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    So I finally talked to the girl that I really liked. By really liked, it's complete, almost obsessive, infatuation. I'd do anything for her - I really would.

    It's the same story that I've heard at least twice before now. She loves my personality, finds me 'incredibly' intelligent, confident, very funny and spontaneous. But she doesn't find me physically attractive. And as such, nothing can happen past friendship.

    I can tell she's being honest and the personality comments I don't think she's making up, because I could always make her laugh and other girls have said the similar comments to me before, always with the physical attractiveness caveat being thrown in there in one shape or another.

    I'm absolutely devastated because I've never felt as strongly about anyone before as I did about her, and I worry that I never will in the future about anyone else.

    I just don't know what to do with myself. Girls seem to like being around me because they find me funny and interesting. My [male] friends are starting to think I'm gay because girls are always coming up and talking to me but I never take it any further. It's absolutely killing me inside, all I want to do is love someone and them for once to reciprocate. Yet looking back in my past it's a disaster of girls that I've liked, I get confused about the signals, me finally asking them, them saying the same stuff to me, and then me feeling awkward and having to break off the friendship.
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    Maybe you're aiming a bit high? There are a very small number of truly gorgeous girls and everybody is trying to get them, hence they can afford to turn down most of us mere mortals.
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    Oh dear - story of my life... *nods*

    Maybe, instead of focussing on these infatuations/obsessions, that we mere mortals always get, you should leave your love life for a bit, and wait for somebody to feel for you, find you, and chase you. Believe me, there are PLENTY of us out there that'll be doing that!
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    Basically, it comes down to two things: confidence, and knowing how girls think. Unless you have teeth growing out of your eyes and more warts than a witch convention, you'll be able to pull very attractive girls just by actually knowing what to do and being (or appearing) incredibly confident.
    Essentially, women put you in two boxes: friends and potential love interests. Once you're in the friends box, that's it, there's no getting out. However, it's easy to avoid once you know how. I'm not going to go into any more detail at the risk of sounding like some kind of womanising preacher, but don't lose faith. There's plenty of physically unattractive guys walking around with stunners.
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    (Original post by punktopia)
    Basically, it comes down to two things: confidence, and knowing how girls think. Unless you have teeth growing out of your eyes and more warts than a witch convention, you'll be able to pull very attractive girls just by actually knowing what to do and being (or appearing) incredibly confident.
    Essentially, women put you in two boxes: friends and potential love interests. Once you're in the friends box, that's it, there's no getting out. However, it's easy to avoid once you know how. I'm not going to go into any more detail at the risk of sounding like some kind of womanising preacher, but don't lose faith. There's plenty of physically unattractive guys walking around with stunners.
    I would second this, UNLESS there is something 'badly' wrong with your physical appearance that is going to put girls off. Bad acne, very overweight, terrible teeth? If not, I think you just need to alter your actions and get to know girls in a sexual mindframe, with them being aware of that too.
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    Maybe you're aiming a bit high? There are a very small number of truly gorgeous girls and everybody is trying to get them, hence they can afford to turn down most of us mere mortals.
    Maybe this is the case. But I don't go for the conventional 'stunning' looking girls. It's their personalities I fall for. And their voices. I seem to be very particular about accents and how they sound.

    But yea I suppose this girl in question is way out of my 'league'. If she hadn't approached me I would of never approached her.


    Maybe, instead of focussing on these infatuations/obsessions, that we mere mortals always get, you should leave your love life for a bit, and wait for somebody to feel for you, find you, and chase you. Believe me, there are PLENTY of us out there that'll be doing that!
    Hmm. But it's not like I ever actively try and find a girl like my mates do when they go out pulling. I seem to randomly meet girls and then, generally, they seem to want to be friends with me. Like this girl right now I met randomly through a mates' girlfriend and after bumping into her a few times, she messaged me through facebook saying that she had a great time seeing me, we should meet up more etc. For any other guy that would mean more.
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    (Original post by joeawful)
    Maybe this is the case. But I don't go for the conventional 'stunning' looking girls. It's their personalities I fall for. And their voices. I seem to be very particular about accents and how they sound.

    But yea I suppose this girl in question is way out of my 'league'. If she hadn't approached me I would of never approached her.
    That's nonsense. There are no leagues, there is no girl out of your reach.
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    (Original post by HenvY)
    I would second this, UNLESS there is something 'badly' wrong with your physical appearance that is going to put girls off. Bad acne, very overweight, terrible teeth? If not, I think you just need to alter your actions and get to know girls in a sexual mindframe, with them being aware of that too.
    Hmm. I do hate my teeth; they are tetracycline-stained (quite yellow) from when I was very young. It's something I'm very self-conscious about tbh.

    Is it possible this is really putting them off? 'Resolving' it will mean veneers, which will be incredibly expensive (when I asked my dentist last time he said around £10k). But if it's the one thing letting the 'side' down then I'd consider it.

    I don't have a perfect face bone-structure wise but apart from that I'm alright I suppose. Decent hair (a lot of people ask me where I get it done), very clear skin, I'm tall but not lanky.
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    (Original post by joeawful)
    So I finally talked to the girl that I really liked. By really liked, it's complete, almost obsessive, infatuation. I'd do anything for her - I really would.

    It's the same story that I've heard at least twice before now. She loves my personality, finds me 'incredibly' intelligent, confident, very funny and spontaneous. But she doesn't find me physically attractive. And as such, nothing can happen past friendship.

    I can tell she's being honest and the personality comments I don't think she's making up, because I could always make her laugh and other girls have said the similar comments to me before, always with the physical attractiveness caveat being thrown in there in one shape or another.

    I'm absolutely devastated because I've never felt as strongly about anyone before as I did about her, and I worry that I never will in the future about anyone else.

    I just don't know what to do with myself. Girls seem to like being around me because they find me funny and interesting. My [male] friends are starting to think I'm gay because girls are always coming up and talking to me but I never take it any further. It's absolutely killing me inside, all I want to do is love someone and them for once to reciprocate. Yet looking back in my past it's a disaster of girls that I've liked, I get confused about the signals, me finally asking them, them saying the same stuff to me, and then me feeling awkward and having to break off the friendship.
    If you show (or, worse still, tell) a girl how much you love her, how totally hopelessly in love with her you are, how utterly infatuated and dependent, how you would do anything for her approval, etc you are not going to be successful. Simple as that.

    The reason is simple too. Women don't want that. Especially not attractive women. The fact that you have been turned down is less to do with your looks than with your attitude - I can all but guarantee that.

    Next time you see a girl you like take a moment to think about how you come across to her. Do you want to be her best friend/shopping buddy? If yes then compliment her on her shoes, buy her a drink and show her what a lovely personality you have (that's what people look for in a friend after all). Or do you want her to find you attractive? If you'd rather that, then show her that you're worth being with whilst simultaneously presenting yourself as a challenge. Don't buy her a drink - why should you? Don't tell her she looks great - if she does then she already knows it. Instead make her laugh, better still... laugh at her... a lot, have fun and let her know that your fun doesn't depend on her approval, ask her if she's got any hot friends to hook you up with, tell her to buy you a drink in exchange for your chatting to her, etc etc. Don't try to be her friend, be a guy she can't control by looking pretty.

    I read a massively interesting article about this kinda thing a while back and it's just so obvious when you think about it. I remember I read it and then the following day (or so) my housemate invited a load of friends over for her birthday - one of them was cute as. Normally I'd've been friendly, introduced myself, asked about what she did at Uni etc. But she made some comment about fixing a computer and I just called her a geek basically (in a funny way). Anyway, she didn't leave me alone for about an hour, pushing me, mock hitting me, trying to get me to take it back.

    Anyway, I'll stop rambling - but bear that stuff in mind!
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    (Original post by Sehnsucht)
    I read a massively interesting article about this kinda thing a while back and it's just so obvious when you think about it. I remember I read it and then the following day (or so) my housemate invited a load of friends over for her birthday - one of them was cute as. Normally I'd've been friendly, introduced myself, asked about what she did at Uni etc. But she made some comment about fixing a computer and I just called her a geek basically (in a funny way). Anyway, she didn't leave me alone for about an hour, pushing me, mock hitting me, trying to get me to take it back.

    Anyway, I'll stop rambling - but bear that stuff in mind!
    An example of a neg.
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    (Original post by fat_hobbit)
    An example of a neg.
    Come again?
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    (Original post by joeawful)
    Hmm. I do hate my teeth; they are tetracycline-stained (quite yellow) from when I was very young. It's something I'm very self-conscious about tbh.

    Is it possible this is really putting them off? 'Resolving' it will mean veneers, which will be incredibly expensive (when I asked my dentist last time he said around £10k). But if it's the one thing letting the 'side' down then I'd consider it.

    I don't have a perfect face bone-structure wise but apart from that I'm alright I suppose. Decent hair (a lot of people ask me where I get it done), very clear skin, I'm tall but not lanky.
    Probably not something you should be worrying about, but couldn't you just have them whitened instead?
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    (Original post by Sehnsucht)
    If you show (or, worse still, tell) a girl how much you love her, how totally hopelessly in love with her you are, how utterly infatuated and dependent, how you would do anything for her approval, etc you are not going to be successful. Simple as that.

    The reason is simple too. Women don't want that. Especially not attractive women. The fact that you have been turned down is less to do with your looks than with your attitude - I can all but guarantee that.

    Next time you see a girl you like take a moment to think about how you come across to her. Do you want to be her best friend/shopping buddy? If yes then compliment her on her shoes, buy her a drink and show her what a lovely personality you have (that's what people look for in a friend after all). Or do you want her to find you attractive? If you'd rather that, then show her that you're worth being with whilst simultaneously presenting yourself as a challenge. Don't buy her a drink - why should you? Don't tell her she looks great - if she does then she already knows it. Instead make her laugh, better still... laugh at her... a lot, have fun and let her know that your fun doesn't depend on her approval, ask her if she's got any hot friends to hook you up with, tell her to buy you a drink in exchange for your chatting to her, etc etc. Don't try to be her friend, be a guy she can't control by looking pretty.

    I read a massively interesting article about this kinda thing a while back and it's just so obvious when you think about it. I remember I read it and then the following day (or so) my housemate invited a load of friends over for her birthday - one of them was cute as. Normally I'd've been friendly, introduced myself, asked about what she did at Uni etc. But she made some comment about fixing a computer and I just called her a geek basically (in a funny way). Anyway, she didn't leave me alone for about an hour, pushing me, mock hitting me, trying to get me to take it back.

    Anyway, I'll stop rambling - but bear that stuff in mind!
    I know this. I tease the girl in question all the time, never bought her drinks even when she asked. Until I spoke to her about this I'd never complimented her before on her appearance or anything. So it's not like I'm being a camp shopping buddy who says how great her shoes are and how pretty her hair looks.

    I must also point out that she was very very forward with me, to the point that random people regularly thought we were a couple. But I think that's just the way she is. Or she likes leading people on. Either way, I think this is why I fell so bad for her because she showed me so much attention. But nevertheless it didn't work out.
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    (Original post by HenvY)
    Probably not something you should be worrying about, but couldn't you just have them whitened instead?
    Basically, no. I really wanted this done but basically tetracycline completely ****s up your teeth so that bleach won't even work. He said he could try but it would cost a fair wad of cash and it's unlikely to produce very good results so I didn't bother.
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    what ****ed up your teeth so badly?
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    (Original post by Sehnsucht)
    If you show (or, worse still, tell) a girl how much you love her, how totally hopelessly in love with her you are, how utterly infatuated and dependent, how you would do anything for her approval, etc you are not going to be successful. Simple as that.

    The reason is simple too. Women don't want that. Especially not attractive women. The fact that you have been turned down is less to do with your looks than with your attitude - I can all but guarantee that.

    Next time you see a girl you like take a moment to think about how you come across to her. Do you want to be her best friend/shopping buddy? If yes then compliment her on her shoes, buy her a drink and show her what a lovely personality you have (that's what people look for in a friend after all). Or do you want her to find you attractive? If you'd rather that, then show her that you're worth being with whilst simultaneously presenting yourself as a challenge. Don't buy her a drink - why should you? Don't tell her she looks great - if she does then she already knows it. Instead make her laugh, better still... laugh at her... a lot, have fun and let her know that your fun doesn't depend on her approval, ask her if she's got any hot friends to hook you up with, tell her to buy you a drink in exchange for your chatting to her, etc etc. Don't try to be her friend, be a guy she can't control by looking pretty.

    I read a massively interesting article about this kinda thing a while back and it's just so obvious when you think about it. I remember I read it and then the following day (or so) my housemate invited a load of friends over for her birthday - one of them was cute as. Normally I'd've been friendly, introduced myself, asked about what she did at Uni etc. But she made some comment about fixing a computer and I just called her a geek basically (in a funny way). Anyway, she didn't leave me alone for about an hour, pushing me, mock hitting me, trying to get me to take it back.

    Anyway, I'll stop rambling - but bear that stuff in mind!
    I would agree with a lot of this advice, but with the bits in bold it could go either way.

    Asking to be hooked up with her friends could be interpreted as meaning you're a serial shagger who isn't interested in a relationship, and telling her to buy you drinks in exchange for you deigning to talk to her could make you come across as being an arrogant idiot who charges people to socialise with him.

    Just be careful how you go about this, everyting should be done on a subtle level but other than that it's good advice
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    (Original post by becca0770)
    Oh dear - story of my life... *nods*

    Maybe, instead of focussing on these infatuations/obsessions, that we mere mortals always get, you should leave your love life for a bit, and wait for somebody to feel for you, find you, and chase you. Believe me, there are PLENTY of us out there that'll be doing that!
    Agreed.
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    (Original post by joeawful)
    I know this. I tease the girl in question all the time, never bought her drinks even when she asked. Until I spoke to her about this I'd never complimented her before on her appearance or anything. So it's not like I'm being a camp shopping buddy who says how great her shoes are and how pretty her hair looks.

    I must also point out that she was very very forward with me, to the point that random people regularly thought we were a couple. But I think that's just the way she is. Or she likes leading people on. Either way, I think this is why I fell so bad for her because she showed me so much attention. But nevertheless it didn't work out.
    Regardless of everything else, the bit in bold is where you went wrong.

    Changing your manner because she is showing you attention is akin to telling her: you're amazing, do whatever you like and I'll still love you, I can't believe you're talking to me and showing me the time of day, I mean LOOK at you... you could do so much better than me!

    And that is so weak.

    And she, along with most girls, probably doesn't find weakness an attractive quality.

    The reason attractive girls respond to having the piss taken out of them (for example) is because you're showing you don't care too much what they think of you, they can't just act however they want and get away with it, you haven't fallen for them to the extent that you will be manipulated by them.
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    (Original post by Angrybanana)
    I would agree with a lot of this advice, but with the bits in bold it could go either way.

    Asking to be hooked up with her friends could be interpreted as meaning you're a serial shagger who isn't interested in a relationship, and telling her to buy you drinks in exchange for you deigning to talk to her could make you come across as being an arrogant idiot who charges people to socialise with him.

    Just be careful how you go about this, everyting should be done on a subtle level but other than that it's good advice
    Yeah, tone of voice is pretty important. It would have to be said in a pretty tongue in cheek kinda way. Put it this way, if I'd actually said it to you, you'd be at the bar ordering me my pint by now. :p:
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    (Original post by disarm you with a smile)
    I don't know if this will really help, buts it should be funny enough to take your mind off things:

    http://www.joelogon.com/platonic/

    Also, seriously, physical appearance isn't all that important..at least it hasn't played that huge a role in my relationships - I find people attractive even when other people don't lol (like personality or just random chemistry). If you're a nice guy you'll find someone don't worry.
    I believe you've solved it , or made the problem some what less of one to worry about!!
 
 
 
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