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What to think...

I'm not sure why I'm posting really... I think I just need to write this, and maybe seek some reassurance.

My girlfriend got in touch with an old friend on facebook recently - her first boyfriend in fact, from years ago. Anyhow, I knew about that, and didn't think anything of it, but then I discovered more recently that she'd been emailing and texting him. I asked her about it, and at first she denied it, but then said she had been, but she had kept it a secret because she was worried what I might think. She reassured me there was nothing to it. Over the next week or so she showed me the odd text that went between them - all very innocent.

Anyway, this weekend he invited her to go to a horse show with him - they were both into horses... still are. She has driven several hundred miles to go and stay, apparently with a female friend nearby, so that she can attend this event. She assured me before she left that it was all about the event, and not this guy, but I can't help but feel nervous.

A few times before she went, she said things like "If you say don't go, then I won't", but I didn't feel like it was my place to tell her what to do.

Now she's gone. I don't know the person she's apparently staying with. All I have is intermittent contact with her by text. And it's left me feeling sick inside.

What to do?

Reply 1

Insanespana

1

Well if you trust her, and this is really when you find out if you truly do, then it shouldn't matter.
Saying that it does sound a little worrying, but then I'm a worrier and can be rather jealous.
You did the right thing about letting her go, otherwise she would have held it against you the fact that you're controlling her etc etc... never a good thing.

I think it probably is an innocent thing, and getting over protective and jealous never helps anything, so just show that you trust her and try to not think about it....

Reply 2

prettygreeneyes99

9

Hmm, well it does sound a little 'off' because the same sort of thing happened to me, except I was the one who was speaking to the ex boyfriend I hadnt spoken to for years... personally, when I was chatting to my ex over myspace, I wouldnt have actually taken it as far as giving him my number and actually meeting etc... but just see how things go when she gets back, if she carries on texting alot and you dont feel comfortable about it then tell her, alot of people wouldnt feel comfortable if their other half had regular contact with their ex.

Reply 3

prettygreeneyes99

9

oh and by the way I think you did the right thing in letting her go, after all it could just be perfectly innocent :smile:

Reply 4

khil

15

If you can't stand her hanging out with her ex, you should tell her now before her friendship deepens, cus by the time they're good friends it's gonna be harder for her to cut contact, as it always is with good friends.

On the other hand, if you trust her, then do exactly that and trust her. She sounds like she's devoted to you.

I'm in contact with my ex and I'm devoted to my boyfriend. The two can go together :smile:

Reply 5

studentteach

OP

Sadly my fears were proven correct :frown:

She has left me, and moved to be with him. She has quit her job. She just upped and went. Worse, just days ago she was saying that she felt like I didn't trust her. Why would she do that? :mad:

Reply 6

*Katie*

1

studentteach

Sadly my fears were proven correct :frown:

She has left me, and moved to be with him. She has quit her job. She just upped and went.

Really? I did not see that one coming! How old are you, OP? And how long had you been together? And :hugs:

.

studentteach

Worse, just days ago she was saying that she felt like I didn't trust her. Why would she do that? :mad:

What a bitch. How did you find out? Did she even have the balls to tell you to your face?

Reply 7

prettygreeneyes99

9

You're much better off without someone like that, she'll probably do it her ex as soon as another guy she likes comes along!
Mind you, looking back on your post now, the main bit that sounded like she was up to something dodgy is this.. 'I asked her about it, and at first she denied it'.. she obviously had something to hide if she didnt admit to it straight away! Plus, how harsh saying she didnt feel like you trusted her! My ex used to say things like that to me, and he was cheating pretty much through the whole of our relationship.
Grrr people like this make me so mad, should all be sent to china or get the slapping round the face with a kipper treatment :mad:

Reply 8

ATPB

The only thing I can add is that you still did the right thing in 'allowing' her to go. Assuming that you'd still be together if she hadn't went, would you really want to be, if you knew that she'd be willing to do that?

Good luck.

Reply 9

Riim

You're worth better. Much better.

Reply 10

Profesh

20

Agen

The only thing I can add is that you still did the right thing in 'allowing' her to go. Assuming that you'd still be together if she hadn't went, would you really want to be, if you knew that she'd be willing to do that?

Good luck.

Quite. I, for one, like to be able to think that someone is with me precisely because they've a choice in the matter.

Reply 11

em1n3m

Don't take it too hard man, we can't change how people are! Just be happy that you found out her real nature now, rather than later! I personally would never want to be with someone unless it was in their full choice to be with me.

Reply 12

DodgyTrousers

7

I'll add my echo here too.

You did the right thing. If she was that tempted this time, it would have happened eventually anyway, and you just saved yourself some future pain.

It's like the old adage goes : "If you love something, set it free. If it returns, then it's yours"

Reply 13

suicidal_dream

1

i was just going to post that at least if you let her go, you'll know either way...

at least now you know.
if she decides to come back, don't let her.

As hard is it is, you're better off without her if she can drop someone just like that!

Reply 14

studentteach

OP

Thank you all. I know you are right. I do wonder though, if I had stopped her from going, whether that would have forced her hand, rather than letting it carry on for another 3 weeks :redface:

(
What can you do, though, eh?

Pick yourself up, dust yourself down...

What to think...

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