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GF going to Uni ( Probably Posted 50 Times )

But i haven't really got time to look through pages of threads to find another one to post this in as i've got to go to work soon.

Basically me and my GF' have been together for nearly a year and shes planning on going to Cardiff uni next year ( she's going into yr 13 in a few weeks ).
And i just wanted to ask a few questions , you have all probably heard this 50,000 times before but i just want some opinions.

As i said we have been together for a year , so when she leaves it will be about 2 years.
I live in Bristol and shes hoping to go to Cardiff , so its not that far so i can go there whenever she / I want to really.
We are both very strong together.
For a start i have a tattoo on my back with lyrics from "Our Song" which i got 2 months ago. Lyrics are " I'll Never Let You Go , If You Promise Not To Fade Away , Never Fade Away.." From a song by Muse.
And she tells me everyday how much she loves me and will never leave me for anyone / anything.
But i have looked at a few threads on here , and some people have said people change ETC.
We have made long term plans , and were planning on me moving to wales with her when she goes to uni ( Me getting a flat nearby ) And even getting married and kids some day
.
But im currently searching for a fulltime job and so far its not going to well.
I was planning on saving up quite a bit of money in the year before she goes so if i move ive got money to support us until i either get a new job , or i settle in and can commute the 45 mins back to Bristol

But we have decided if worst comes to worst we will just live the 30-45 mins away from each other so as i said i can get there very easily.

Even though i trust that she has never cheated or lied to me in any way and i believe everything she says , i sometimes cannot help getting a little paranoid about what might happen.

I just think sometimes of her , living with other boys in the same place , getting drunk all the time , me not knowing where she is all the time ETC.
And i just get really negative and most of the time end up crying when im on my own.
Ive spoke to her about and she tells me things like " As long as we both believe in each other it will be fine we just have to be strong " & " I promise i wont ever do anything to hurt you ".
I believe she wont cheat on me as the 2 things she cant stand are liers and cheaters.

Ive always had a fear of people leaving me since my birth parents dumped me when i was about 6 weeks old.
And every girl i have been out with before has cheated on me.
I think this might be part of the problem.

I don't want to leave her for anything and i know we will give it our best shot.
But can anyone recommend anything.
Therapy for paranoia ETC?
Thanks in advance

Luke , Bristol.
xxxxx

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Reply 1

Adam456

hey mate, me and you are in the same(ish) situation then.
We've been going out for 2 years, shes off to cardiff uni next month. ill be on my last year at swansea uni. its about an hours drive away, and hopefully after ive finished uni i can find a job up in cardiff to be near her.
I suppose i'm a little paranoid too, i've spent nearly everyday with her these last 2 years, so its going to be tough only seeing her once a week/twice. but hopefully we can do it :smile:

Like you said people on here have said, people change when they go to uni :frown:

so hope its not true, and she doesnt end up cheating on me. Got to build up some trust i guess.

Adam.

Reply 2

*LiGhTniNg AnGeL*

Hiya! Thats so sweet! Your not paranoid at all, what your feeling is perfectly natural, i mean you do love and everything, but i think wiv love comes trust. If you love each other as much as you say you do, then their shouldn't be a problem with her moving away. Anyway she won't cheat on you, from what you've said it may strengthen your relationship with her going to uni! sorry if i wasn't much help!

Reply 3

FluffyDinosaur

Thanks a lot mate , we see each other every day aswell
Think weve seen each other every day for about the last 5-6 months :s-smilie:

Its just the living with other boys , parties , pissups that bugs me.
Good luck anyway man.

Reply 4

FluffyDinosaur

Thanks to Raff too , yeah it helped a lot :smile:

Reply 5

emzay

You've just got to remember that just because other girls have cheated on you before, it doesn't mean that she will. You have to trust her, and not let your own past experiences affect how you feel. I know it's hard, but it's only fair really :smile:

. Does she like going out and getting drunk a lot? And how does she act when she's drunk? My boyfriend is going to go to uni, but since he doesn't like getting drunk and partying that much it makes me feel better about things. I don't know about any therapy for paranoia, but the best thing is just to keep talking. Talk every day if you can, make sure she knows what's going on in her life and what's going on in yours. I think you should also tell her about your worries, and she's probably thinking the same thing - what about if you meet someone while she's away? By making things completely out in the open it should make things a whole lot easier.

Reply 6

Adam456

yeah that bugs me too, but if she loves you, then she wouldnt cheat on you. gotta see how it goes :smile:

Reply 7

Tailz

I've been through it mate, and me and my bf are still going stong, he graduated this year!!! I've had to cope with him being in Wales for 3 years but we coped, we HAD to cope because we wanted to be together. We made it last by traveling in turns each weekend or whenever we could and it was really easy once we got used to it. Summer is hard coz you have them all to yourself again and then you lose them but if the love is strong so will be your relationship.

Reply 8

prettygreeneyes99

Aww, this is sweet! Alot of people when they start uni have to deal with much longer distances between them and their boyfriend/girlfriend and they work out fine! 45 minutes commuting is nothing really! ... so just enjoy the next year with your girlfriend being able to spend as much time as you want with eachother, and you have ages to find a full time job!... people can change at uni, but its not as if you'll ever be too far away so if you have an argument etc etc, she'll only be 45 mins away, and people dont get drunk ALL the time, its just an image thats put out, people dont get degrees from being drunk for 3 years! Oh and not all girls are the same, she sounds like she cares about you alot so just believe it and enjoy it!

Reply 9

prettygreeneyes99

ooo and another thing... in my group of friends there's 5/6 people who started at uni with boyfriends/girlfriends.. only one has broken up with their girlfriend so far, and they were having problems when he came to uni anyway :smile:

Reply 10

FluffyDinosaur

To whoever said , "does she like getting drunk and partying all the time"

she likes to go down town and drink with some of her mates who are girls , not that often though , as she dosn't see them as much now shes met me , but she tells me if anyone comes near here she tells them where to go and just walks off etc. :smile:

thats a + i spose.

Reply 11

Helenia

oveRkill

Thanks a lot mate , we see each other every day aswell
Think weve seen each other every day for about the last 5-6 months :s-smilie:

Its just the living with other boys , parties , pissups that bugs me.
Good luck anyway man.

She's allowed to have a life. I know it's hard if you're used to being a part of it and suddenly you're not, but you want her to enjoy her time at uni, right? Living with other guys is no more a threat than seeing them in any other context, and everyone likes to go out sometimes. If you trust each other, and it's meant to be, then it will work. Just don't get in her way in the first few weeks - let her find her feet.

Of course, I have to point out that MOST relationships do not work once one person has gone to uni, for a million and one reasons, but if you want it to, it's worth a try. Don't screw up either your future or hers for your relationship at the moment though.

Reply 12

khil

I remember hearing someone say once - people change, but if you're right for each other than you'll only become closer through this change. And if you're not right for each other, this change will mean you'll drift apart.

After all, if the person's right, then you're meant to grow old with them, right? Growing - it involves growing, and as we grow we change - we were never meant to never change, but we're meant to stay together with our spouses as we change and the change shouldn't wedge us apart. And it won't, if she's right for you.

As for paranoia - it's good that you know it's paranoia. That's the first step. The rest is just being logical about it so you're in control of your paranoia, and talk to your girlfriend. Often, a word of reassurance from my boyfriend stops the paranoia completely, and other times, just the dawn of some realisation. But since you know it's just paranoia, you know it's not true, therefore it's an illusion you can get out of :smile:

You don't have to be trapped in paranoia forever. You're only trapped when it's reality and the very definition of paranoia is that you're scared for no reason, which means it's not reality, so there's nothing to be scared of.

Good luck :hugs:

Sounds like both of you are determined to make this work and committed, so I don't see why it wouldn't.

Reply 13

FluffyDinosaur

Thanks so much everyone so far but ive gotta go get ready for work now.
Thanks again :smile:

Reply 14

x_jessi_x

me and my bf are going to seperate unis, we will have been together for 3 years in dec. I love him to bits and see him nearly everyday, however we plan to see each other every other week(which is going to be tough), so we can socialise with uni mates, i know ppl who have gone to uni and they see each other every weekend and have no mates at uni. you got to trust her if she says she isn't going to cheat then believe her, but like the above post you need to let her have fun and enjoy herself and wait until shes settled in, then you can sort out when to see each other and 45 mins is hardly any time to travel.

Reply 15

theredsox

I wouldn't worry about it yet. You have a year left. People change, things change. There's plenty of time to work it out, and closer the time. People can have the best intentions in the world and things still won't work out the way they want them to.

Reply 16

FluffyDinosaur

sorry to bump an old thread , but my gf is on hols and had a chat with her dad , n she told me wht he said...

she said " my dad said , dont expect it to work when you go to uni , ive been in that position and it didnt work , it never works " n stuff like that , and she told me shes going to prove him wrong.

and while im writing this im feelin a bit better already as whenever me / anyone says she cant / wont do something , she always does , shes so stubborn.
still wasnt very nice :frown:

Reply 17

prettygreeneyes99

Some people are just cynical when they've been in a situation and it hasnt worked for them. Her dad cant speak for everyone who's ever been in this situation, just try and ignore it :smile:

Reply 18

FluffyDinosaur

thanks a lot again :smile:

Reply 19

xXMessedUpXx

hmmm

Ok so i'm going to put a downer on things but this is just my opinion, so please don't take it as anything more. Firstly..people change. You're both young, and i can gurantee that over the next year you're both gonna go through changes as people, whether you'll still love each other is not somthing your gonna really know until next year.

Secondly you've only been together a year. Ok so yeah it can seem a long time but i was wih my ex for nearly 3...and in 3 years we both changed, we both went to uni, we had a year when my ex forst went and we were aprt and it went ok, but one of the reasons we've split up is that he had to move back home, and that it was getting a bit too serious.

Thridly don't let your paranoia and worry have an effect on her or how you are together. Its natural to worry, spesh if youve been cheated on before. But if you let yourself worry about it then evtually your going to risk driving her away, you just have to let her get on with things. Uni is a big enough deal as it is without the added pressure of having to worry about whether ur bf is thinkign ur gonna cheat on him.

wish you the best of luck, just be prepared for the fact it may not all be plain sailing. However if your as strong together as you say you are, then you really don't need to worry.