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Am I being stupid because I don't want my boyfriend to use a condom..at least once

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 months now and our sex life is great. However, he refuses, even in the heat of the moment, to have sex without a condom. I know this is highly sensible because of the risk of getting pregnant but I just want one time where it's not interuupted because he has to put the condom on.

I am on the pill and I take it religiously and never ever miss it. I'm not asking for it to be a regular thing because like I said it's sensible. How do i go about asking him? I don't want to come across as the psycho girlfreind?

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Original post by Anonymous
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 months now and our sex life is great. However, he refuses, even in the heat of the moment, to have sex without a condom. I know this is highly sensible because of the risk of getting pregnant but I just want one time where it's not interuupted because he has to put the condom on.

I am on the pill and I take it religiously and never ever miss it. I'm not asking for it to be a regular thing because like I said it's sensible. How do i go about asking him? I don't want to come across as the psycho girlfreind?


All you can do is speak to him in a sensible non judgemental manner, no form of contraception is 100% so it could be that he isnt comfortable with just using the one type at a time.
Look, I'm sure you two have a wonderful relationship but he is being wise and protecting himself. Even if you're on the pill he has to take your word for it. Although I'm sure you are responsible like you say there have been many a girl whose said the same thing and we're actually following up and ended up pregnant. He likes you and want to be with you but he isn't ready for the commitment of a child. You have, obviously, told him your desire and he hasn't backed down. That is really all you can do.... you have to respect his concerns which, frankly, trump yours. There will be plenty of time in your future to go without just not now.
Reply 3
One of the big advantages of a longer term committed relationship is sex without a condom. Of course as well as pregnancy, which is pretty low risk if you're on the pill, there is the issue of STI. Perhaps he's worried about this? But that can be cleared by a visit to the clinic too. To be honest I'm with you
Reply 4
Why is sex without a condom so important to you? If this is a hard line for him (as in something he doesn't want to budge on) then you either continue having sex with him or youre honest that you can't respect his boundaries and decide it's a deal breaker for you. It's really not much of a hardship to wait a few seconds for a condom. I've been with my partner for over 5 1/2 years and we have had sex without a condom once. Seriously not a big deal.

I was much happier knowing that he valued both of us enough to use one. It's not a courtesy i had experienced before.
(edited 7 years ago)
Reply 5
It's really no different to you saying you definitely didn't want to do anal and him saying..yeah but it's only the once. I just want to feel the difference and not have to go through the hardship of just imagining it. You'd be pretty annoyed if he couldn't respect your boundaries and wanted to try and convince you out of them. When he is ready to go without one, he will say.
Reply 6
Original post by Anonymous
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 months now and our sex life is great. However, he refuses, even in the heat of the moment, to have sex without a condom. I know this is highly sensible because of the risk of getting pregnant but I just want one time where it's not interuupted because he has to put the condom on.

I am on the pill and I take it religiously and never ever miss it. I'm not asking for it to be a regular thing because like I said it's sensible. How do i go about asking him? I don't want to come across as the psycho girlfreind?


Tell him that you will definitely have an abortion if you become pregnant.
Reply 7
Maybe a female/in condom would be a compromise that would work for the both of you? You can put it in you in advance, so there'd be no need to interrupt proceedings once you got into it, but you and your bf would still get the protection he wants
Reply 8
As much as you may want to, the most you can do is suggest it to your boyfriend and see how he responds - I don't think you will come across as a 'psycho-girlfriend', I'm sure he'll understand provided you make it clear you just want to try it. However, if he feels more comfortable using one then it's probably best to respect that until he's ready to take the risk. You may be on the pill, but there is always the possibility and sometimes it's just better to be safe than sorry, especially with short-term relationships.
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by Josb
Tell him that you will definitely have an abortion if you become pregnant.


How would he know if she will stick with that? People change their minds... he's doing the right thing.

Doesn't the media usually state that the man has to be in control with the use of contraceptives????
Your boyfriend is a smart guy.

Tell him to sign up to TSR, so I can rep him.
Four months isn't that long, and its great he is being sensible about safe sex.

I've been with my boyfriend for three years today, and the number of times we have had sex, we have always used a condom. It's not worth the risk as neither of us feel ready or mature enough for the consequences currently. And your boyfriend doesn't appear to be ready either. Combined both the condom and the pill make it almost impossible to get pregnant, take one away, there will always be that seed of doubt. Your boyfriend may feel one time will turn into more.

Why is it so important to have one time without one? Whats the need?
lol at 'Remove That Condom!' btw
Original post by Wilfred Little
Your boyfriend is a smart guy.

Tell him to sign up to TSR, so I can rep him.


'all the way up!' :tongue:
Original post by Anonymous
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 months now and our sex life is great. However, he refuses, even in the heat of the moment, to have sex without a condom. I know this is highly sensible because of the risk of getting pregnant but I just want one time where it's not interuupted because he has to put the condom on.

I am on the pill and I take it religiously and never ever miss it. I'm not asking for it to be a regular thing because like I said it's sensible. How do i go about asking him? I don't want to come across as the psycho girlfreind?


Just tell him straight up but at the same time if it is what he wants to do then you cannot force him not to, guess it will be either put up with it or you may have to re-evaluate your relationship with him. Also the risk of STI's without a condom.
why you so selfish for
Reply 16
Original post by BigMan Ting
How would he know if she will stick with that? People change their minds... he's doing the right thing.

Doesn't the media usually state that the man has to be in control with the use of contraceptives????


Well a relationship is about trusting each other. So if she firmly says that she will abort, then he should feel more confident about doing it without a condom.
Every relationship I've been in we've stopped using condoms in favour of the pill, and I've been able to trust that my partner would abort if she became pregnant. Perhaps reassuring him of that will help in your case too, if he knows that you want a child as little as he does.

But of course, it's not unwise of him not to be 100% trusting; and even with the best trust it can be hard to overcome a fear of having sex with a condom if you've stuck to it so religiously in the past. So I can sympathize with him and the solution can only be you reassuring him and hoping that he changes his mind.
Original post by Anonymous
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 months now and our sex life is great. However, he refuses, even in the heat of the moment, to have sex without a condom. I know this is highly sensible because of the risk of getting pregnant but I just want one time where it's not interuupted because he has to put the condom on.

I am on the pill and I take it religiously and never ever miss it. I'm not asking for it to be a regular thing because like I said it's sensible. How do i go about asking him? I don't want to come across as the psycho girlfreind?


I volunteer as tribute.
Have you both been for STD tests? If not, then don't.

I find it crazy the number of people I know who have gotten an STD just because of being complete idiots.

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