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A late night revelation watch

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    Hey,

    Ok...here goes. Last night i was out with some friends for a birthday gathering. It was mostly enjoyable and got slightly "merry" :p:

    As the night progressed i ended doing some things i am not proud of. At the time, it just felt good to be doing something different and i was "not me"...if that makes sense?

    When i got home, it hit me, i am not happy at all. Amongst my friends i'm known as the guy "with his head screwed on". I'm always there for my friends and would do anything for them. I've always been so sure of my future plans (in terms of career etc). At Uni i'm on 2 society boards and my grades have been good. On the face of it, my life would seem alright.

    However, my life over the last 5 years has been one massive internal battle which only others have recently found out about. For years i could not deal with being gay (as daft as it may sound to some). My upbringing, where i went to school and peers meant i had to keep things secret for a long long time. Over the last year i have dealt with it. I've came out to everyone that needs to know and i'm slowly beginning to pick up the pieces-making any gay friends is still hard, as most gay guys i know conform to the stereotypes that i really can't subscribe to. But i fear certain things from that time are not diminishing and it's leaving a bad effect on me.

    I hate where i live. My uni is only 20 mins away so there isn't any point in moving out. I just hate my life just now because anything i seem to do backfires and i can't be bothered anymore. I suppose i'm posting this looking for advice because i can't bear this to my friends!.

    Thanks, and sorry for the length of the post!
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    If you're not overtly gay and it's not a huge part of your personality, then just push it aside and carry on with your life. A fair proportion of gay guys do conform to the usual stereotypes, so you'll just have to wait to find Mr. Right And as for the stereotype itself, my theory is that it only exists because straight guys wouldn't do any of the stereotypically gay things because they wouldn't want their sexuality to be questioned, whereas gay guys don't care about having their sexuality questioned, so they do whatever they want. If homosexuality wasn't stigmatized in society at all, you can bet there'd be a lot more ABBA fans around At least that's my two cents - homosexuality gives more personal freedom.
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    All the best to you OP, you'll be alright (:
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    what did you do?....drugs.....gay sex?
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    You sound quite isolated from the sounds of your post and I know the closet is a very lonely place. You sound like you want gay friends but the ones you've seen don't really appeal to you. Where are you meeting gay people? At your uni there should be a LGBT group. There will be friendly, like minded people there and I just know that you will feel much better about yourself (there are some things that you don't feel comfortable talking about with straight people). Whatever you do, don't go making friends in gay bars or clubs. Often the music is too overpowering, the atmosphere can be intimidating and it requires an extroverted, confident character to make friends there.
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    (Original post by HeadShock)
    what did you do?....drugs.....gay sex?
    Drugs, I've always been so against them in the past, but last night, i felt so down that i just gave into temptation somewhat.

    I have been to my uni LGBT group. Some people there were alright, but the most were again, so stereotypical and cliquey. Plus, the night they meet is the same night i work so it clashes. Because of the past, i find it hard to open up to people and at first, i can come across very shy/quiet, which may put some people off. Just at times, as rali200 says, there's some things you don't quite feel comfortable talking about with straight people. I just find it so hard to meet other gay people at times. Thanks to those that replied. It helped
 
 
 
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