being stood up all the time (online)

I'm in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. He has very poor internet where he is currently, sometimes I don't get to speak to him for 3 days at a time and I feel envious of others who get to speak to their partners all the time. We make plans to Skype often at a certain time, but 90% of the time we end up not Skyping, I can't even ask him why because my messages/calls don't even go through to him. About 6-7x now I've gone all out and put on full makeup, done my hair all nice which takes me like an hour, for us to not Skype at all and I just take it all off and feel sad.

I tell him it doesn't matter because I know he can't help the internet connection, but I feel like crap when I can barely text him, or if he says we'll call 100% tomorrow, I know we probably won't. He's a great person but in a long distance relationship, communication is important and we don't even have communication. Should I just be grateful for what little contact we do have, am I being unreasonable?

Well if he has poor internet then there is nothing he can do about it. Question is are you willing to carry on like this.

Yeah that's why I don't bring this up with him, I know he has really bad internet, sometimes we'll be on the phone and we can barely make out what the other is saying, and it'll just cut out. I could probably carry on like this, but I'll probably just end up distancing myself from him as much as I don't want to, because I hate being let down constantly.

How far apart are you both?

Different countries

Yeah can see it is very hard without a good working internet, is there any likelihood you will see each other soon?

I'm in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. He has very poor internet where he is currently, sometimes I don't get to speak to him for 3 days at a time and I feel envious of others who get to speak to their partners all the time. We make plans to Skype often at a certain time, but 90% of the time we end up not Skyping, I can't even ask him why because my messages/calls don't even go through to him. About 6-7x now I've gone all out and put on full makeup, done my hair all nice which takes me like an hour, for us to not Skype at all and I just take it all off and feel sad.

I tell him it doesn't matter because I know he can't help the internet connection, but I feel like crap when I can barely text him, or if he says we'll call 100% tomorrow, I know we probably won't. He's a great person but in a long distance relationship, communication is important and we don't even have communication. Should I just be grateful for what little contact we do have, am I being unreasonable?

When you say long distance , then what are we talking about? Different countries (which ones) or UK? I see you said countries.

What stage are you both at, school, uni, older?

You are not being unreasonable at all to feel sad and frustrated about it. The thing is are you sure it is poor internet and he is making an effort?

By long distance, I mean different countries and we are both at university. I do believe it is poor internet because often even during our phone call, I can barely make out what he is saying and have to constantly ask him to repeat it because the connection is so poor. He apologises too, and I say nothing negative because it might be as frustrating for him as it is for me. Usually, I am the first to speak to him to ask him how he is etc, but he always replies instantly when he can and calls me, so he does put in the effort really.

How many miles?

I am of the understanding that you trust him and that its down to poor internet, nothing else.

That you only have 5 months to survive.


In that case you have a fallback plan (besideds being patient.

1. You buy international calling cards and talk over the phone every other day or once a week for a reasonable amount of time i.e 1-2 hours. When the internet wont work then you switch to phone. If you dont ahve much money, then you cna keep the call short 15 minutes, but it takes the dge off the disappointment.

http://www.lebara.co.uk/

2. You both get used to writing e-mail. People did long distance long before the internet existed.

5 months isnt long, try not to fret. If you trust each other then you cna be fine, just be patient.

In terms of location, we are talking England and Greece. Yes I do trust him because so far he hasn't given me any reason to not trust him. Usually, we rely on whatsapp calling and video calling because we are students, and whatsapp is free for us, but thank you I will take the international calling card into consideration. Thank you so much for your response. I suppose I don't really have it too bad, I feel a lot better now.

In terms of location, we are talking England and Greece. Yes I do trust him because so far he hasn't given me any reason to not trust him. Usually, we rely on whatsapp calling and video calling because we are students, and whatsapp is free for us, but thank you I will take the international calling card into consideration. Thank you so much for your response. I suppose I don't really have it too bad, I feel a lot better now.

Trusting is the way to go and not stressing too much. he shouldn know what you look like without make up, its nice you make an effort, but you shouldnt have to. Yes I understand about skype and whats happ being free, but they are internet dependent. the other alternative is he simply finds his local reliable internet cafe, then he warns you that he is relocating and contacts you a few hours later. That is making ab effort.

There is a level where not doing either of those 3 things becomes laziness and making an excuse. Its 5 months, really you cna ride that out easily and if you talk and agree on a plan , it will be easier and if he follows it even easier still.

Wow, I'm surprised you can trust a guy that lives that far away and doesn't communicate with you much. I honestly wouldn't be able to, probably because I got cheated on after my boyfriend went long distance, and that was in the same country. I mean it's hard when you aren't physically with each other as temptations are so much in university. I mean in the end I wasn't that surprised that he cheated seeing as he told me he went on two nights out a week when he moved to university.

I hope it all goes well for you in the end, and I can understand why you are frustrated. Was this a long term relationship before he moved to Greece? I guess if there is previous strong chemistry there, then it will be ok in the end.

Yes you're right. In fact the first few times we met, I wasn't even wearing makeup and my hair wasn't particularly great either because it was really hot! I however know that I probably look nicer when I put makeup on and do my hair all nicely, and I like to do that for him. It did occur to me that he could find a nearby public place that is a wifi hotspot, any internet cafe etc, but I didn't want to come across pushy or needy, I wanted to be understanding and not much of a hassle so I kept my mouth shut and tried to deal with it myself.

I was first very apprehensive about continuing our relationship long distance, but he managed to convince me by saying we'd be okay, we wouldn't get tired, he loves me and is prepared to wait however long we need to and do whatever he needs to, so I decided to go for it because I really liked him too. Thank you again.

It would be nice if instead of him saying you wont get tired he does a stock check to see how you are finding it. Perhaps he doesnt appreciate ghow difficcult you find it? Asking is nice and you being comfy enough to tell him is better. Theres a sense where you can go through a challenge and use it to increase the bond between you and theres also the tupe where its just words. If its tough tell him its tough and ask him to keep you informed if he can and also consider other forms of communication so you touch base at least every week, even if its just a 10min phone call or an e-mail.

It would be nice from your [erspective to see some effort imo. Up to you though.

Yeah exactly, I agree. I mean I do sometimes text him things like 'where were you? I was wondering where you were' and tell him I feel really sad if he just doesn't contact me for a few days, he'll just say it's the internet as usual so I tend to just leave it there and move on. I've also told him that I do miss him a lot if he just doesn't message for days, he says he misses me too, and the internet is just terrible where he is, so he does have a rough idea of how I feel about it.

I have noticed I always have to initiate conversations with him though, even when he does have internet, he just won't say anything to me all day until night time, unless I say hello first, then he'll reply so ridiculously quickly to my messages, it's like he was waiting for me. I'll ask if I can call him in a few hours, and he'll say 'no can you call me now, I haven't spoken to you in forever' ..but then why does he just wait around for me to talk first.

Thank you very much. It wasn't really long term, we had been together about 4 months before he left. I suppose I did have my reservations in the beginning, not so much that I thought he would cheat on me, it was more if he could keep up with the level of commitment it would take to maintain a long distance relationship with me, he said he would but obviously actions speak louder than words do.

I kept my guard up with him in the beginning and sometimes I still do, I'm not as affectionate as I should be because if I get too attached, things like not being able to speak to him hurt a lot more. I have trust issues myself from a previous relationship, he was a liar and extremely insecure which is why I do often keep my guard up.