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Boyfriend's Ex

Hi all, I've been with my boyfriend officially for a month and a half now (we were "seeing" each other for months before that). He split up with his ex over a year and a half ago and they agreed to tell each other if either of them starting seeing someone else - which he did as soon as we decided to go for it.

In January this year he wanted to get back with her, and they had a chat, where she said she didn't want to go back and that she had moved on from it (not with someone else), and he realised that so had he, but he missed being in a relationship, but wasn't sure he was ready for one with someone new i.e. me.

Anyway, when he told her, she admitted she found it weird (which is totally fair enough! I remember that feeling!) but now she's telling him that she's still got feelings for him and she's really upset that he's with me now.

I know seeing an ex with someone new is really difficult, and I desperately don't want them to fall out cause of me, but she's starting to get annoying now, and it's really stressing him out. She's saying things like she's gutted that he's moved on, and she's got things she really has to say to him - but not actually saying much!

I don't really know how to approach the situation :s-smilie:

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

OP

Sorry, can't edit as it's Anon - but I'm anon cause I have mates on here who I'd rather not know about this.

Reply 2

Fluent in Lies

2

Tell her:

'yo girlé, you had yo' chance, mmmhmm, you blew it bitch. Gettovver it'

Or I think your boyfriend has to make a decision that he is with you, and then make it clear to his ex that this is the case. It;s not fair on you otherwise.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Fluent in Lies

Tell her:

'yo girlé, you had yo' chance, mmmhmm, you blew it bitch. Gettovver it'

Or I think your boyfriend has to make a decision that he is with you, and then make it clear to his ex that this is the case. It;s not fair on you otherwise.

My boyfriend's being wonderful about it all - he's 100% with me, and things are amazing at the moment. I just wish she'd not be such a drama queen about it, really! I don't know what she's expecting - he's not about to dump me and go back to her - they've been split up a long time, and it was him who suggested the two of us become a proper item. I think they're meeting up tonight to have a chat.

Thing is, I was in a similar situation with my last long term relationship when that ended, and my ex met someone else - I remember feeling sick to the stomach for months, but instead of going all amateur dramatics on him, I explained I felt weird and took some space from him for a while (which is now three years and counting, lol - we just drifted apart).

It's not like we're all teenagers and new to this - all early 20's - and I think she's being quite childish about things. Recently she called him and asked if she could come over - making sure I wasn't there first - and promptly burst into tears on him about it all.

I really don't want them to fall out, cause I'm sure she's a lovely person, but I don't know how much more of this we can take before we have to have serious "words" with her.

Reply 4

DodgyTrousers

7

Make sure your boyfriend is being as resolute with her as he should be, she's getting hope from somewhere (probably just in her head though).

Like you say, it's not your fault things are the way they are. If she can't accept it and grow up, I'd say you and your other half should cut off contact with her because she's only going to get worse. Don't be suprised if she starts trying to lie to you about imaginary things your boyfriend is doing either, as that coming over and bawling behaviour smacks of sneaky desperation.

I hope you sort it out, but make your boyfriend realise that he needs to push her away too or it's not going to work. Sometimes (and I think we've all been there), nothing short of "sod off away from me ffs" is really going to cut it. The smallest amount of nice is just a green light to them.

Reply 5

shauny

This is a typical case of what I call chick drama. She just wants what she can't have now. When he was wanting to get back with her, she had all the power, and said no. Now that he's moved on and she can see he doesn't need her at all anymore, she wants him back again.

(I'm not saying she doesn't have feelings for him, btw, and she's probably a very decent person)

..shauny

Reply 6

Robob

17

See, this is why relationships should always end badly :smile:

Reply 7

Meep!

9

Smack the b**** up!

Well... on a serious note, I'd have a chat with her if I were you. She needs to realise that she had her chance, and that just because she misses having him as her boyfriend, does not mean that she is entitled to have him back. If, as you say, he asked her back and she refused, then frankly, the way I see it, it is her fault that she is in the situation she now is. Whether she did it because she felt powerful that way, or because she really didn't want him then, she can't reverse that. It's unfair on him, and unfair on you.

Reply 8

ISH

9

If it's going to cause problems for you two, he needs to tell her he can't speak to her for a while.

Reply 9

silverbolt

19

OP this girl has a case of wanting what she cant have. And chances are it will blow over. As was said she had her chance

Reply 10

prettygreeneyes99

9

wow, your understanding, if it was me I would have got really mad by now! But yea leave it a couple of weeks and if she still hasnt got the message then your boyfriend should really cut contact with her completely..

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

OP

Apparently she wasn't 100% sure that he wanted to be with me instead of her - which he put her right on last night - and she says ok to just being friends. I told my boyfriend my fears too last night, that sometimes I felt like a bit of a consolation prize, but he reassured me by saying he wouldn't get back with her if he wasn't with me... I sometimes panic that the relationship isn't entirely what he wants, but he says it is.

Reply 12

notsoperfect

1

from the point of view of the ex girlfriend who is probably really jealous - just stay with it. i wouldn't make too big a deal out if it. just let him know that you're here for him. don't go bitching about her or anything. i suppose i have been the girl that she is being - although it was a much shorter timescale and i do think that YOUR boyfriend's ex seems like she is being really clingy and should have got over it by now (a year and half is a bit much!) - in my situation, my ex boyfriend got together with his new girlfriend about a month after we split and it was awful for me, absolutely awful. it hurt me so much. but i think in the case of your boyfriend and his ex, he needs to ignore her and just let her know that she can't control him.

Boyfriend's Ex

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