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All his friends are female

(Anon for disclosing private stuff)

I have recently got involved with a guy who says he likes me (the feeling is mutual), however I have noticed something about his choice of friends - they're 99% female! :eek:

There's something about this that makes me quite edgy. It feels like a red flag and I'm wondering whether I should cool this relationship off before I become anymore attached. Which is a shame because I like him in a lot of ways. We get on wonderfully together.

What does it means when a man (he's 27) has vastly more female friends than male?

Here's some snippets of things he has said to me about his relationships with women:

Spoiler

I like him a lot but I'm just not sure I like this aspect. It sounds as though he has a string of female friends that he probably fancies but never had the courage to ask out. Do I want that kind of baggage?

*prepares for incoming of "you're insecure and jealous"*

Any mature theories/perspectives welcome :smile:

Reply 1

Fluent in Lies

2

Well there is nothing wrong with a guy having mostly female friends per se, some guys will just have more in common, or just feel more comfortable around girls. But the first quote does seem to suggest there may be something more to it in this case.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Please do, carry on :frown:

Reply 3

Fluent in Lies

2

It's hard to say, I don't think anyone can really make a decision regarding the guy without knowing him. I guess you just need to make sure he really likes you, perhaps just go slowly and give it plenty of time.

Even if he did fancy them in the past, there is no reason why he can't be attracted to you now.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

I guess I'm just not comfortable with the idea of all his past crushes tagging along in his life.

I also find it bizarre that 99% of his friends are female. Does this fact indicate something? Why may he have trouble making male friends?

Knowing my personality, I am not yet at the stage where I 'love' this guy. So if I were to abandon ship, now would be the right time. I just dont know whether my fears are illfounded or whether I am making the right decision :frown:

Reply 5

Laevis

13

Anonymous

(Anon for disclosing private stuff)

I have recently got involved with a guy who says he likes me (the feeling is mutual), however I have noticed something about his choice of friends - they're 99% female! :eek:

There's something about this that makes me quite edgy. It feels like a red flag and I'm wondering whether I should cool this relationship off before I become anymore attached. Which is a shame because I like him in a lot of ways. We get on wonderfully together.

What does it means when a man (he's 27) has vastly more female friends than male?

99 times out of 100 it means he's gay :sadnod:

I'm only joking :p:

I don't think you should be concerned about this particular guy hanging around with mainly females because it seems, from the snippets you posted, he's just a sensitive guy that is nervous about initiating relationships because he doesn't want to lose friendships- that's actually sweet :smile:

Reply 6

KarlZ

Well I must admit that if I started dating a guy and the majority of his friends were female I would feel a bit paranoid. The quote I would be a bit worried about is the first one as even though he might just start thinking of them as friends as opposed to a love interest it doesnt mean his lady friend will also think the same way! My advcie would be to be upfront with him, next time you see him tell him exactly how you are feeling. You could never ask him to choose between his friends and you (Im not saying that you are) so talk about it now because if you dont then you may find that you care about him a lot but its gotten to the point that you may feel that paranoid that you mya feel like issuing an ultimatum at some point. I would definitely recommend meeting his friends, if your shrewd enough you should be able to deduce the genuine friends from the fake.
Definitely talk to him though.
How long have you been dating by the way?

Reply 7

Laevis

13

I think once he finds a partner e.g. you he will becomes less reliant on his other friendships with females

Reply 8

King Hippo

9

The thing that rings alarm bells with me is the fact that he has all these female friends but no girlfriend. Doesn't the fact that he's not taken despite having close contact with so many females suggest that there's maybe a reason for that?

Reply 9

iainmacn

10

I'm male and have a lot of female friends too, but that doesn't mean that they're crushes. Okay - some of them I may have fancied in the past, but a lot of them are just people who I got on well with. A lot of my friends seem to see me as a good listener which maybe is why a large number of my friends are women. I can relate to the "Not particularly aggressive in starting relationships" thing either.

I'm currently seeing something and ironically she's got tons of male friends and it generally seems to work but at times I do get a few niggling doubts and I think sometimes she does about me too.

I can see both sides of this I think.

Ultimately - how much of your doubts are actually based on anything that he's done/not done and how many are more just general doubts because maybe you feel a bit insecure and maybe your brain is working over time to see the worst in a situation?

It may not be the case that because he has lots of female friends that he's likely to cheat on you. It may be quite the opposite, I intend to never cheat on anyone

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

KarlZ

How long have you been dating by the way?

We're not. It hasn't reached that 'official stage' yet. It's getting very lovey dovey though. That's why I'm considering bailing now before it's too late, so to speak.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

OP

King Hippo

The thing that rings alarm bells with me is the fact that he has all these female friends but no girlfriend. Doesn't the fact that he's not taken despite having close contact with so many females suggest that there's maybe a reason for that?

Interesting question.

Perhaps lack of confidence? Fear of rejection?

Reply 12

iainmacn

10

Okay - I obviously don't know the guy you're talking about but in my experience I think sometimes females see men who are more sensitive more as friends than partners - almost like if there isn't an element of classic "maleness" then they may not go for him.

Reply 13

King Hippo

9

iainmacn

Okay - I obviously don't know the guy you're talking about but in my experience I think sometimes females see men who are more sensitive more as friends than partners - almost like if there isn't an element of classic "maleness" then they may not go for him.

Aye, I can definitely relate to that.

I'm just a bit wary of this one. Something doesn't seem right to me.

Reply 14

Tyler Durden

17

I don't think it's really an issue.

An interesting (and helpful) thing you could tell us is how things started off with you two. Did he initiate it? How did he act around you? And in the relationship, is he quite proactive in initiating physical contact? If you don't wanna answer that's cool, but I think it'd be interesting in finding out more about his character.

I have a lot of female friends; whilst I tend to find guys funnier (in fact a woman who actually makes me laugh is quite rare!), women often talk about more interesting subjects and in greater depth. I wouldn't read too much into it.

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

OP

Sehnsucht

I don't think it's really an issue.

An interesting (and helpful) thing you could tell us is how things started off with you two. Did he initiate it? How did he act around you? And in the relationship, is he quite proactive in initiating physical contact? If you don't wanna answer that's cool, but I think it'd be interesting in finding out more about his character.

I have a lot of female friends; whilst I tend to find guys funnier (in fact a woman who actually makes me laugh is quite rare!), women often talk about more interesting subjects and in greater depth. I wouldn't read too much into it.

Really? What are your thoughts on this quote:

I am not particularly aggresive in starting relationships, so my relationships with women tend to just be friendships as I end up thinking well I like this person but if I say I *really* like her then she'll get scared and I'll lose the friendship (It has happened twice) so I go for the safety of just friends. Also I like to get to know someone before making a commitment and by then she is comfortable with being only a friend.

Reply 16

Tyler Durden

17

Well again I can kind of relate. I am not 'aggressive' in starting anything unless I really want to sleep with a girl or really want to have a relationship with her. If I like a girl, could potentially see something happening, but am not too bothered then I'll quite happily hang out with her. Quite often that then makes me like her more and puts her into one of the groups of gals I might pursue more proactively... which I then do. I must say though, I have learnt a lot about girls from women I've not had a relationship with.

There is a difference between that and what your guy said though. And I must say, I do think my way of doing it is healthier. He is operating from a position of fear and insecurity and, basically, lies. He really likes these girls, but doesn't tell them and friends is a second best whilst he is actually angry and frustrated and resentful. His ideas about commitment are also all over the place.

So yeah, again, it'd be interesting to know how he acts/acted around you?