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Help: Say nothing as it is easier, or say something because it is wrong?
Dear all.
Had something on my mind for a while, regarding a 'friend' and thought I would see what you all think.
Like other students who are due to start University this year, I got my self onto Facebook and joined a group my University 'freshers-group.' I've found a few fantastic, interesting and generally nice people who I will be studying along side from October onwards; however, I have also found one particular girl who is 'doing my nut in.'
What would you do, if you enjoyed 'indie' music (as I do), told a prospective freind this and they replied: "I don't like the indie indie scene as you do because it is full of commoners."
This girl is so arrogant and aloof it is disgusting. I always thought University was supposed to be time of general open-mindedness, a willingness to learn and an 'easy going' attitude towards everything and everyone. She constantly talks about how privileged her life has been (not that I have asked), the many dinner parties she holds and how abhorred popular literature such as Harry Potter is and how it de-grades the 'real literature' such as Homers Odyssey.
I've tried talking to her before, however, unlike most of the other people I've found on Facebook and else where, she makes it incredbily awkward. She uses unnecessarily long, archaic [and usually mis-spelled words] to get simple points across. It seems as if, to me and the other students who know her, she is trying to make everyone else feel inadequate by a constant disaply of her supposed 'intelectual grandure' and social uprightness.
I know alot of people find it easier to say nothing rather, than voicing an opinion in situations like this, but I find it very hard! She is such a snob and I want to say something, to make her aware of how awakard she makes everyone else feel with her constant put-downs and examples of 'acamdemic exellence' but should I really take a stand?
Thank you.
Had something on my mind for a while, regarding a 'friend' and thought I would see what you all think.
Like other students who are due to start University this year, I got my self onto Facebook and joined a group my University 'freshers-group.' I've found a few fantastic, interesting and generally nice people who I will be studying along side from October onwards; however, I have also found one particular girl who is 'doing my nut in.'
What would you do, if you enjoyed 'indie' music (as I do), told a prospective freind this and they replied: "I don't like the indie indie scene as you do because it is full of commoners."
This girl is so arrogant and aloof it is disgusting. I always thought University was supposed to be time of general open-mindedness, a willingness to learn and an 'easy going' attitude towards everything and everyone. She constantly talks about how privileged her life has been (not that I have asked), the many dinner parties she holds and how abhorred popular literature such as Harry Potter is and how it de-grades the 'real literature' such as Homers Odyssey.
I've tried talking to her before, however, unlike most of the other people I've found on Facebook and else where, she makes it incredbily awkward. She uses unnecessarily long, archaic [and usually mis-spelled words] to get simple points across. It seems as if, to me and the other students who know her, she is trying to make everyone else feel inadequate by a constant disaply of her supposed 'intelectual grandure' and social uprightness.
I know alot of people find it easier to say nothing rather, than voicing an opinion in situations like this, but I find it very hard! She is such a snob and I want to say something, to make her aware of how awakard she makes everyone else feel with her constant put-downs and examples of 'acamdemic exellence' but should I really take a stand?
Thank you.
Reply 1
15
No, you should never try to argue down an ignorant fool.
Reply 2
Have any other members mentioned her behaviour? Unfortunately there's always going to be the odd **** at university. If she's annoying you so much she's probably annoying others as well. Just feel sorry for her that she's that insecure she has to try and act more superior to make herself feel better and move on 
Reply 3
I believe you should speak up about it. Its an act of kindness... and it'd certainly benefit you.
Course there is no point arguing with it onto a heated level. Just inform her about it and leave it at that.
Course there is no point arguing with it onto a heated level. Just inform her about it and leave it at that.
Reply 4
I wouldnt say anything.Chances are other people are feeling exactly the same as you.I would wait and see if any of them are brave enough to say anything.
Probably better not to though,just in case it means getting on the wrong side of anyone before uni starts.
As another poster said,its probably insecurity.And as they always say,anyone can be ANYONE on the internet.I could act all intellectual and use posh words on the internet,and be totally arrogant on the internet,but when we met,I could be a normal,Harry Potter loving,commoner..!
Probably better not to though,just in case it means getting on the wrong side of anyone before uni starts.
As another poster said,its probably insecurity.And as they always say,anyone can be ANYONE on the internet.I could act all intellectual and use posh words on the internet,and be totally arrogant on the internet,but when we met,I could be a normal,Harry Potter loving,commoner..!
Reply 5
It's a hard situation to be in, but I wouldn't say anything just at the moment.
It sounds like this girl will have a lot to learn when she gets to uni - if she keeps saying things like this, she's going to make it hard to make friends.
Via things like facebook and the internet generally, it's hard to make a point like this, because it requires body language and tone of voice, rather than just the words.
If after a few days at uni, you notice she's still doing it, take her aside and have a word (be as polite as you can be). She probably doesn't realise what she's doing since she may be used to being around people who say and do similar things, so uni will be a real shock. And she may not even mean to make everyone uncomfortable.
Unfortunately, it's easy to take things the wrong way when you can only see words, and not hear the tone it's being said in, so facebook may not be so good for saying things as face-to-face is.
Hope that helps.
And have a great time at uni!
It sounds like this girl will have a lot to learn when she gets to uni - if she keeps saying things like this, she's going to make it hard to make friends.
Via things like facebook and the internet generally, it's hard to make a point like this, because it requires body language and tone of voice, rather than just the words.
If after a few days at uni, you notice she's still doing it, take her aside and have a word (be as polite as you can be). She probably doesn't realise what she's doing since she may be used to being around people who say and do similar things, so uni will be a real shock. And she may not even mean to make everyone uncomfortable.
Unfortunately, it's easy to take things the wrong way when you can only see words, and not hear the tone it's being said in, so facebook may not be so good for saying things as face-to-face is.
Hope that helps.
And have a great time at uni!
Reply 6
Have you even met her yet or is this all on facebook?! I don't think you have anything to take a stand against, you simply disagree with her. Just don't hang around with her when you start uni if you're that worried... or wait until you see what she's like in real life, she might be totally different. I think you're making an issue out of nothing!
Reply 7
Oh and is she on the same course as you? If not then you will probably never bump into her so its not really anything to worry about!
Reply 8
DonneJohn
Dear all.
Had something on my mind for a while, regarding a 'friend' and thought I would see what you all think.
Like other students who are due to start University this year, I got my self onto Facebook and joined a group my University 'freshers-group.' I've found a few fantastic, interesting and generally nice people who I will be studying along side from October onwards; however, I have also found one particular girl who is 'doing my nut in.'
What would you do, if you enjoyed 'indie' music (as I do), told a prospective freind this and they replied: "I don't like the indie indie scene as you do because it is full of commoners."
This girl is so arrogant and aloof it is disgusting. I always thought University was supposed to be time of general open-mindedness, a willingness to learn and an 'easy going' attitude towards everything and everyone. She constantly talks about how privileged her life has been (not that I have asked), the many dinner parties she holds and how abhorred popular literature such as Harry Potter is and how it de-grades the 'real literature' such as Homers Odyssey.
I've tried talking to her before, however, unlike most of the other people I've found on Facebook and else where, she makes it incredbily awkward. She uses unnecessarily long, archaic [and usually mis-spelled words] to get simple points across. It seems as if, to me and the other students who know her, she is trying to make everyone else feel inadequate by a constant disaply of her supposed 'intelectual grandure' and social uprightness.
I know alot of people find it easier to say nothing rather, than voicing an opinion in situations like this, but I find it very hard! She is such a snob and I want to say something, to make her aware of how awakard she makes everyone else feel with her constant put-downs and examples of 'acamdemic exellence' but should I really take a stand?
Thank you.
Had something on my mind for a while, regarding a 'friend' and thought I would see what you all think.
Like other students who are due to start University this year, I got my self onto Facebook and joined a group my University 'freshers-group.' I've found a few fantastic, interesting and generally nice people who I will be studying along side from October onwards; however, I have also found one particular girl who is 'doing my nut in.'
What would you do, if you enjoyed 'indie' music (as I do), told a prospective freind this and they replied: "I don't like the indie indie scene as you do because it is full of commoners."
This girl is so arrogant and aloof it is disgusting. I always thought University was supposed to be time of general open-mindedness, a willingness to learn and an 'easy going' attitude towards everything and everyone. She constantly talks about how privileged her life has been (not that I have asked), the many dinner parties she holds and how abhorred popular literature such as Harry Potter is and how it de-grades the 'real literature' such as Homers Odyssey.
I've tried talking to her before, however, unlike most of the other people I've found on Facebook and else where, she makes it incredbily awkward. She uses unnecessarily long, archaic [and usually mis-spelled words] to get simple points across. It seems as if, to me and the other students who know her, she is trying to make everyone else feel inadequate by a constant disaply of her supposed 'intelectual grandure' and social uprightness.
I know alot of people find it easier to say nothing rather, than voicing an opinion in situations like this, but I find it very hard! She is such a snob and I want to say something, to make her aware of how awakard she makes everyone else feel with her constant put-downs and examples of 'acamdemic exellence' but should I really take a stand?
Thank you.
Is she attractive (aesthetically)?
Reply 9
OMG, i would be so taking the piss out of her right now if i was you (although i wouldn't avise it, its just what i'd probably do) because i hate snobs. Just the idea of some thinking they're better than you (and voicing it) because they went to a private school or/and are rich makes me laugh so much. I feel sorry for people like this. And to let them know i dont care about their money or education (whatever reason they're using to make themselve appear better than others) i take the piss out of them. Brings them back down to reality in some cases.
But until you meet her i'd suggest you dont offend her (best to be safe than sorry). Just tell her how she's making other people feel uncomfortable, and if she doesn't change i guess its up to you what to do. Personally i wouldn't stand for it if she was putting other people down, even more-so if she tried putting me down.
But until you meet her i'd suggest you dont offend her (best to be safe than sorry). Just tell her how she's making other people feel uncomfortable, and if she doesn't change i guess its up to you what to do. Personally i wouldn't stand for it if she was putting other people down, even more-so if she tried putting me down.
Reply 10
11
Don't engage in a battle of wits with someone who's not armed lol 
Just leave it be, you're not even at uni yet and chances are that when you all get there she'll either settle down and stop being so rude or she'll find a group of people who are all like that and you'll end up having very little to do with her anyway. I wouldn't say anything yet as you don't know how she'll take it and you don't really know who else she's talking to - your 'act of kindness' could end up backfiring and you could get yourself a totally undeserved reputation with your Facebook friends before you've even got to uni. Just ignore her as far as possible and, like I said, chances are you won't have much to do with her at uni.
Also remember that it's hard to get nuances over the internet, especially on these messaging sites - you might be reading it as arrogance and rudeness but it could be an attempt to impress or be funny that's not translating very well, and you might find the real person isn't that bad. Either way, it'll be much easier to just quietly drop her after Fresher's Week than risk causing a ruction before you even get to uni.
Just leave it be, you're not even at uni yet and chances are that when you all get there she'll either settle down and stop being so rude or she'll find a group of people who are all like that and you'll end up having very little to do with her anyway. I wouldn't say anything yet as you don't know how she'll take it and you don't really know who else she's talking to - your 'act of kindness' could end up backfiring and you could get yourself a totally undeserved reputation with your Facebook friends before you've even got to uni. Just ignore her as far as possible and, like I said, chances are you won't have much to do with her at uni.Also remember that it's hard to get nuances over the internet, especially on these messaging sites - you might be reading it as arrogance and rudeness but it could be an attempt to impress or be funny that's not translating very well, and you might find the real person isn't that bad. Either way, it'll be much easier to just quietly drop her after Fresher's Week than risk causing a ruction before you even get to uni.
Reply 11
Don't say anything, you'll look like an idiot. You don't need to be friends with her at uni, you'll probably never meet her so what do you care? Just stop talking to her and carry on with the people you do get on with, isn't that how life works, spending more time with people you like and less with people you don't? Just live and let live, she'll soon realise her mistake when she has no friends.
Reply 12
Thanks everyone whos posted so far everyone seems on wave length, although I disagree with Poppy, not that I think what you say is necessarily wrong. I've heard people say 'live and let live' about alot of people in alot of situations, but if everyone ignored things they thought were wrong and didn't voice a different point of view, surely the world would become a worse place as a result.
Reply 13
You probably won't even see her at uni!
Reply 14
I wouldn't say anything yet, you could be living next to them.
In reality, you're likely never to speak to most of those people again, unless you can't find other people on your course when you get there who live near you or are in the same classes/seminars as you. So ignore it for now.
It's likely someone will tell her themself next year. Someone who lives with her. She may also tone it down once at uni. She isnt there, so perhaps isnt that open-minded just yet!
If you do end up being with her, I'm sure she'll run out of such tales after a week or two. Or you can simply ignore them and talk about other things, and she'll get the hint.
In reality, you're likely never to speak to most of those people again, unless you can't find other people on your course when you get there who live near you or are in the same classes/seminars as you. So ignore it for now.
It's likely someone will tell her themself next year. Someone who lives with her. She may also tone it down once at uni. She isnt there, so perhaps isnt that open-minded just yet!
If you do end up being with her, I'm sure she'll run out of such tales after a week or two. Or you can simply ignore them and talk about other things, and she'll get the hint.
Reply 15
You've got to decide where you stand on such things. You're right, saying nothing is the safest choice - it offends noone and effects no change. Criticising her, although ideally would 'put her in her place', is not guaranteed to do anything to her (since you don't know how she'll react). Instead, you need to consider what criticising her would do to you.
If it were me, I would offer her a sharp, precise and intelligent criticism which would serve to insult her and to quench my outrage. I would then stop there, and not respond to any responses in order to avoid escalation.
You've got to decide what you're willing to live with. I certainly am not one to entertain fools - if their stupidity goes beyond what I can tolerate, I make them aware of my intolerance.
If it were me, I would offer her a sharp, precise and intelligent criticism which would serve to insult her and to quench my outrage. I would then stop there, and not respond to any responses in order to avoid escalation.
You've got to decide what you're willing to live with. I certainly am not one to entertain fools - if their stupidity goes beyond what I can tolerate, I make them aware of my intolerance.
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