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Will I ever get though this ?

Well, I'm the poster of another thread about sending my ex a thank you note...

Basically, the jerk dumped me 7 months ago, no contact most of the time..just recently had some conversations going on YM

One day I logged on YM and he sent me off messages saying that he hoped I'd have a good night with friends etc...

The other day, I was online and he started the conversation, nothing about our relationship or something, literally complaining that he had to resit an exam the next day, he asked me to download for him the paper from the link he gave me as his connection was slow...so I just did it and sent back to his email, that was it ! I went offline and said goodluck to him, he said thanks etc.. I'm wondering what his motives are...

Yesterday was his b'day and as many people advised me, I didn't send anything: no ecards, no emails, no offline messages now I feel a bit sad :frown:

, why should I be feeling this way ?

After the break -up I was very furious and we had serious arguments, on the phone and through YM as he dumped me by a text...he swore that he would never want to hear anything from me but he then was the one who contacted me after those months :confused:

I hate it, it made me feel good at first but then I realised that it was just another ego boost to him and I maybe considered as a safety net. I feel so hurt and although I know it doesn't do anything good to me, I just want to contact him...I have to say that it's just so weird he's not good looking, not good at academics like I'm except for one thing he was my first boyfriend :frown:

I don't know when I totally get over this ? Has anyone got through hard time like this ?

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

OP

Anyone ?

Reply 2

Meep!

9

Of course you will 'get through it'. I think it's good that you guys are on speaking terms now, messy break ups, and one party refusing to speak to the other are just annoying to everyone around them-it creates all sorts of implications; Who do you ask to that party? If you ask one, the other will get pissed off, but if you ask them both, they'll argue. etc.

Don't read too much into it, just be friendly, I see nothing wrong with that. Remember you are your own person, he can't force you back into anything if you don't want it.

Reply 3

Laus

13

It sounds to me like this guy is playing mind games. He's the one that wanted to cut off all contact with you. If I were you, I'd try to avoid seeing or speaking to this guy. He obviously makes you feel miserable and running to he every beckoned call (e.g. helping him out with work etc.) is going to make it that much harder for you to get over him. He's acting as if nothing has happen - which isn't a bad thing in itself but it is causing you a lot of pain and it isn't making your life any easier.

You should NOT feel guilty about not contacting him on his birthday. Unlike you, this guy doesn't know what is appropriate and what isn't. He doesn't have the right to pick up where he left off. If you get back with him, you'll probably end up getting hurt again.

I'm sorry that you feel hurt :hugs:

. I wish I could make you feel better about yourself. First boyfriends are always hard to let go of/forget. I can guarantee you, however, that someone really special will come along one day and you wont even give this loser a second thought. You sound like you've got a lot going for yourself and you most definitely deserve better.

You will get over him. It might take time but you wont feel like this forever. I used to be absolutely besotted with a guy (and then he cheated on me :frown:

) - I felt terrible!! I honestly thought I'd never get over him. I did :smile:

and... looking back I'm so glad our relationship wasn't long term. I don't know what I ever saw in him!

Keep your chin up chick... you will get through this. :smile:

xx

Reply 4

Fluent in Lies

2

The guy politely asks you to see if you can acess a web page that he cant and you start reading in that he's playing mind games and is after an ego boost.

Am I missing something here?

If everyone who said 'I'm never speaking to you again' in an argument actually followed it through, there wouldn't be many people talking to one another.

Reply 5

The Bishman

8

Fluent in Lies

The guy politely asks you to see if you can acess a web page that he cant and you start reading in that he's playing mind games and is after an ego boost.

Am I missing something here?

If everyone who said 'I'm never speaking to you again' in an argument actually followed it through, there wouldn't be many people talking to one another.

Agreed, all he did was ask for a reasonable request to have you download something as his connection was bad. Now if thats a mind game it'll take the CSI guys to crack it...

Overeaction much?

Reply 6

Laus

13

Fluent in Lies

The guy politely asks you to see if you can acess a web page that he cant and you start reading in that he's playing mind games and is after an ego boost.

Am I missing something here?

If everyone who said 'I'm never speaking to you again' in an argument actually followed it through, there wouldn't be many people talking to one another.

He dumped her and then didn't contact her for 7 months… then just picked her up where he left off. I don't know about you but I find that pretty insulting. Sorry, perhaps I was a little too judgemental... how would you feel if someone you really liked (your first, for instance) randomly got back in touch when you weren't over him/her? I know it would throw me.

Reply 7

Laus

13

Anyway, sorry if I overreacted. I got a little bit carried away.

:smile:

Reply 8

Persephone*

Don't associate with anyone who dumps you by a text

Reply 9

Joderz

hey!i think you should just be polite and try and be civil (hard i know!) BUT when i split up with my ex we didnt speak for yonks (actually, HE didnt speak to ME) but it slowly started to get better after a few months and now everything is fine now. maybe just try your best to be nice but not too nice seeing as he didnt treat u massively well!!!!you well get through this btw, it'll just take time. remember it's HIS loss

Reply 10

Fluent in Lies

2

Laus

He dumped her and then didn't contact her for 7 months… then just picked her up where he left off. I don't know about you but I find that pretty insulting. Sorry, perhaps I was a little too judgemental... how would you feel if someone you really liked (your first, for instance) randomly got back in touch when you weren't over him/her? I know it would throw me.

I would probably reply to them as I would anyone else, but thats just me. If you want me to try and read into it I would imagine that they've decided that its past any sensitive period, and would like to start chatting again. I might even go so far as to think that them asking me to help them with a link is a way to initiated a first conversation. Or perhaps they've not thought twice about you since the breakup, its all forgotten to him, and now he's just treating you like anyone else - not seeing any reason not to talk to you. In anycase I can't see you losing by just re-initiating a dialogue, and seeing how things go.

But this is extremely hypothetical and probably in no way relates to the original scenario.

Reply 11

notsoperfect

1

awww. just leave it. i know it would have been nice to wish him a happy birthday, but i think you should ignore it. don't wonder about "if i say this to him, what will he think" or, "if i don't say this to him, what will he think" - just try and get on with things and be happy as your own person. you'll feel better in a few days and feel glad you didn't contact him - i think wishing him a happy birthday would only be something you regret.

Reply 12

HereFishyFishy

13

I remember you. Didn't he make you do loads of essays for him!?

If so, what the hell were you doing downloading some work for him? You have to make him do this himself. I thought you'd completely cut contact? That guy is a user and a total waste of space. Keep out of his way.

Reply 13

FCabinet34x72

1

Meep!

Of course you will 'get through it'. I think it's good that you guys are on speaking terms now, messy break ups, and one party refusing to speak to the other are just annoying to everyone around them-it creates all sorts of implications; Who do you ask to that party? If you ask one, the other will get pissed off, but if you ask them both, they'll argue. etc.

Don't read too much into it, just be friendly, I see nothing wrong with that. Remember you are your own person, he can't force you back into anything if you don't want it.

I'd tell him that you're not taking anymore of his lies!

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

OP

Laces

I remember you. Didn't he make you do loads of essays for him!?

If so, what the hell were you doing downloading some work for him? You have to make him do this himself. I thought you'd completely cut contact? That guy is a user and a total waste of space. Keep out of his way.

Yes, it was me and here is my another thread http://thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=434277

I deleted him from my list but since I'm still on his list so I didn't know that when I was online he knew it, that's when he started the conversation..

Thanks Laus, Laces and everyone else...

Fluent in lies: I understand what u r thinking but the thing is when u experienced this kind of thing like I did, u would be just like me =). He literally dumped me twice by texts,first time I took him back, he used me, found out he cheated on me, he dumped me again accusing me of not trusting him...

It's just too hurtful, I hate this feeling...

Will I ever get though this ?

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