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I'm 23 and my mum is still trying to control my life

My mum thinks she can coach me or tell me what to do with my life. She is the only one that when I want to move forward in my life, she seems to think that "dealing with it" or "manning up" as she puts it, is the best way to solve things. I am sick and tired of just arguing with her because she always adds fuel to the argument and then blames ME for getting angry.

I told her I wasn't happy at my job so I will be looking for a new job, she had a go at me, telling me that I should "get used to it, it's life" and telling me how I should just suck it up and stay. When I give my reasoning for changing job, she shouts at me and throws a massive tantrum about how I don't know what to do with my life and how other people deal with things.

But this is just one aspect of my life, she has almost forced me to stay at home during university and I was pressured into doing it. I am 23 now and I keep putting my foot down but she keeps **** talking to all her friends about how I don't know what I'm doing and making me seem like the bad person.

I keep telling her that she can't keep ruling my life and I want to make my own decisions and she doesn't listen. When I do things I want to, it's never with her blessing. Even when I tell her I'm moving out next year, she has a go at me but even worse. I don't even know what to do anymore, it just makes me so annoyed.

What can I do?
Original post by Anonymous
My mum thinks she can coach me or tell me what to do with my life. She is the only one that when I want to move forward in my life, she seems to think that "dealing with it" or "manning up" as she puts it, is the best way to solve things. I am sick and tired of just arguing with her because she always adds fuel to the argument and then blames ME for getting angry.

I told her I wasn't happy at my job so I will be looking for a new job, she had a go at me, telling me that I should "get used to it, it's life" and telling me how I should just suck it up and stay. When I give my reasoning for changing job, she shouts at me and throws a massive tantrum about how I don't know what to do with my life and how other people deal with things.

But this is just one aspect of my life, she has almost forced me to stay at home during university and I was pressured into doing it. I am 23 now and I keep putting my foot down but she keeps **** talking to all her friends about how I don't know what I'm doing and making me seem like the bad person.

I keep telling her that she can't keep ruling my life and I want to make my own decisions and she doesn't listen. When I do things I want to, it's never with her blessing. Even when I tell her I'm moving out next year, she has a go at me but even worse. I don't even know what to do anymore, it just makes me so annoyed.

What can I do?


At the end of the day if you are not happy in the job and another job comes up leave the current job and go for the other, do not let anyone dictate what job you do in your life. Is there not anyway you can possibly move out?
Reply 2
Avatar for TaraMcD
TaraMcD
This sounds similar to my family. If a person is upset, they have to deal with it and not complain. My parents also forced my siblings to stay home during university and the only reason they were allowed to move out was because they had a job to support themselves as well they moved into a flat together, one hour from my parents house (they were 23 and 24 when they moved out)

Look for a new job that you will enjoy before looking for a place to live. You cant let your mother keep ruling your life or allow her to start petty arguments because you are making your own decisions. Tell her that unless she can butt out and treat you like the adult which you are, that you cant involved her in your new life. She might be concerned but you need to make it clear you cant have her involved in your life anymore if she keeps behaving this way.
Reply 3
Avatar for Livvyxo
Livvyxo
17
I've been in a similar situation to you. I'm nearly 26 with my own house and I still lie to my mum to this day because she'd react similarly to yours about certain things.

You simply have to take a firm hand with her, like you would with an unruly toddler. Give short and simple explanations for your behaviour and if she throws a tantrum refuse to discuss it further.
Sadly if you're living under her roof you have to abide by certain rules - all I can recommend is getting out of there as soon as possible. The more independent you become, the more your mum will realise you are no longer a child, and with some distance between you, you can begin a friendly adult relationship with her. I quite enjoy spending time with my mum but it was only a few years ago we weren't even on speaking terms. I hope I've been some help :/

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