Guys thoughts on dating someone with a mental illness..
hey,
I was hoping to get a few guys perspectives here as i know the genders are very much differently wired when it comes to expressing emotions and feelings!
I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. Some days I struggle to do basic things and cry for no apparent reason. For someone with good mental health, depression is a hard thing to get your head round and its confusing unless you've actually experienced it yourself, i get that.
The problem is, I'm lonely. I live largely on my own and am very isolated (friends are away at uni and those that are home are very caught up in their own lives).
Ive been single for a while and want to be in a relationship and experience that connection with someone again. Right now i feel like no one on earth would want to put up with all my crap and that ill be alone effectively forever.
I wouldn't know how to tell someone about my problems and have them be okay with it?
Guys, if you were dating someone who was struggling with these issues, would it be a massive 'no-go run as far away as humanly possible' kind of deal? Or are there people out there who are patient and understanding enough to stay?
Opinions please lovely people xx
I was hoping to get a few guys perspectives here as i know the genders are very much differently wired when it comes to expressing emotions and feelings!
I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. Some days I struggle to do basic things and cry for no apparent reason. For someone with good mental health, depression is a hard thing to get your head round and its confusing unless you've actually experienced it yourself, i get that.
The problem is, I'm lonely. I live largely on my own and am very isolated (friends are away at uni and those that are home are very caught up in their own lives).
Ive been single for a while and want to be in a relationship and experience that connection with someone again. Right now i feel like no one on earth would want to put up with all my crap and that ill be alone effectively forever.
I wouldn't know how to tell someone about my problems and have them be okay with it?
Guys, if you were dating someone who was struggling with these issues, would it be a massive 'no-go run as far away as humanly possible' kind of deal? Or are there people out there who are patient and understanding enough to stay?
Opinions please lovely people xx
I suffer with anxiety and panic attack and my boyfriend is great! He completely understands if I'm struggling with something/ anything and would never pressure me into anything wether thats talking to a shop assistant or ordering food. I honestly think that there are guys out there who understand, you just need to find the considerate and maybe slightly mature ones 
good-luck!
good-luck!
I'm sure there's plenty of guys willing to date someone with mental health issues, really depending on their personality it could actually make them more attracted to you if that makes sense? It would give some guys the a sense of responsibility and the fact that someone is relying on them for support can make them feel better about themselves thus positively feed backing to you hopefully.
Mental health issues are prevalent now-a-days; in fact, you'd be hard-pressed to come across someone who hasn't experienced or is currently experiencing some level of mental health issue. I think it's worth keeping that in mind.
For me, personally, dating someone with mental health issues is generally not a concern of mine so long as they participate in activities or practice techniques in an effort to deal with them. I think there are certain issues/severity I would steer clear from not out of spite but through lack of understanding on how to deal with such problems, but all-in-all I'd like to think I'm quite open-minded on the idea.
Furthermore, and without going into too much detail, every girl I have dated has had a mental health issue or two. One opted not to seek help or refused to accept it, another took medication but she was quite bad and also felt it right to take it out on others. Another I briefly saw had anxiety. I myself suffer from depression and anxiety, but I take medication, have undergone therapy/counselling, and do my best to deal with it everyday (to the point where my hard work has significantly paid off).
TLDR: I'd like to think most people would be tolerate of mental health issues. We may live in a selfish society, but a lot of people still have a heart. Instead of seeing your condition has a curse, accept it as part of you and therefore accept yourself; that will invoke a sense of confidence and self-love, which attracts others.
For me, personally, dating someone with mental health issues is generally not a concern of mine so long as they participate in activities or practice techniques in an effort to deal with them. I think there are certain issues/severity I would steer clear from not out of spite but through lack of understanding on how to deal with such problems, but all-in-all I'd like to think I'm quite open-minded on the idea.
Furthermore, and without going into too much detail, every girl I have dated has had a mental health issue or two. One opted not to seek help or refused to accept it, another took medication but she was quite bad and also felt it right to take it out on others. Another I briefly saw had anxiety. I myself suffer from depression and anxiety, but I take medication, have undergone therapy/counselling, and do my best to deal with it everyday (to the point where my hard work has significantly paid off).
TLDR: I'd like to think most people would be tolerate of mental health issues. We may live in a selfish society, but a lot of people still have a heart. Instead of seeing your condition has a curse, accept it as part of you and therefore accept yourself; that will invoke a sense of confidence and self-love, which attracts others.
It depends on the more positive qualities.
If they are deeply insecure, anxious all the time, relying on me to validate them, only want to be in a relationship to fulfill their need for comfort because they're lonely, then no.
If they are deeply insecure, anxious all the time, relying on me to validate them, only want to be in a relationship to fulfill their need for comfort because they're lonely, then no.
I would prefer and opt not to (but yknow love doesnt really consider those things), purely because I dealt with a lot of emotional issues int he past and having someone else with those issues/emotional issues in general would be damaging for my mental health as well and it's not a commitment I'm willing to undertake. I am so **** at helping other people with emotions on top of that as well lmfao.
It really depends on the personaliyu of the guy and what they see in you.
For example they will weigh up all your plusses and put that against the negatives.
What they see as plusses and negatives will vary.
Its important to remember that people differ in this regard and that one persons capacity or willingness to cope or take on board will differ from someone elses. Just because someone isnt able to deal with it , doesnt mean there arent others out there who can and will be willing to get involved. Dont sell yourself short. You are only interested in the latter sort of person, so dont worry about the former.
Qualities in a person you might look for, compassion, maturity, patience, good communicator, caring, intelligence, selflessness. stable/unflappable, empathetic.
If you found someone like that, then they should have the patience to get to know you and if they like you, then the ability to stick with a relationship and be supportive, Hopefully they would be nurturing and help you gain confidence or the skills to deal with and then slowly break the depression and anxiety. Such people exists, so dont lose hope. Dont get put off if you keep finding ones that arent like that.
It helps if you maximise yourself in the other factors, so when it comes to seeing whats on offer you make the most of what you have.
The right person should be able to help you deal with all three of those. Hang in there.
Ps just to add I would keep the mentla helath issues to yourself at first till you get to know each other. Theres no reason you have to be in anyones face about it and they cna also jump to conclusions before they get to know you.
For example they will weigh up all your plusses and put that against the negatives.
What they see as plusses and negatives will vary.
Its important to remember that people differ in this regard and that one persons capacity or willingness to cope or take on board will differ from someone elses. Just because someone isnt able to deal with it , doesnt mean there arent others out there who can and will be willing to get involved. Dont sell yourself short. You are only interested in the latter sort of person, so dont worry about the former.
Qualities in a person you might look for, compassion, maturity, patience, good communicator, caring, intelligence, selflessness. stable/unflappable, empathetic.
If you found someone like that, then they should have the patience to get to know you and if they like you, then the ability to stick with a relationship and be supportive, Hopefully they would be nurturing and help you gain confidence or the skills to deal with and then slowly break the depression and anxiety. Such people exists, so dont lose hope. Dont get put off if you keep finding ones that arent like that.
It helps if you maximise yourself in the other factors, so when it comes to seeing whats on offer you make the most of what you have.
The right person should be able to help you deal with all three of those. Hang in there.
Ps just to add I would keep the mentla helath issues to yourself at first till you get to know each other. Theres no reason you have to be in anyones face about it and they cna also jump to conclusions before they get to know you.
(edited 7 years ago)
If someone can't handle a person with a couple mental health issues, they're in for a surprise.
Everyone's got some crazy **** in their head whether they acknowledge it or not.
Everyone's got some crazy **** in their head whether they acknowledge it or not.
Original post by DabThruALevels
If someone can't handle a person with a couple mental health issues, they're in for a surprise.
Everyone's got some crazy **** in their head whether they acknowledge it or not.
Everyone's got some crazy **** in their head whether they acknowledge it or not.
paranoid schizophrenia and being a little bit 'crazy' are not really comparable
Original post by hezzlington
paranoid schizophrenia and being a little bit 'crazy' are not really comparable
True true true, there's different levels of mental illnesses.
The more common ones though (depression, anxiety.. etc), we gotta be able to accept that people have these and it shouldn't be a major reason to not date someone. That's just my opinion of course, you dont have to agree with it
I would date someone with Mental Illnesses. And in all honesty, would prefer to do so.
Reason being is that I have Mental Illnesses myself (OCD, Anxiety and Depression) and I feel I'd be in a better position to understand what the other person is going through.
I realize my Mental Health is pretty poor currently and everyone says a relationship is a bad idea but hey ho.
But having two people in a relationship who both have Mental Illnesses has its Pros and Cons as usual.
Pros:
- Better understanding of what the other person is experiencing
- Higher knowledge of how to help them through it
- More likely to be able to help them
- Better at providing support
Pretty much it comes down to having a better understanding of what Mental Illnesses are truely like to live with. Something which can only be experienced if you actually have them, which I hope most of you don't!
Cons:
- Can be rather stressful
- Could actually hinder recovery
- May lead to bad things (E.g. If you're both struggling one night, it might not end well)
- Will be mentally exhausting for the other person (and seeing as they're most likely mentally exhausted already, that's gonna be tricky to deal with)
- The other person is suffering themselves so will need to focus on themselves, therefore meaning that they can't be with you (although can be beneficial too)
So overall it's down to personal preference on both sides. If you're both willing to enter a relationship, fully knowing what to expect, then it should be a good one!
Just make sure that the other person knows before you announce your desire to date them
Hope this helps
Reason being is that I have Mental Illnesses myself (OCD, Anxiety and Depression) and I feel I'd be in a better position to understand what the other person is going through.
I realize my Mental Health is pretty poor currently and everyone says a relationship is a bad idea but hey ho.
But having two people in a relationship who both have Mental Illnesses has its Pros and Cons as usual.
Pros:
- Better understanding of what the other person is experiencing
- Higher knowledge of how to help them through it
- More likely to be able to help them
- Better at providing support
Pretty much it comes down to having a better understanding of what Mental Illnesses are truely like to live with. Something which can only be experienced if you actually have them, which I hope most of you don't!
Cons:
- Can be rather stressful
- Could actually hinder recovery
- May lead to bad things (E.g. If you're both struggling one night, it might not end well)
- Will be mentally exhausting for the other person (and seeing as they're most likely mentally exhausted already, that's gonna be tricky to deal with)
- The other person is suffering themselves so will need to focus on themselves, therefore meaning that they can't be with you (although can be beneficial too)
So overall it's down to personal preference on both sides. If you're both willing to enter a relationship, fully knowing what to expect, then it should be a good one!
Just make sure that the other person knows before you announce your desire to date them
Hope this helps
Original post by FireFreezer77
I would date someone with Mental Illnesses. And in all honesty, would prefer to do so.
Reason being is that I have Mental Illnesses myself (OCD, Anxiety and Depression) and I feel I'd be in a better position to understand what the other person is going through.
I realize my Mental Health is pretty poor currently and everyone says a relationship is a bad idea but hey ho.
But having two people in a relationship who both have Mental Illnesses has its Pros and Cons as usual.
Pros:
- Better understanding of what the other person is experiencing
- Higher knowledge of how to help them through it
- More likely to be able to help them
- Better at providing support
Pretty much it comes down to having a better understanding of what Mental Illnesses are truely like to live with. Something which can only be experienced if you actually have them, which I hope most of you don't!
Cons:
- Can be rather stressful
- Could actually hinder recovery
- May lead to bad things (E.g. If you're both struggling one night, it might not end well)
- Will be mentally exhausting for the other person (and seeing as they're most likely mentally exhausted already, that's gonna be tricky to deal with)
- The other person is suffering themselves so will need to focus on themselves, therefore meaning that they can't be with you (although can be beneficial too)
So overall it's down to personal preference on both sides. If you're both willing to enter a relationship, fully knowing what to expect, then it should be a good one!
Just make sure that the other person knows before you announce your desire to date them
Hope this helps
Reason being is that I have Mental Illnesses myself (OCD, Anxiety and Depression) and I feel I'd be in a better position to understand what the other person is going through.
I realize my Mental Health is pretty poor currently and everyone says a relationship is a bad idea but hey ho.
But having two people in a relationship who both have Mental Illnesses has its Pros and Cons as usual.
Pros:
- Better understanding of what the other person is experiencing
- Higher knowledge of how to help them through it
- More likely to be able to help them
- Better at providing support
Pretty much it comes down to having a better understanding of what Mental Illnesses are truely like to live with. Something which can only be experienced if you actually have them, which I hope most of you don't!
Cons:
- Can be rather stressful
- Could actually hinder recovery
- May lead to bad things (E.g. If you're both struggling one night, it might not end well)
- Will be mentally exhausting for the other person (and seeing as they're most likely mentally exhausted already, that's gonna be tricky to deal with)
- The other person is suffering themselves so will need to focus on themselves, therefore meaning that they can't be with you (although can be beneficial too)
So overall it's down to personal preference on both sides. If you're both willing to enter a relationship, fully knowing what to expect, then it should be a good one!
Just make sure that the other person knows before you announce your desire to date them
Hope this helps
Can't rep you, but good post, well balanced
Original post by hezzlington
Can't rep you, but good post, well balanced
Thanks
Original post by hezzlington
Can't rep you, but good post, well balanced
I did it, but not because you said, but because I too agree
?? I didn't tell anybody to rep him
And okay...?
And okay...?
Original post by hezzlington
?? I didn't tell anybody to rep him
And okay...?
And okay...?
Lol you are right. I know you didn't say that. Dw it's my stupid wording.
But I thought you'd like to know he was getting repped for such a balanced reply.
I think that some people with mental illnesses aren't in the right place to be in a relationship. There's a reason relationships are out of bounds for a period of time in many recovery programmes.
I have a long list of diagnoses and there was a time where I just wasn't capable of being in a relationship. I was too unstable. Not towards partner but just so uncaring towards myself and I couldn't let anyone near me in case they hurt me..I was really rejecting.
I don't think there's anything wrong with someone saying they couldn't be in a relationship with someone who is unstable. The times my current partner has to become my cater when I become unstable are really tough. If I wasn't even trying to recover and heal then I know he couldn't do it. I couldn't ask anyone to live on egg shells for the rest of their life waiting for me to finally commit SU or worry about me acting out and meeting strangers from the internet etc etc. He is amazing. I don't know many men that would stick around even though I can't always control my dissociative parts. I switch a lot at the mkment become very childlike or very destructive. He needs a lot of inner strength.
But I also work my butt off. I go to therapy, I take meds. I do a lot of self care and self discovery because of my job in mental health. I'm largely stable but I do have patches.
I have a long list of diagnoses and there was a time where I just wasn't capable of being in a relationship. I was too unstable. Not towards partner but just so uncaring towards myself and I couldn't let anyone near me in case they hurt me..I was really rejecting.
I don't think there's anything wrong with someone saying they couldn't be in a relationship with someone who is unstable. The times my current partner has to become my cater when I become unstable are really tough. If I wasn't even trying to recover and heal then I know he couldn't do it. I couldn't ask anyone to live on egg shells for the rest of their life waiting for me to finally commit SU or worry about me acting out and meeting strangers from the internet etc etc. He is amazing. I don't know many men that would stick around even though I can't always control my dissociative parts. I switch a lot at the mkment become very childlike or very destructive. He needs a lot of inner strength.
But I also work my butt off. I go to therapy, I take meds. I do a lot of self care and self discovery because of my job in mental health. I'm largely stable but I do have patches.
Original post by DabThruALevels
True true true, there's different levels of mental illnesses.
The more common ones though (depression, anxiety.. etc), we gotta be able to accept that people have these and it shouldn't be a major reason to not date someone. That's just my opinion of course, you dont have to agree with it
The more common ones though (depression, anxiety.. etc), we gotta be able to accept that people have these and it shouldn't be a major reason to not date someone. That's just my opinion of course, you dont have to agree with it
It depends to what degree a person has them. All things being equal, then you are going to want to date someone without them imo.
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