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    I have been going out with my boyfriend for over two years and things are brilliant, i've never been happier ect ect but the one stone in my shoe is that he is an officer in the navy.

    The thing is, he is away for three months at a time and I only see him twice. When he's back for 2 months I see him all the time and everything is brilliant but I can't help but ask myself, how long will this last? Should I marry someone who will be away all the time?


    Please help!
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    If you have to ask, I wouldn't marry him.
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    I would say if in doubt, don't marry him, least not yet.
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    (Original post by clouddweller)
    If you have to ask, I wouldn't marry him.
    :dito:
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    just ask yourself this, will you be able to cope with being alone for those periods of time when he's away because when he's home it'll be worth the wait? or do you think you'd get pissed off and look elsewhere for company? x x x
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    but I can't help but ask myself, how long will this last?
    Ask him how long he expects it to last..
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    1. If you're having to ask this at all, let alone on TSR, then the answer should always be no.

    2. If you're thinking you could marry this guy, that means you'll be with him for the rest of your lives. If this is the case, then wait a few years and see how you manage life with him in the Navy.

    3. It's entirely possible to cope, as when my Mum and Dad met at 17, he was in the Navy. They got married at 19 and have been together ever since (35+ years).
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    Just as many has said above, if you have to ask people on tsr then it must mean you're not ready for marriage yet. Give it time. There's no rush.
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    If you have doubts, then don't marry him.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have been going out with my boyfriend for over two years and things are brilliant, i've never been happier ect ect but the one stone in my shoe is that he is an officer in the navy.

    The thing is, he is away for three months at a time and I only see him twice. When he's back for 2 months I see him all the time and everything is brilliant but I can't help but ask myself, how long will this last? Should I marry someone who will be away all the time?


    Please help!
    You mean merchant navy and not Royal Navy here don't you?

    That makes things very different, talk to him and what his plans are, if he really loves you he will be willing to quit his job, maybe not straight away but if you talk about things and plan it out you will have much better clarification for your future, and then you can think about marriage instead of being in limbo like you are at the moment.
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    Thanks so much everyone for your say

    I know folk are all 'if you're posting this on tsr....'

    He hasn't proposed to me yet we are just thinking about long term plans and it's nice to know other people are in the same situation as you - that's why it's a good idea to ask.
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    Dont agree with the "if you have to ask, don't" mentality.
    its good to question your actions. You explore all possibilities and inform yourself of what each decision could involve.

    It can last. Thousands of other girls have made it last. Its up to you if you can do the same though.
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    No because you have to ask.

    Becoming a officers wife is a hard job, and it is a job. Expect to have to socalise with other wives which is a mission in itself, attend parties, host senior officers, host dinner parties, etc etc. He'll have a return of service so he won't be able to quit, (and to be honest why would you ask him to?) and the navy is more of a lifestyle than a job. Expect to give up your life, your job and your friends to move around with him. Expect that, and hope that you won't have to. The best marriages I've seen are when couples are willing to do that.
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    Firstly, has he asked you to marry him? If you're just worrying and wondering, don't stress yourself out and just go with the flow. If he has proposed, then ok you're entitled to be worrying lol.

    I guess ask yourself, what do YOU need in a husband, in a family? This is not being selfish but simply being realistic. God knows I've asked myself a million times this about my bf and he hasn't even proposed yet. (hence my advice of not stressing yourself out - it causes much misery and paranoia)

    I think I'm coming to realise that long distance relationships are not for everyone, but if you can cope, then great And I feel that long distance relationships are so much hard work but you gotta ask yourself - is this man worth it? Is this man worth the hardship, the distance, the wait? Are those months of loneliness worth it just so you can have him in your arms again when he's home, and have a family with him? Is having a family with him so worth it, so important that the distance and the wait doesn't matter? Long distance is hard but I believe if you're dedicated, it can definitely work. It's just that not everyone wants to go through the hardship and that's fine too - just don't marry him until you know you can live with this hardship though.

    What are your plans for a family? Ask him - what are his plans? What are his views on his role as a father and a husband? What would be HIS responsibilities as a husband and father? (I'm gonna assume you want children) Are these views compatible with your own? Are these views compatible with his role in the navy? Is he willing to consider quitting the army to meet the needs - physical and emotional - of his wife and later, his children?

    At the moment, while it's got nothing to do with the army, I have a kinda similar dilemma with my own bf lol My bf wants to go home to Germany when he finishes uni and I don't speak a word of German and I wanna go into art, writing or people, two out of three need excellent communication skills. I personally, for what I need in a marriage and family, need to know that if we married, and if I couldn't cope in Germany, that he would be willing to live in England permanently and be ok with that and not be miserable for the rest of his life. I'll by all means try to cope in Germany but I can't guarantee that I'd cope and find a job and if I can't I need to know I can go home. That's what I need. Now my bf has to work out whether he thinks he can ever leave Germany for me :rolleyes: Good luck with that cus he's only 19... And I know personally I need a man NOT in the army - I can't stand the idea of my husband being away for so long and I can't stand the idea of him being in any kinda war/battle/situation in which he can be injured/killed.

    So that's what I need. Now think - what do YOU need? What do you need in a husband? In the father of your children? In a family? What do you want? Are these compatible with how HE sees things, what HE needs, and what HE wants? If there is anything in conflict, is it minor enough that a compromise can be reached? If not, can one of you cope with making all the sacrifice?
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    That all just makes me nervous. I really love him and for me, it's not an option to not be together. I know that definatly in my heart he is the one for me and he tells me he feels the same and I believe it.

    I can take being apart just now because I can be focused on my job and being as good as I can be at what I do but it's down the line when we have children, I don't want to be alone and raise children for half of the year. I know he wants children but I also know he wants to do the best in his job aswell.
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    You are aware of your feelings for him but since his career is the one thing you don't like then you need to discuss and make a compromise with him. Is there a way he can spend less time away?
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    If you do want to marry him you need to consider the following:

    1. He could spend most of the year out of area so you may only see him a few months a year.

    2. You will both be posted anywhere, with no prior warning to accomodation that you don't have a choice over and neighbors you can't pick.

    3. People who don't relocate with their husbands can have marital problems. Not all of course, but I've seen a few marriages break down in the forces.

    4. Can you be the dutiful wife? Silly as it sounds, does he want to get to a high rank? If so expect to do a lot of networking. Wives around here all arrange dinner and drinks at each others houses once a week. Expect to attend a lot of functions, dinners and hosting of senior officers. Even if you don't want to.

    5. Really consider the fact that he may be killed or injured during his service career.

    You really, really have to 100% support his career because it is a whole lifestyle that will just take over both of your lives. Where you live, what house you live in, where your kids go to school, etc etc. There is nothing worse than a forces wife who doesn't like or support what their husband does. I really cannot stress enough how much friction can be caused from not being 100% behind him.

    I am a forces wife myself, so if you need to know anything let me know.
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    I just don't know how well I would fit in with that sort of thing. I know he'd want to get to a high rank.

    I think I've got some serious thinking to do! Thank you very much for helping me out.
 
 
 
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