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Confused About My Sexuality

Okay here's the deal,

To put it simply I think i'm a lesbian, i've had boyfriends before and such but to be honest there has never been much attraction there. I do seem to be more attracted to girls. The thing is how confusing this all is, its not like there is some definitive test to find out if you are or not!

I'm quite a reserved person really and not at all into broadcasting myself so if I was to 'come out' to my friends and family I really would have to be sure of myself first.

What I was wondering was if there are other people who are or who have been in similar situations? :confused:

Thanks

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Yeah thats pretty much how I used to be from about 12 to 16 . (prefering the same sex)

To be honest (and some may hate me for saying this) I always found my sexuality tends to phase from one sex to the other, sometimes I feel more attracted to men other times to women, but I am ALWAYS attracted to both sexes at once but usually one more than the other.

I found it easier to just come out as Bi that way no-one is surprised when you date either gender.

But bear in mind ive only been out since 18 and only really sure i was Bi since 16.

I cant pretend thats going to be helpful but knowing what I went through might help you to narrow things down.


Possibly you should post this under the LGBT society chat, that lot might be more helpful.:smile:
Reply 2
Depends how old you are I guess...

I'm not an expert, but everyone knows that, at some point in your life, you experience and feel things you're not sure about...so you have to wait and see how you feel when you can really think straight.

Why stick a label on it?

Just do whatever feels right, and go with that.

Don't really see why you'd want to "come out" as anything in particular.

"Mum.. dad... I've got something to tell you.. I'm straight"
Reply 4
Anonymous
Okay here's the deal,

To put it simply I think i'm a lesbian, i've had boyfriends before and such but to be honest there has never been much attraction there. I do seem to be more attracted to girls. The thing is how confusing this all is, its not like there is some definitive test to find out if you are or not!

I'm quite a reserved person really and not at all into broadcasting myself so if I was to 'come out' to my friends and family I really would have to be sure of myself first.

What I was wondering was if there are other people who are or who have been in similar situations? :confused:

Thanks


I think everyone bi or gay goes through this at some point, and probably a few straight people as well. My best advice is to not worry too much about if you are gay or not, but rather what you actually feel like. Would you like a relationship with a girl? Would you want to be intimate with a girl? Do you think you would enjoy kissing a girl? If you figure out how you feel about that sort of stuff I think you will find that the question of weather you are gay or not will feel a lot less important. It is just a label after all.
Reply 5
I wish there was some sort of test! I do what you've described, being more attracted to guys sometimes but sometimes (/more often, annoyingly) to girls. It's like being bi doesn't even describe it properly! So usually I tell people I oscillate. It confuses most though.
Reply 6
TheLameMonkey
Why stick a label on it?

Just do whatever feels right, and go with that.

Don't really see why you'd want to "come out" as anything in particular.

"Mum.. dad... I've got something to tell you.. I'm straight"


Your parents will probably assume you are straight until told otherwise, which makes it really uncomfortable dating people. If you just start dating people of the same sex you're giving them two bombshells at the same time. a) You're gay b)You have a same-sex partner. Also, if you're not too sure they will be OK with it you may find that you need to get it off your shoulders. I worried a lot about it before I told them, and it basically stressed me quite a bit whenever I'd meet some cute guy. In an ideal world people wouldn't just assume you are straight so it would be less of an issue, but this is not an ideal world.
Reply 7
sopheeb
I wish there was some sort of test! I do what you've described, being more attracted to guys sometimes but sometimes (/more often, annoyingly) to girls. It's like being bi doesn't even describe it properly! So usually I tell people I oscillate. It confuses most though.


There's no test because it isn't that simple, as I'm sure you are either painfully or joyfully aware. I just tell people I'm bi as it pretty much explains why they might see me flirting with a girl at some point and with a guy some other time. After all, people who are not me are unlikely to understand exactly how I feel anyway, so just giving them a rough idea is "good enough". I try not to worry about it too much, I would just go insane if I tried to pin down my feeling precisely...
Reply 8
yOU'RE STRAIGHT
Reply 9
Very simple way to find out whether you are a lesbian or not:

Can you see yourself HAVING SEX (not kissing, not hugging, but ****ing) with a member of the same gender?

If yes then yes, you have full-on same-sex attraction. If you think 'Ooh, I'm not sure' then probably not.
Anonymous

To put it simply I think i'm a lesbian.


:yy:
Reply 11
Anonymous
Okay here's the deal,
To put it simply I think i'm a lesbian, i've had boyfriends before and such but to be honest there has never been much attraction there. I do seem to be more attracted to girls. The thing is how confusing this all is, its not like there is some definitive test to find out if you are or not!
I'm quite a reserved person really and not at all into broadcasting myself so if I was to 'come out' to my friends and family I really would have to be sure of myself first.
What I was wondering was if there are other people who are or who have been in similar situations?


I'm really lucky that I've never had a problem knowing that men are my thaing, but I know a lot of people who have.

The thing I always tell them is, why the rush? Why so in a hurry to put yourself in a box?
I came out to my family when I was 16 and my friends knew from the age of about 13 or 14. I only did that because I was absolutely sure that I was gay - there was no question. If I had been in doubt then I would have let myself grow and discovered what I enjoyed before I went and slapped myself with the "gay" label.

Aside from that, being gay effects your family in such a small way, practically. It only effects them mentally and this is self-inflicted.
Should you decide that you are, in fact, a lesbian what difference does it make to them? They won't be watching you have sex, or you won't be talking to them about the things you enjoy doing during sex so really it's of little relevance to them.
Forget them and sort yourself out - and take your time with it, and be ready to accept whatever you discover.
Goodluck!
:smile:
Reply 12
Zoecb
Very simple way to find out whether you are a lesbian or not:

Can you see yourself HAVING SEX (not kissing, not hugging, but ****ing) with a member of the same gender?

If yes then yes, you have full-on same-sex attraction. If you think 'Ooh, I'm not sure' then probably not.


It's true, it is an official ISO standard, and the ANSII committee is considering to adopt it. There is also talk about creating a new SI unit called the "gay" defined as the level of attraction experienced by a lesbian left within a metre of another woman for 1 hour. Calibration would be achieved by varying the use of make up.
Zoecb
Very simple way to find out whether you are a lesbian or not:

Can you see yourself HAVING SEX (not kissing, not hugging, but ****ing) with a member of the same gender?

If yes then yes, you have full-on same-sex attraction. If you think 'Ooh, I'm not sure' then probably not.


Did it work for you?
can you imagine actually having sex with a girl?

if i had to label myself i'd go for straight, men are completely undoubtedly my thing. but i do sometimes fancy girls and enjoy looking at them like i do with guys. the only difference is with a guy i can and happily do imagine sleeping with them, doing loadsa things. with girls i can only imagine kissing them, but the thought of touching each other sexually is a turnoff.
I don't think you should be in a rush to label yourself. You might be 100% gay, or you might be 100% straight....or you might be anywhere along that scale.

For example, an ex of mine was obviously at least straight enough to enjoy sex with a man (me!) but she also fantasised about women regularly too. It confused her a lot because, like you, she was concerned with what it meant. I helped her see it doesn't matter what it means, you just go with the flow and she was a lot happier, as was I.

I think there's probably a difference between fantasy lesbianism and reality anyway, as some couldn't actually go through with it. Also, in my case (well, the gf's) whilst she could (happily) imagine sex with a woman, she couldn't imagine being in love or in a relationship with one. The point is though, it didn't matter, you can still get what you want without labelling yourself either way.

Just go with what you feel at the time, even if that changes day to day. Don't worry about giving yourself a category, you don't need to explain yourself to anyone.
Reply 16
Guy Secretan
Did it work for you?

Yes... I think sex with women sounds great and I would very much like to do it... so until proven otherwise I suppose that makes me bisexual.


This technique works for 'Do I like someone'? (irrelevent of sexual orientation) as well. Sometimes you kind of like someone but aren't sure... well if you can't imagine enjoying sex with them then the attraction isn't there (at the time of imagining, as it were).
Anonymous
The thing is how confusing this all is, its not like there is some definitive test to find out if you are or not!


Yes there is. Put your face in a muff. Do you like it? If yes then youre probably a lesbian or at least bi, if no then youre straight. You might want to do it more than once just to make sure you didnt get a dodgy one first time round.
Reply 18
happywonderingx
Yes there is. Put your face in a muff. Do you like it? If yes then youre probably a lesbian or at least bi, if no then youre straight. You might want to do it more than once just to make sure you didnt get a dodgy one first time round.


:rofl:

"Argh! Not another dodgy muff!"
happywonderingx
Yes there is. Put your face in a muff. Do you like it? If yes then youre probably a lesbian or at least bi, if no then youre straight. You might want to do it more than once just to make sure you didnt get a dodgy one first time round.


What great advice :rolleyes:

I would suggest that you not worry about it because in time you will figure out who you are and until then just go with the flow and stop pressuring yourself to make a decision on what to label yourself.

Oh and the whole if you cant imagine yourself having sex with them then your straight thing isnt that accurate ether since my friend always found girls attractive but when it came to sex she always would be like 'ughhh no way' then randomly one day she told us she had done the deed and rather enjoyed it...beats me?