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Down, Depressed, Clueless Watch

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    The past 2 months have been the hardest of my life. I am only 19, but i feel like i won't be happy ever again.

    2 months ago i was happier than i realised - Got a new apprenticeship that i thought i was going to love, earning a great wage. Had a girlfriend who i loved (and still do) a lot, and had a great relationship.

    Fast forward two months... My girlfriend moved away to Uni, and we have since broken up, due to the distance (it takes 5+ hours to get to where she is, and also costs £200). This has certainly hit me hard, but not as hard as what i am about to explain.

    I went in to my apprenticeship with high hopes, thinking to myself this is the stepping stone for a career that i am going to enjoy and be passionate about - oh how wrong was I. Long story short, i absolutely hate the apprenticeship, its 100% not for me, BUT, i don't have a clue what else to do.. I am not super passionate about one particular thing, instead i have interests in many other fields, but finding a job in one of them seems completely impossible. I have been told i should go to uni, but again it begs the question - what the hell would i study? If i studied my favourite subject at A level (Economics), i'd most likely graduate and end up in a job similar to my apprenticeship, which would make me even more miserable than i already am. If i'm spending 9K+ a year i want to be absolutely sure that its what i want.

    So over the last 2 months i have become the lowest i have ever been. I rarely cry (being an 'alpha' male and all), but these last few months i have cried and cried... before work, on the way to work, during work, at home before bed. I have never felt such emotions and i just don't have a clue how i am going to get through it. I am constantly thinking about my future, asking myself what am i going to do? My parents have told me to quit the apprenticeship because it clearly makes me unhappy, which i agree with, but if i do what if i cant find anything that'll make me happy? These are the questions that are constantly racing around my head, non stop, all day.

    I hope for my sake that other people have experienced this, so i would like to ask anyone who is/has been in a similar position to me for some advice, on how to get over this rut in my life and get back to my normal happy self.

    Sorry it's long winded, but thankyou if you read it.
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    Cry for as long as you need to. Boys cry when their hearts are breaking- and it's something we've been given to help us cope.You may only be 19 but you're actually going through alot and break ups are very hard for anyone. Focus on getting better first.Do you journal? I would honestly recommend seeing a therapist or a counselor. You have time to decide what you actually want to do. My aunt only became a doctor when she was in her 40s. I just think you'll be able to figure it out better when you've got a clearer head.
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    I do know what it is like when you think you know what it is you want to do, and everything is going fine, and then suddenly... Bam! It stops, and you're left at the crossroads of life. But think about it this way: this is a time which is actually very important in your life - this is when you get an opportunity to stop, and ask yourself how you really wha to spend your time on Earth. You're not the only one who to have a moment like that - not knowing what to do, where to go, what to do with their life. You've figured out what you don't want to do, and that's good. Now, start looking around for something you do want to do - trust me, there is something out there that you are really going to feel passionate about.
    And actually, it's great that you realise how important it is to be passionate about what you do. Many people in your position would just carry through with what they're doing, and then be faced with a crappy life, in which they have a job which they don't enjoy in the least. So in fact, you're better off than the lot of them in this way. Right now, it probably feels like hell, and like you are just completely lost, but in five years' time, maybe you'll see this in a different light. You will get through this, you will. I don't care whether you like it or not, but I'll be praying for you! And you will find the path meant for you, and find something you're truly passionate about.
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    (Original post by Lemons1990)
    Cry for as long as you need to. Boys cry when their hearts are breaking- and it's something we've been given to help us cope.You may only be 19 but you're actually going through alot and break ups are very hard for anyone. Focus on getting better first.Do you journal? I would honestly recommend seeing a therapist or a counselor. You have time to decide what you actually want to do. My aunt only became a doctor when she was in her 40s. I just think you'll be able to figure it out better when you've got a clearer head.
    I don't journal, but when i'm feeling really low i write down what i'm thinking in an attempt to make sense of it all. I probably should get a counsellor, but i simply don't want to. I want to know that i can get through times like these without the need of professional help, but at the moment i don't know how because i have never experienced anything like it. I am still really stuck with the job situation, i'm not sure if i should leave because i hate it, and i am trying to make that my main focus right now. Thankyou for your comment mate
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I do know what it is like when you think you know what it is you want to do, and everything is going fine, and then suddenly... Bam! It stops, and you're left at the crossroads of life. But think about it this way: this is a time which is actually very important in your life - this is when you get an opportunity to stop, and ask yourself how you really wha to spend your time on Earth. You're not the only one who to have a moment like that - not knowing what to do, where to go, what to do with their life. You've figured out what you don't want to do, and that's good. Now, start looking around for something you do want to do - trust me, there is something out there that you are really going to feel passionate about.
    And actually, it's great that you realise how important it is to be passionate about what you do. Many people in your position would just carry through with what they're doing, and then be faced with a crappy life, in which they have a job which they don't enjoy in the least. So in fact, you're better off than the lot of them in this way. Right now, it probably feels like hell, and like you are just completely lost, but in five years' time, maybe you'll see this in a different light. You will get through this, you will. I don't care whether you like it or not, but I'll be praying for you! And you will find the path meant for you, and find something you're truly passionate about.
    Thanks man that helps, i really hope i do find something because im struggling with what i'm doing at the minute. I just don't want to be waking up every morning and dreading the next 12 hours because im in a place i don't want to be - especially whilst im young, i should be enjoying life.. right??
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't journal, but when i'm feeling really low i write down what i'm thinking in an attempt to make sense of it all. I probably should get a counsellor, but i simply don't want to. I want to know that i can get through times like these without the need of professional help, but at the moment i don't know how because i have never experienced anything like it. I am still really stuck with the job situation, i'm not sure if i should leave because i hate it, and i am trying to make that my main focus right now. Thankyou for your comment mate
    What do you think stops you seeking help? The only thing is the longer you hold on things the more they build up. Counselors have pretty much seen it all to be honest, and can just point out things we can't see for ourselves. Make a a pro and cons list but if it's affecting your health should be the first factor. Just try not to be too hard on yourself and see that you're doing the best that you can.
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    (Original post by Lemons1990)
    What do you think stops you seeking help? The only thing is the longer you hold on things the more they build up. Counselors have pretty much seen it all to be honest, and can just point out things we can't see for ourselves. Make a a pro and cons list but if it's affecting your health should be the first factor. Just try not to be too hard on yourself and see that you're doing the best that you can.
    Yeah when you put it like that, a counselor is probably my best bet. I just thought i'd never need one i guess, so that's what puts me off. My mum is a psychotherapist, so i'll get her to help, i haven't told her the half of what i've been feeling, which i know is a bad thing to do.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah when you put it like that, a counselor is probably my best bet. I just thought i'd never need one i guess, so that's what puts me off. My mum is a psychotherapist, so i'll get her to help, i haven't told her the half of what i've been feeling, which i know is a bad thing to do.
    I refused to get help for my depression because I was afraid it would affect my fitness to practice. I just got worse and worse with time, until I was forced to take a year out. Knowing you have a problem, but actually doing something about it takes a lot of courage. Therapy is hard, but you come out of it stronger.

    Be as honest as you can. I keep things from my mother, because I know she doesn't really understand.
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    (Original post by Lemons1990)
    I refused to get help for my depression because I was afraid it would affect my fitness to practice. I just got worse and worse with time, until I was forced to take a year out. Knowing you have a problem, but actually doing something about it takes a lot of courage. Therapy is hard, but you come out of it stronger.

    Be as honest as you can. I keep things from my mother, because I know she doesn't really understand.
    Thanks for the advice man, how did you overcome the depression?? if you don't mind me asking
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for the advice man, how did you overcome the depression?? if you don't mind me asking
    I don't want to discourage you, but I haven't overcome it to be honest. I have bipolar disorder and I'm fresh out of my two years of medical school. I will be starting my third year in early October .Things do get better, but I'm just really struggling at the moment and i'm at a very low point. I've been on medication for a month, but I don't think it's really helping- maybe it's still just early days. The first time I saw the hospital therapist I did nothing but just cry in front of her. I see a new therapist next week as the first will actually be teaching me psychology next year.

    Running was something that I found that eased my mind. It made me feel strong, when I felt weaker than the palest blue. I made myself go even if i didn't want to. The first 10 days of gym you will hate.The next 10 sessions will make you want to go. The last 10 you'll think you need to go!

    Just also take better care of yourself. I added extra pain when I was harsher with myself and demanded more than I could do.The dishes can wait. One thing at a time. Depression is just another way of our bodies saying we need deep rest. Honestly just get into bed. Take a warm shower. Grab a thick blanket, eat comfort food, watch a movie you like. But just tell yourself over and over again that everything is going to be okay. Here if you want to talk more
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    (Original post by Lemons1990)
    I don't want to discourage you, but I haven't overcome it to be honest. I have bipolar disorder and I'm fresh out of my two years of medical school. I will be starting my third year in early October .Things do get better, but I'm just really struggling at the moment and i'm at a very low point. I've been on medication for a month, but I don't think it's really helping- maybe it's still just early days. The first time I saw the hospital therapist I did nothing but just cry in front of her. I see a new therapist next week as the first will actually be teaching me psychology next year.

    Running was something that I found that eased my mind. It made me feel strong, when I felt weaker than the palest blue. I made myself go even if i didn't want to. The first 10 days of gym you will hate.The next 10 sessions will make you want to go. The last 10 you'll think you need to go!

    Just also take better care of yourself. I added extra pain when I was harsher with myself and demanded more than I could do.The dishes can wait. One thing at a time. Depression is just another way of our bodies saying we need deep rest. Honestly just get into bed. Take a warm shower. Grab a thick blanket, eat comfort food, watch a movie you like. But just tell yourself over and over again that everything is going to be okay. Here if you want to talk more
    That sounds rough, i really hope you get through it. Depression is a horrible feeling. I think the girlfriend situation didn't help me either, its like a whole wave of bad things have just hit me. Really sucks.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That sounds rough, i really hope you get through it. Depression is a horrible feeling. I think the girlfriend situation didn't help me either, its like a whole wave of bad things have just hit me. Really sucks.
    What grades did you get at A-Level? Are you sure your apprenticeship is what you want? What do you see yourself doing in the future.
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    (Original post by Emz99)
    What grades did you get at A-Level? Are you sure your apprenticeship is what you want? What do you see yourself doing in the future.
    I got BCC at A level. I don't know what i see myself and this is what i can't seem to figure out
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I got BCC at A level. I don't know what i see myself and this is what i can't seem to figure out
    Thats not bad you must be interested in something. If you don't know what to do thats fine and normal. I suggest you redo some modules and go to university and do something you enjoy. Get some work expereince also in that year. Message me if you need help.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That sounds rough, i really hope you get through it. Depression is a horrible feeling. I think the girlfriend situation didn't help me either, its like a whole wave of bad things have just hit me. Really sucks.
    Andrew solomon was the one person who could sum it up so eloquently. His ted talk is beautiful.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eBUcBfkVCo

    Any break up is hard, but when you have a series of losses you just sink lower and lower and it's so hard to just pull yourself out of it. Did you manage to talk to your mother?
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    (Original post by Lemons1990)
    Andrew solomon was the one person who could sum it up so eloquently. His ted talk is beautiful.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eBUcBfkVCo

    Any break up is hard, but when you have a series of losses you just sink lower and lower and it's so hard to just pull yourself out of it. Did you manage to talk to your mother?
    That talk was really good. I spoke to my mum and she helped alot, can tell why she does what she does! She said that when the job starts to affect my health and mental state, i should quit, because its not worth me being unhappy at such a young age. She knew about the breakup and she helped with that previously. My plan now is to quit and head to Uni, and during my gap year i will do work experience and the things i enjoy. Starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That talk was really good. I spoke to my mum and she helped alot, can tell why she does what she does! She said that when the job starts to affect my health and mental state, i should quit, because its not worth me being unhappy at such a young age. She knew about the breakup and she helped with that previously. My plan now is to quit and head to Uni, and during my gap year i will do work experience and the things i enjoy. Starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel.
    I'm glad you're starting to see the light
    What will you be studying?
 
 
 
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