Worried about my relationship

I had never been in a proper relationship before i started uni last year, and was really looking forward to the opportunity of meeting more girls and the possibility of starting a relationship with someone i really liked.

so i started uni and about half way thru the year, i started dating a girl i'd been very close friends with from the start. we've been going out for over 6 months now, never had an argument, and i can honestly say its been the happiest 6 months of my life.

however...

i'm starting to worry that i've not experienced enough of the single life, or even just dating girls for a while and it not working out. also theres i'm a bit worried this could be the only girl i sleep with and for all i know i could be missing out big time.

i love her for sure, and wouldnt want to do anything to hurt her but its getting deeper and deeper into the relationship... it feels like its moving quite quickly too. we've living together next year in a rented flat, along with 4 other friends... but it will mean we're with eachother 24/7 barring lectures.

so i guess what i'm really asking is... what should i do? she's dated a few guys before uni so was quite happy to settle down, whereas i went to an all boys school and let myself have a somewhat crippled social life during the gcse/a level period. a month or so into the relationship, she asked if i was ok getting so involved with her because i told her about how i resented my lack of social life and at the time i was 100% sure it was fine.

i fear if i talk to her about it, she'll suggest a trial separation type thing which i really don't want. i care about her so much but i can't stop these thoughts entering my head. help!

Reply 1

pumpkin7

are you sure she is ready to settle down at what, 19/20?

i think if you are having these doubts then you shouldn't be in a relationship. you can't have your cake and eat it too! you either want to be in a relationship with this girl, or you don't. i think you need to make a decision before you do end up hurting someone.

Reply 2

KarlZ

The grass isnt always greener on the other side. I am in a relationship and like you its my first one. My bf on the other is somewhat a lot more experienced, however are you really willing to give up what you have? You care for her and love her. Do you really want to give it up for a few more nights of sex with other grls to be more 'experienced'? Which may lead nowhere. You should slow things down with your gf, even though you will be living together make sure that you each have your own time and each do your own thing. You dont need to ruin a good relationship, just take a step back and slow things down. You have stated that these last 6 months have been the best ever for you.

Reply 3

notsoperfect

like this person above said, the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

i was in an amazing relationship for six months, at which my then-boyfriend broke up with me as i was going travelling, and he saw it as a good moment to do it i suppose (i was leaving the country and we could get over each other). we were really happy together, but i think it was a bit much for him. i was the first girl that he had ever loved, respected, treated well etc, and he was getting freaked out at it all getting a bit serious.

it was only when i got back from travelling that i found out that he had a new girlfriend. basically, he got together with the first girl who was around when we broke up and i was in asia - i think he realised that it was a mistake for us to break up, but he went into rebound mode. and he hurt me so, so much. i haven't really been able to get over it since.

i know the situation is a little different but please think carefully about your girlfriend's feelings. i was absolutely devastated at what he did. the grass isn't always greener. you should appreciate what you have.

Reply 4

emzay

I think the fact you don't want a trial separation gives you the answer! Do you really think things could be better with someone else? If you have a good relationship with your girlfriend, then do you really want to throw that all away just to see what might be out there? I think you should talk to her about things, because I doubt she is ready to completely settle down yet, and just see how she's feeling about things. You could always tell her things are moving a bit too fast, just so you can get a bit more space. If you have more space, you may realise that there's no way you want to risk your relationship for the sake of more experience!

Reply 5

Joderz

why do people tell us young 'uns (lol!) that we should be single when we're young?!!as if we're going to be less happy in a relationship!!don't get why people equate young people with the single life as if they naturally go hand in hand!!!If you're happy in your relationship then hold onto it!!!you've basically skipped the 5 years where people date and 'enjoy the single life' in order to find that person that makes them happy!!count yourself lucky not to have to put up with that crap!the single life aint all its cracked up to be! you sound really happy as you are and sounds to me like you're just growing up and experiencing life as you are!

If this relationship doesn't work out then you'll have plenty of time to experience the single life if you break up!!but don't throw away your relationship just to get more 'experience'. Don't feel like you're missing out or going against what's 'right'.Everything happens for a reason and you've got, at the moment, the thing that some spend years looking for!!!

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

thanks for the replies everyone. i think just some reassurance that i'm not 100% missing out on the single life, is all i wanted to hear. i havn't seen her for like a day and i'm already missing her so much. :smile:

Reply 7

Joderz

awww you're so cute!!!wish i was still in that honeymoon period with my bf!!!lol!ur rly lucky

Reply 8

Profesh

You lucky bugger.

Reply 9

Siz

Can I just add one thing?
I met my boyfriend in Feb 06. I've spent the last academic year living with him and some of our friends - and I can honestly say it wasn't that much different to being in halls :P Sure, it was a bit different - I mean, it's your own house, relationships with your housemates inevitably change when you live together, just you lot under one roof (hopefully for the better!) but I found it put no strain on our relationship. Also, you say you're living with 4 other friends, so that's a 6-bedroom house? Pretty big. :smile:

There were 9 of us, but even with 6, you're easily going to be able to find your own space if you need it. I take it you'll have separate bedrooms? I don't think you'll find living with her that much of an issue so long as you both respect the fact that you might want some space sometimes.

she asked if i was ok getting so involved with her because i told her about how i resented my lack of social life

Maybe you need to find a bit more balance? Surely she can't begrudge you getting involved with more societies/going out with your friends a bit more rather than just her (if that's what's happening.)

My advice would be, don't do anything at the moment. Just go along with it - enjoy it. As emzay said, if you don't want a trial separation, you surely don't want a full separation!! Just make sure your social life isn't suffering too much, get involved in things you want to do and have fun. If you feel differently in the future, then by all means be honest and end it - but for now, you love her, it sounds like she loves you, you're happy - and you've got friends around as well. Perfect. :smile:

Good luck!

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