Almost over a girl - ensuring no relapse?

Long story short, I was pining after one of the few female-friends I have for a few months, and she, by her own admission, led me on for a while before rejecting me and going out with some other dude.

Fortunately our friendship survived this and she was kind enough to put up with my feeling like crap (although to be fair had she not led me on then my feelings for her wouldn't have intensified, resulting in this), and gave me some very honest answers.

Anyway, since the Uni year ended (mid-June), I've attempted to supress, kill, and otherwise bury my romantic feelings for her and just appreciate her as a friend. We still speak most days, which might make the "recovery process" a bit slower, but not actually seeing her has certainly helped, and for my own sake, I've backed off a bit with texting/MSNing her just to ensure I get over this.

The last few weeks I've felt as though my getting over her is nearly complete, and although I did have a bit of a relapse of anger/frustration/heartbreak recently, generally it's all good.

My question is this: is there anything I can do to ensure there's no relapse? I won't see her for another 5 weeks yet when Uni starts, and by then I expect to be nearly compeltely healed. I refuse to cut her out of my life as I'm more honest with her than anyone and vice versa. I will no doubt cut down on seeing her a little bit but I still intend on seeing her regularly, but I just hope that these feelings of embitterment don't come back, as I don't want to risk the friendship.

I'm guessing a good way to put this behind me is to "GFTOW" as the phrase goes. By my own admission I had "oneitis" and meeting other women will help, but I don't want to be comparing them to her, and moreover, don't want to take that "done, onto the next one" attitude. It has been 4 months since she burned me so I guess it's been a more than respectable time before trying again with another girl, but still...

This may all sound incredibly sad/trivial, for which I implicitly apologise, it's simply that a) I've never had a girlfriend, nor any sort of physical contact with women b) I'm a rather shy lad by my own admission c) She did by her own admission give me "the signs", and did exhibit a degree of interest but basically changed her mind, which basically squashed my self-esteem completely

Thanks for reading, sorry for the length :/

Reply 1

vizor

In order to ensure you don't re-find your feelings for her I would suggest keeping busy right up until the start of university. You could do some reading for your course, meet up with friends, spend time with family.... Basically anything to ensure that your mind doesn't wander onto the subject of her.

An even better idea would be to find another girl who's brilliance makes you forget your crush.

Reply 2

The Bishman

Like the previous poster just said, I would agree that trying to find another girl is a good option. Even if your not sucsessful, chances are it would take some of those feelings off her a bit.

Reply 3

Yellowmarshmellow

See other people, keep yourself busy, stay away from her totally and don't allow yourself to think about her because that could bring your feelings back.

Reply 4

BlibBlob

I aksed myself the same question as you OP when my ex bf broke up with me. I found the best thing that worked for me was when we broke up for the summer, I didn't hear, see or speak to him for about 7 weeks. What also helped me was that he got a new gf very quickly after, and i found all those things helped me get over him aswell as clearing away some stuff from my room which reminded me off him: including deleting his moble number etc. I then felt ready to speak to him the other week, and text one of his mates asking for him mobile number. I text him, just asking how he was etc, and he text back a few hours later. I then spoke to him for the first time on the phone last week when we got our a-level results, and even though it was weird, everything was fine, and we spoke for a good 45 mins, and my feelings didn't come back at all. If you make sure your completely over her, then you'll find your feelings won't come back. Thats just my opinion anyway

Reply 5

asdasta

Cheers guys, that's what I thought, 5 weeks time hopefully I'll feel entirely healed.

Reply 6

notsoperfect

keep as busy as possible and occupy yourself with other friends.

i know that you can't cut her out of your life, but seeing her less WILL help.

i know that with my ex is all seemed impossible at first and like nothing was working. but looking back, i am so glad that i got out and did stuff and saw people. it was so hard getting over him and really only have yourself to rely on, which is a huge pressure, but it will happen. especially when you meet someone new :smile: