This girl keeps trying to get back at me/pick at my insecurities! What to do?

This girl is really nice to me most the time. She talks to me, hugs me even sometimes.

However the odd time she makes a sneaky comment or something that picks at my insecurities. It knocks my confidence and makes me insecure. Sometimes I obsess about whether it's true or not. I don't say anything about it, I just let it go, pretend it doesn't affect me.

However then she's nice to me after that, and I forgive her. I don't like blowing off a friend for one bad comment when most of the time she's been really friendly to me. But the pattern keeps happening again and again, she keeps doing it. Sometimes I wonder why I'm friends with her, I don't need someone undermining me like that and I have plenty of other friends who don't.

I've wondered if she does it on purpose or not, it just happens too frequently. I don't understand why she's suddenly insensitive and makes comments like that. Thought maybe because she's a girl and I'm a guy maybe we think differently so she doesn't realise she's hurting me. But she seems too clever and aware for this to be true. And I don't think she'd dare to say this stuff to other friends. In fact none of my other friends ever make comments like this to me.

What should I do/Thoughts? :smile:

Reply 1

Amefish

Original post by RobotEconomics

...

She probably thinks it's "just banter" and that it's not offending you. The best thing you can do is talk to her about it and explain that it gets you down. She'll probably be a lot more careful with the comments she makes in the future and she'll be mindful of your feelings :smile:

Reply 2

RobotEconomics

Original post by Amefish

She doesn't really say them in a jokey way tbh. It's all very serious. I want to talk about it, but don't want to look weak and don't really want to give her the satisfaction that she hurt me if she intended to. It's really irritating as those comments tend to stick in my head for ages when all I want to do is forget about it.

Reply 3

Amefish

Original post by RobotEconomics

I've seen it happen to people and often it was never their intention to hurt them. If she's a decent person, she'll be more conscious of your feelings once you've told her. If she's not, why are you her friend anyway?

Reply 4

username1339858_

Honestly? I wouldn't be able to be friends with some who made me feel insecure

Reply 5

TheProphetsPath

Either turn it into a roast session where you go hard on her as a joke too like she does if she is that kinda person
Or the better option is to tell her not to say them things, like you don't have to be all squishy when explaining how it hurts ur feelings just be stern and tell her not to do it because you don't like it

Reply 6

RobotEconomics

Original post by Amefish

Even if I talk about it the damage is done, the last comment she said especially it's just stuck in my head now, dunno how to get rid of it. I like to think I'm pretty confident, but that last comment has really undermined it. I think she is a decent person, she's done a lot for me (and I've done stuff for her). I just dunno what to do.

Reply 7

RobotEconomics

I can't even look at her lately without thinking of the last comment she said. Makes me really mad. Wish I didn't feel that way, as we were/are really good friends.

Reply 8

RobotEconomics

Original post by TheProphetsPath

She's pretty insecure. I imagine if I even said 1/10 of the meanness of the comments she said to me back, she'd get really hurt. I think part of the reason she thinks she can get away with this is because she's made me out as someone who's supremely confident or with no insecurities. Putting on a face and being confident takes work. One nasty comment that's got into your head can very much undermine that which is what's happening now. I don't want to appear squishy as if I'm weak, but then if I appear stern, then it might deteriorate the relationship even more, no one likes being told off. Plus it doesn't get rid of the comments, she can't take them back. They're already stuck in my head. So I dunno the point. Best case scenario would be if I could just take a pill to forget about them lol but don't think that's possible.