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He lied to me :(

I've been really good friends with this guy for 3 years. We were so close. However, lately I've heard some rumours about him having a girlfriend, and I was kinda upset because I had had a crush on him this whole time, and I also feel like he'll spend less time with me and more with her, which is understandable.

I decided to ask him whether or not the rumours were true or not, but he lied to me and said that he didn't have a girlfriend. I've seen all the photos of them together, being all close, and the comments on them saying how they are the 'cutest couple' I don't know what to do. He also told me he doesn't want me to treat him any differently, but how can I not treat him differently after I know that he lied to me? I don't know whether I should just go with it, or if I should end our friendship. I know we've had so many good memories, but it's just so hard seeing him lie to my own face. I don't know what to do :frown:
Reply 1
Avatar for UWS
UWS
21
Maybe they're not actually officially boyfriend/girlfriend or perhaps he didn't want to upset you, knowing that you had a crush on him. Either way, I don't think it's worth losing a friendship over, unless it's more a fact that he's with this girl and not with you rather than the lying, then that's completely understandable.
Reply 2
Avatar for ward47
ward47
12
First of all like every time I give advice this is just my opinion. You may agree you may not but if you do follow my advice and it turns out not to have helped that's not on me.

Anyway now that's done on the advice. If it were me and a girl had point blank lied to my face about not being in a relationship then that would logically suggest to me that they were working an angle and should therefore be removed from the social circle. However that's just my opinion obviously the final choice on what to do has to cone from you.
Reply 3
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by UWS
Maybe they're not actually officially boyfriend/girlfriend or perhaps he didn't want to upset you, knowing that you had a crush on him. Either way, I don't think it's worth losing a friendship over, unless it's more a fact that he's with this girl and not with you rather than the lying, then that's completely understandable.


There's definitely something going on between them. I guess it's both the lying and the jealousy which makes me upset. I just don't like how he thinks he can lie to me and get away with it. I've always been honest with him, it even took a lot of guts for me to ask him about this :frown:
As people have said further up maybe he didn't want to tell you in case he upset you, one guy at work I know has a girlfriend but he didn't want to tell people because he wants to keep his love life private.
Original post by Anonymous
There's definitely something going on between them.

So you are confirming you actually don't know for sure.

I guess it's both the lying and the jealousy which makes me upset. I just don't like how he thinks he can lie to me and get away with it. I've always been honest with him


How have you always been honest with him? From your OP you've basically admitted you've been completely dishonest with him for the last three years; you've deliberately withheld the fact that you like him and wish you were in a relationship with him.

Now, he doesn't owe you anything in terms of an explanation regarding his private life. You are not his girlfriend. He has told you there's nothing going on, and given you're no more than friends, even close friends, you have no right to be mad at him or demand something more from him.

In short, you need to start cooking or get out of the kitchen. Tell him how you feel, and see what happens. That would be being honest with him. What you have now is not a healthy relationship for you. If he likes you back then great; let the relationship commence. If he doesn't like you back in the same way, at least the issue has been brought to a head. But you can't continue to exist in this state of halfway in between, that allows you not to get on with your life (with all the possibility for, yes, loss and rejection but also for love and relationships) and continue living with this idealised fantasy version of him that you have in your head.

Do you want to be in the same place three years from now? Still single and the situation unchanged (but he's probably got a girlfriend, maybe even married depending on how old you are)?

You're wasting the best years of your life. Tell him how you feel, or get used to the current situation where you'll always be jumping at shadows and feeling resentful and he (who probably knows how you feel) will always be walking on eggshells around you hoping not to upset you and eventually becoming resentful against you himself. Either act on those feelings, or move on.
(edited 7 years ago)

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