - you would need to demonstrate to them that you have followed their 'first stage' advice (the lifestyle stuff etc) and you are still not improving. The things they are likely to be most concerned about would include; persistent low mood, most days, most of the time; increasing social isolation; increasing disruption to daily functioning; thoughts (and actions) of significant self harm. So make sure you mention these things, if they apply. The fact that you have been referred for school based counselling might also deter them - they might be waiting to see how that works for you.

Outside of that, have you been able to get a good idea of any other services that are available in your area? One possibility is to contact the local community youth service. They might have a youth worker worker trained in emotional/mental health stuff?
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shawn_o1
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It's funny how we increase stigma by talking about things that we intend to decrease the stigma of.
Anyway, I still think your nearest MH charity or community event will do more to help you out than a GP with no clue how to go about things.
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littlemix012
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(Original post by OxFossil)
Yeah, unfortunately, not many GPs have the time (or inclination) to do much more than that.

Maybe they haven't suggested appointments with the practice counsellor because they want to be sure that a lesser level of help has been tried but hasn't worked? In other words, to escalate to the practice-based counsellor - assuming they have one - you would need to demonstrate to them that you have followed their 'first stage' advice (the lifestyle stuff etc) and you are still not improving. The things they are likely to be most concerned about would include; persistent low mood, most days, most of the time; increasing social isolation; increasing disruption to daily functioning; thoughts (and actions) of significant self harm. So make sure you mention these things, if they apply. The fact that you have been referred for school based counselling might also deter them - they might be waiting to see how that works for you.

Outside of that, have you been able to get a good idea of any other services that are available in your area? One possibility is to contact the local community youth service. They might have a youth worker worker trained in emotional/mental health stuff?
I know that there's definitely a Samaritans branch, just not sure where haha! My GP doesn't know that I've been referred to counselling by school, it's a charity that provides counselling that my year manager has referred me to 2 months ago.

I've been to my GP numerous times and they still 'prescribe' the whole lifestyle changes, surely it'll be in my records or something! There is a mind charity I think that's nearby aswell

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