z_o_e
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ePret
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i'd give u a grade 6. However, not entirely sure though.
There are improvements i could give you.
for reaching the higher bands, try to talk about the structure and form of the poems. Also, make an introduction, because at the start you focuessed so much on tissues. The questions going to involve comparing, but what you've done is state points for the poems. Try to compare them by saying things like "Tissue has this effect......whereas Ozymandias tries to do this...." Compare the poems as you go. Talk about the form of the poem, the effect if has. You language comparision is good, and it on it's own could be a grade 7, but lack of structure and content of your question are pulling it down. You have compared the form and structure, but you've done it on it's own. Try to link each of your point to the conclusion as well. Say like "Shelley has done this,... she has used it in this part of the play.....and later on says this...." This shows that you can use complex and sophisticated techniques and so on. BTW finish your conclusion lol.
It's a good piece though, however it depends, what year are you in?
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z_o_e
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(Original post by ePret)
i'd give u a grade 6. However, not entirely sure though.
There are improvements i could give you.
for reaching the higher bands, try to talk about the structure and form of the poems. Also, make an introduction, because at the start you focuessed so much on tissues. The questions going to involve comparing, but what you've done is state points for the poems. Try to compare them by saying things like "Tissue has this effect......whereas Ozymandias tries to do this...." Compare the poems as you go. Talk about the form of the poem, the effect if has. You language comparision is good, and it on it's own could be a grade 7, but lack of structure and content of your question are pulling it down. You have compared the form and structure, but you've done it on it's own. Try to link each of your point to the conclusion as well. Say like "Shelley has done this,... she has used it in this part of the play.....and later on says this...." This shows that you can use complex and sophisticated techniques and so on. BTW finish your conclusion lol.
It's a good piece though, however it depends, what year are you in?
Thank you so much, this was very helpful. Any tips on how to structure the paragrahs as i have no clue.

So you're saying as i go along i should compare both the poems. So right from the beginning this shows this and this presents this theme. This verb means this and in this poem this contrasts with this..etc?

And i dont know how to conclude. I dont know what to include and what to write about. Any tips?
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ePret
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when you are saying for example: in Ozymandias Shelley has described the desert to "stretch far away." She has used this term towards the end of the poem, after describing the King in a series of adjectives and verbs. The effect of this is that it shows the insignificance of the King, and Shelley relates to the power fo nature, that it lasts longer than human power, which will soon be a "colossol wreck."
After this, say something that is contrasting or similar to from Tissue. By doing this, you're showing you can link a lot of details from one poem to another.
For structuring the paragraphs, try to introduce the 2 poems as something that is similar, or different. You don't have to use quotes for the introduction.
Yes, as you go along, compare the 2 poems.
In conlusion, try to sum up everything you said. So say something like "overall Shelley has presented the power of nature, and has contrasted it with the power of humans, and that nature is dominating." Do the same for Tissue, then say "while Tissue foccusses on this....Ozymandias focusses on this....." Then say something similar, "however both poems convey this ...theme or message or etc." try to be philosopical at the end.
Sorry for bad english, lol.
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z_o_e
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(Original post by ePret)
i'd give u a grade 6. However, not entirely sure though.
There are improvements i could give you.
for reaching the higher bands, try to talk about the structure and form of the poems. Also, make an introduction, because at the start you focuessed so much on tissues. The questions going to involve comparing, but what you've done is state points for the poems. Try to compare them by saying things like "Tissue has this effect......whereas Ozymandias tries to do this...." Compare the poems as you go. Talk about the form of the poem, the effect if has. You language comparision is good, and it on it's own could be a grade 7, but lack of structure and content of your question are pulling it down. You have compared the form and structure, but you've done it on it's own. Try to link each of your point to the conclusion as well. Say like "Shelley has done this,... she has used it in this part of the play.....and later on says this...." This shows that you can use complex and sophisticated techniques and so on. BTW finish your conclusion lol.
It's a good piece though, however it depends, what year are you in?
Heyaa can you mark this out of 8 please
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