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    Hi everyone!

    First of all, I just want to say that I don't want to offend anybody with what I'm going to ask. It's just that the PS's I've found on the net so far sound very cheesy to me. Again, I'm from Austria and the whole issue might arise from cultural differences or something like that...
    To explain what I can't understand, I'm going to use some examples:

    I have great interest in questions such as "How do you convert raw materials into useful products through the application of chemistry on a large scale, or more accurately, how to create and operate facilities relating to the manufacture of commodities essential for modern everyday life, in a safe efficient and environmentally friendly manner?" Questions such as these were triggered at a younger age by issues such as the origins of plastics, and how they are extracted, and produced.
    This is the beginning of a PS for ChemEng... I'm just wondering if an admission s officer really could think that once there has been a child who asks his father: "Dad, how are plastics extracted in an environmentally friendly manner for commodities used in modern everyday life?"

    A simple bridge truss was the first structure I ever analyzed. The simple combination of beams that could hold cars, trains, and trucks over long spans of water fascinated me. Having the tools to analyze the loads on the truss further increased my interest in structures..
    I just can't believe anybody would learn finite elements and buy a thousands of pounds software because he is impressed by bridges?

    Imagine a world free of HIV, a world where harmony and serenity of the body is dominant. Better still; imagine a world aiming at a flourishing and healthy humanity!
    Obviously this is quite cheesy... it's the beginning of a ps for BioEng.

    I guess now it's clear what I am aiming at. Why can't people just say: "It was difficult to decide but I think engineering could fit me" or "I do sports because I like to" instead of "interested from an early age... I constantly asked how things worked..." and "I am head of my sports team because it improves my problem-solving skills, my team work etc."
    For sure the people who assess the applications are quite intelligent; if somebody does a sport I'm sure they can deduce the effects it has on the person it concerns. They can certainly handle some honesty.... or not? This is the question important for my own personal statement. (Btw, in Austria you don't have to write anything for university admission. Interest - or none - is completely sufficient ...)

    Because if they can't I'm gonna lie through my teeth...

    Regards, Walter
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    Some of that is overwhelmingly cheesy, and I think I would avoid rhetorical questions like the plague. :P

    As far as I could see, as long as you can get across that you're interested in what you're applying for, it's fine. Having nice bits of information to 'prove' your interest does help (I'm sure it got me easier requirements), but you can do that without being cheesy if you try. I'd figure it's advisable too. :P

    Edit: In conclusion, they usually sound a bit weird, but as long as it's not too weird, you're all right. The interviewers usually understand that the students are instructed to up the cheese by their school (I know I was).
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    I wrote mine myself. it was partly lies and cheesy as a big lump of stilton. Must have done something right though. Got 6 offers back
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    That is true, many of the PS's you read are very cheesy, but you should be careful when writing your PS as the interviewers will try to catch you out.
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    To be honest, I would personally say any PSs like that are seriously running the risk of being too esoteric. My personal statement was direct, natural and to the point. (Or at least, intended to be.)
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    I think most people try to keep in between extreme cheesiness as you found and simply saying "I don't mind English, I speak it so I might as well do that at Uni". Tutors would probably prefer to admit someone who wants to do the subject and will enjoy it to someone who just sees it as "not too bad".
    I didn't write anything about "liking x from such a young age" because I know how incredibly cheesy it comes across however true it may be, but I did point out that I examples of what I'd done to research the subject because I liked it.

    There's no need to lie through your teeth but you do want to seem at least interested in the course. If it makes you cringe when you read it, don't put it down. If your personal statement has a "meh" attitude towards the course you probably should rework it too.
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    Ahhh this reminds me of mine now! When I wrote it (and it was only a few months back) I thought that it sounded really good, but i've just re-read mine & god it sounds awful. I found it really hard to start though due to being a mature student & all the examples I found were aimed at 18 year olds.

    My opening line was: My eyes have been opened to the amazing possibilities that this world can give me...................... cringe!

    Saying that though, I did get offers from all 6 of my uni's though, maybe they were desperate
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    Thanks for your answers, they helped a lot! You understand that I can't talk about personal statements with my friends because we're not normally required to write one. And I'm perfectly happy about your suggestions, I'm now going to write a PS that just fits my preferences ... down-to-earth and quite direct. I mean... it should be about me, so I should like it as well

    Thanks again.. Walter
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    Yeah they'll sound weird no matter how little or how much cheese you add. Personal statements are really one of the most unnatural thing you have to write because you have to get across that you really love your subject and that you're really good without sounding like that snotty nosed snob who sits at the front of all your classes and tells the teacher how wonderful they are.
    I'm dreading writing mine but it's just one of those things you gotta do!
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    As long as you dont attempt humour in it [as it could go terribly wrong] it will be fine. I think admissions tutors will have become used to enduring lots of cheese during the application process.
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    Don't use too big a quote - a quote says nothing about you, it is the explanation that does it and if you can fit in the explanation without the quote the try. I always think a quote's cliché.

    I also spoke to a chap in admissions and he said that every time he sees a statement that has paragraphs he is overjoyed.
    Make paragraphs, it only takes up a few extra letters and makes your statement immediately more digestible.
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    Cheese is a given
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    "i believe that love and compassion is the greatest gift you can give someone" my first line.

    got me 5 offers, all of which the entry grades were higher than my predicted.

    so cheese is needed, i'd say.
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    (Original post by mateyface)
    Yeah they'll sound weird no matter how little or how much cheese you add. Personal statements are really one of the most unnatural thing you have to write because you have to get across that you really love your subject and that you're really good without sounding like that snotty nosed snob who sits at the front of all your classes and tells the teacher how wonderful they are.
    I'm dreading writing mine but it's just one of those things you gotta do!
    I know you didn't mean it like this, but I'm just imagining a girl at the front of the class saying to their teacher "Miss, you're a brilliant teacher, you know!" and everybody laughing
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    It has to be different and original if you really want to get a place.
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    My personal statment was so chessy....i died with embarassment when i went for an interview and my interviewer quoted the opening paragraph back to me off by heart and told me it was humourous (it wasn't supposed to be funny!) and that I sounded bitter :eek:.

    Just thinking about it makes me cringe...it was that cheesy but it still got me an interview and offers from some really good uni's so at least it got the job done.

    Just avoid being too cliched and also avoid trying to be too unique....it's best to find a balance between the two.
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    Don't do cheese. I came across some US samples and they were all like that. In Britain, they want to know why you want to study a subject, and what, in your view, might entitle you to a place at their institution. Remember, these samples never tell you whether or not they were successful :p: .
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    As long as you don't use the phrase "Outside of academia..." or "From an early age I was interested in X" then I'm sure it will be fine.
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    (Original post by Juno)
    As long as you don't use the phrase ... "From an early age I was interested in X" then I'm sure it will be fine.
    I used it in my first line. Was true though, and my Personal Statement was a lot less cheesy than some of my friends'.
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    (Original post by gooner1592)
    I know you didn't mean it like this, but I'm just imagining a girl at the front of the class saying to their teacher "Miss, you're a brilliant teacher, you know!" and everybody laughing
    No that's EXACTLY how i meant it!
 
 
 

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