Serious relationships at young age.

Im 18, ive been with my boyfriend for 3 years.
I love him to bits, he has been through so much with me and we are like the best of friends.
My friends get on my back quite abit telling me i should enjoy being young while i am young and they always ask the same question- arent you bored?
Every now and then i sometimes wonder if they have a point. We broke up for a little while in december, and i realised the chances of finding some body who loves me as much as he does is so slim.
Im not the type of girl who can go out and sleep with somebody after only knowing them a few hours, ive never done that and honestly, i dont want to do it.

So i was just wondering- do you have to be single and seeing loads of different people to really enjoy being young and am i wasting my youth?

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Reply 1

Hayley_2k4

no, I don't think so at all. I'm 20 and have been my bf for four years.

Reply 2

Caroline1989

It's likely that your friends are just a little bit jealous. There's more to life than having a new fella every month y'know?

Reply 3

cpj1987

Okay, crazy as this sounds, my sister is 11 and is in a serious relationship, which suits her really well.
Personally, I don't know how she does that, I've still not had a relationship over a month long (only had 2 ever, when I was 16 and when I was 17), but it shows that it varies between different people - so do what you're happy with.

Reply 4

loz_fairy

Nah!
1. If you love each other that is all that should matter
2. You can 'have fun' at any age, nowhere does it say it has to be before 20!!

Just enjoy being with him and don't let what other people think affect you :smile:

Reply 5

chocolat321

You don't have to date loads of people just to 'have fun'. Most people who say that are just jealous.
If you're happy being in a serious relationship then stay in it.

Reply 6

prettygreeneyes99

Yea you can have fun at any age, not just when you're young! If your happy with someone then you shouldnt listen to other people's opinions.. some people meet someone when they're young and stay with them, others dont.. just shows that everyone's different and some people who are young may love it while others feel like they want to be with someone... just go with the flow and dont try and worry to much about it, if you're happy being in a relationship then stay with the person!

Reply 7

JadedHippy

Anonymous

My friends get on my back quite a bit telling me i should enjoy being young while i am young and they always ask the same question- aren't you bored?

The irony of never getting bored of asking someone if they are bored is great :biggrin:

Seriously though let's talk about enjoyment and youth. I'm 24 and tbh looking back young people are not the best judges of what it is to be happy. Actually humans in general are pretty poor at doing that. Short term urge fulfillment and release yes, but long term happiness no. I think one of the main problems is lack of experience. We can only tell how happy or sad something makes us if we experience it, and we will only know if something else will make us happier or sadder than the last thing by experiencing that. Everything else comes down to inference by reasoning, seeing or hearing other peoples reactions and projecting them onto a simulation of our own psyche or just plain guesswork.
Your friends cannot understand directly how your relationship makes you feel, and so can only infer how it would feel by trying to imaging how they would feel in your shoes. If they have never had a long term relationship they can only infer what it would be like against the series of short term ones they have had so far. Having never experienced something like that they would probably infer that it is boring. But it is important to remember that their inference has no grounding in reality, however well meaning, and so should not be taken very seriously without further evidence. It's like a group of people who are only interested in football going up to a master chessplaying and making the assumption he must be bored.

For me personally, I've found life actually gets better as you get older. I seem to have a more accurate idea of what makes me happy and I've managed to resist the rose tinted glasses syndrome reasonably well so far. When I was 17 and 18 I thought that I was doing what gave me enjoyment, but now I just look back and laugh and the hole it burned in my pocket. Of course for some it is the opposite and their happiness peaks during their teens and goes downhill from there. I'm not trying to say what it is, or should be or will be, all I'm trying to say is that the misplaced "enjoy your youth" advice normally does not refer to your youth as a period in your life when you are fit and healthy as it should, but to a specific lifestyle that most people can only life through for a short period. It's not a lifestyle for all, but a combination of sources such as the media, naive friends and older people's rose tinted glasses have projected a stereotype of what youth should be that leads people who are living a good life in their youth to question it and to take up a lifestyle that gives they less joy for the sake of not feeling like they are missing out on the life that everyone around them thinks they should live.

I'm going quite off topic now onto the general topic of happiness:

The big problem I have found is that people generally have 2 ways of finding happiness, and one I personally see as a good way, and the other a bad way. The good way I see, seems very simplistic. You do something and see if it makes you happy, and if it does you keep doing it while occasionally trying new things to add to the current list of things that makes them happy. In the end you will do many things from a list in your head that makes you happy, and you will be happy.
The bad way on the other hand is more widespread. You look at what makes other people happy or that seems to be a widespread goal by others and compound it into an untested ideal in your head and spend several years trying to achieve it in steps. This is bad not just for the timewasting, but also because it tends to limit your search of things that genuinely make you happy.
One of the more widespread examples I can think of is the clubbing and drinking culture most people go through at 15-25. Now about half the people I know who did this generally enjoyed it, while the other half just sort of muddled along because it was the in-thing at the time. It wasn't until late into their uni life that they eventually got around to joining societies and found the things they truly enjoyed doing in life. But because they were so caught up in the 'yeah I'm 17/18 I have to club' culture they could not see the wood for the trees and had no money left even if they did get a glimpse. Of course many people genuinely enjoyed this culture and fit into the stereotype, but not all are this lucky.

The bad way however extends beyond mere teenage stereotypes, you have people unwantingly starting families because they follow what they think should be done, or going into careers because they are socially thought of as 'better' or people who give up or do not take up hobbies because they are seen as childish or have some sort of social stigma.

If there is anything history has taught us, it's that society very often does not know best, especially for an individual. But we often keep thinking it does out of psychological dependence if not anything else.

Anyway, good luck with what ever decision you make. Hope this helped.

Jaded

Reply 8

username21537

I think that being in a loving relationshipgives the best feeligns ever. And anyone thinking that one would get bored just havent experienced it yet.

Reply 9

randomgirl

People are different.

Yes, some young people love to go out every weekend and sleep with randoms. Some prefer to have/stay in LT relationships. Whichever you do, it's going to offer you something different. Being single and getting with whoever you want can offer a fun experience but being in a loving relationship can also be fulfilling.

My point is, it depends on YOU. If you feel like you are bored and want to experience the single life, then that's your decision. Do you see yourself with your boyfriend for many years to come? Do you want to build a future together? If you don't think your relationship is going anywhere, and you are genuinely curious about things outside of your relationship, maybe it's best to end things now. But if you want to be with your boyfriend (and he must be doing something right if you've been together for three years!) then don't worry what everyone else thinks. Aslong as you are both happy, then it is the right decision for you.

:smile:

Reply 10

prettygreeneyes99

ooo and just something Id like to add to my last post.. I HATE that just because you're young people seem to think you should be single, Ive had around 5 relationships since I was about 15 and I felt that it helped me mature alot more than if I was single!

Reply 11

chocolat321

^true.
plus sleeping around with lots of people is quite disgusting(IMO of course)

Reply 12

prettygreeneyes99

yea I mean even if you break up with your boyfriend when you're 25 you've still got plently of time to 'play the field' if thats what you want to do

Reply 13

punktopia

Personally I stay clear of any relationship (short, medium, long) apart from sexual. Aside from my general cynicism about "love", I don't think there's a lot of point before you're close to 30. If you want to be close to someone, make some good friends, if you want to have sex, have sex with a random/a ****buddy. Mixing the two just leads to trouble...

Reply 14

cpj1987

punktopia

You must have a pretty lonely life...

Reply 15

silverbolt

cpj1987

You must have a pretty lonely life...

not really, single life suits some people

Reply 16

Louise88

You don't have to be single to enjoy life, far from it. You can be in a relationship, and have a great time. Everyone is different, everyone has different opinions, different ideas. What suits other people might not suit you.

Some people think that to be young you have to get drunk, go clubbing, and have one night stands. I very rarely drink, I very rarely go clubbing, and i've never had a one night stand. It doesn't make me boring, it doesn't mean that i'm not enjoying my life, i'm just living it differently from some other people. I have a very loving boyfriend, and that's what is important to me. I can have fun, and be in a relationship. Why should you give up something great just because other people have different opinions to you?

If you're happy, who cares what other people think? People need to realise that everyone wants different things out of life, and how people live their lives is none of their business. Different things make different people happy, and nobody has the right to try and get in the way, or interfere with that. You do what you want, what you think is best, and you have fun with it.

Reply 17

prettygreeneyes99

Id hate to be that cynical :s-smilie:

... Ive been treated like crap by an ex and Ive seen my mum & dad break up which wasnt nice.. but I havent let it effect my view of relationships to the point where I would stop myself from getting involved with someone, you just end up bitter, alone and unhappy in the end..

Reply 18

cpj1987

Cadre_Of_Storms

not really, single life suits some people

I'm not saying it doesn't. I'm single, and it suits me, but I can't understand how anyone could want to deliberately AVOID meeting someone that they might fall for, because they don't think love exists, or at least 'exists before 30' as it was explained there.
:smile:

Reply 19

babyang3l

I'm kinda new in this forum but i've got a question which cld relate to the question. i'm 18 and av been wit my bf for a year nd a hlf. he's 6 years older than me and a lot of times treats me like i'm his little sis. right now we ain't tlking due 2 a recent argument nd i just wntd to knw wat to do next, cuz i really luv him bt i'm thinkin the main reason for my problem is my age... should we break up or try nd work it out? :confused:

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