its like a monster

hiya, well my boyfriend and i have been going out for 5 months and things are quite serious between us and he said he loves me etc. BUT a few months back i upset him with something i said and i didnt even mean it, and he went off and flirted with another girl for a while, and she fancies him and he told me he thinks shes good looking but thats it. he recently went out with her for her birthday with one of her other firends, we had a row and he realised he was wrong and said he wouldnt go out with her again, he told the girl this she cried etc etc and now i know they talk and text still. i know he loves me but i find myself getting in moods with him and being rather harsh to him like for example, she left him a photo comment and she wrote his name on here myspace page and this made me angry with him although itt wasnt his fault and now ive just cancelled seeing him this tuesday because im angry but WHAT AT?!! i dont understand myself. ohhh =(

Reply 1

Tyler Durden

17

Interesting that you describe it as a monster.

So did Shakespeare:

O, beware, my lord, of jealousy!
It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock
The meat it feeds on.

Anyway, the best way to make sure you keep your boyfriend and keep the girl at bay is to make very little of her presence. If you make her a threat, she will be a threat. If you make her a minor irritation who fancies your boyfriend, then she will remain a minor irritation who fancies your boyfriend.

Absolutely the worst thing you can do is be a bitch to your boyfriend about it. It will make him think of you as less fun and more hassle, and will thus make alternative options look all the more attractive.

There you go - my thoughts on the matter.

Reply 2

dh00001

16

youre jealous. if you develop trust issues with youre boyfriend about this girl you will push him away. if you know he wont do anything why worry about if they talk?

Reply 3

poetic_harriyot

He must know this annoys and upsets you. You've told him and if he continues to ignore your comment then get rid. This other girl sounds slightly ... psycho so I'd leave it up to him to deal with her. A similar thing happened with my ex and me... except he slept with the other girl and she told me. He was, for a while, sleeping with both of us but when I found out I let her have him. They didn't last long. Good luck!

Reply 4

bombastic

OP

because i think they might have cybered at one point and the thought of that upsets me. Although if he did cyber with her i know it was only because he was upset with what i said and was in a way trying to get back at me, but like she left him a message saying something like "oh ur so 2faced i dont like to play all the time!" and my boyfriend and me use the word play when we are descrbiing anythign flirtatious or sexual. grrrr =(

Reply 5

bombastic

OP

poetic_harriyot

He must know this annoys and upsets you. You've told him and if he continues to ignore your comment then get rid. This other girl sounds slightly ... psycho so I'd leave it up to him to deal with her. A similar thing happened with my ex and me... except he slept with the other girl and she told me. He was, for a while, sleeping with both of us but when I found out I let her have him. They didn't last long. Good luck!

OMG...this girl is PSYCHO =0 she made up a fake mysapce account to try and get him to go out with her =S i mean whats ALL THAT about ! i really hate osme girls they are just so bitchy for no reason.

Reply 6

FCabinet34x72

1

dh00001

youre jealous. if you develop trust issues with youre boyfriend about this girl you will push him away. if you know he wont do anything why worry about if they talk?

I feel bombastic - is making 'pycho' comments and making , more than need be out of this! imo! :wink:

Reply 7

Dream_Catcher

1

Sehnsucht

Anyway, the best way to make sure you keep your boyfriend and keep the girl at bay is to make very little of her presence. If you make her a threat, she will be a threat. If you make her a minor irritation who fancies your boyfriend, then she will remain a minor irritation who fancies your boyfriend.
.

Thank you for the advise :smile:

Reply 8

username47781

20

dh00001

youre jealous. if you develop trust issues with youre boyfriend about this girl you will push him away. if you know he wont do anything why worry about if they talk?

Very true, if you don't have trust then it will not work out.

Reply 9

randomgirl

14

Uncancel seeing him on tuesday! Don't push him away, that is the worst thing you can do.

Learn to trust. He is with you. Not her.

Reply 10

BlackHawk

17

enough off topicness please :smile:

Reply 11

khil

15

Keep your jealousy under control - it IS doable. Explain to your boyfriend how you're jealous etc and know that you're being irrational, because if you're talking about it then your bf can reassure you and make you feel better and understand better, and if you know you're being irrational then at least you're realising for yourself that there is actually no realistic threat and therefore you can keep things under control.

I'm not sure it's actually wrong for the bf to go out with the girl for her birthday, considering there was another friend present so it's not a date? Did you know about it beforehand? I guess if you didn't know beforehand then your bf was being slightly insensitive given that he knows how this girl fancies him, but otherwise I don't really see what's wrong. I mean, I went out for a day with this guy friend of mine and later all my friends told me the setting was completely date-like and I hadn't even noticed. My bf was understandably jealous but he just laughed about it and made a joke about it and that's it.

It'll take time to get your jealousy completely under control, but be confident in yourself and in your place in your bf's heart. What makes you think this girl can replace you? What makes you think this girl's better than you that your bf would fall for her? He's with you for a reason. She's not a threat. So let their friendship be and whenever you feel jealous, talk it out with your bf. Trust him to do the right thing - he'll notice if/when it is an issue of concern and just trust him to back off when he feels it is necessary. The more you trust someone, I've found, the more that person tries their hardest not to betray that trust if they actually cared about you.

Reply 12

hippieglitter

19

You're jealous. It's normal to be a little bit jealous, but its a bit over the top going mad over a girl he has said he won't see anymore especially when you know he loves you. I know its hard when your boyfirend is mates with a girl he admits to finding attractive but you have to think, if he liked her all that much he'd be with her and not you surely. Just be thankful that you've got him. not her and try not to be to hard on him, its not entirely his fault that she fancies him.

its like a monster

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