He doesnt make any effort (rubbish summer)

I've had a really bad month and am feeling a little down. I'm on my summer hols from uni (about to go into 2nd year) and I feel like this has been a crap summer for me. My cat died, I've had hardly any money coz my temp job finished back in July and I think my boyfriend of 5 months is about to break up with me.

As we met at uni, we knew that the summer would have to be long distance but thought we'd get through it ok (we live about an hour apart). So far I've gone to see him 4 times but he never comes down to see me coz "its too far to drive" and he "gets bored on the train". I think this is a bit out of order, as I cant drive yet and always have to get the train to see him. Hes working full time for a good company and gets paid loads, so I know train fare isnt a problem (whereas I have to struggle).

I feel like he isnt bothered about me. He hardly ever texts/phones me anymore and he did throughout June/July so I think hes losing interest. We nearly broke up a few weeks ago coz he said we dont see eachother enough, but I feel like theres not much else I can do if he isnt willing to put some effort in.

We go back to uni in 2-3 weeks and he'll probably start acting like he used to, but I dont want to think that hes bothering with me just coz its convenient for him. If you care about someone, surely you should make the effort to talk to/see them all the time, not just when its easy for you?

Sorry, just needed to write it down somewhere. any advice would be helpful. I've tried talking to him about it but he doesnt want to know, so I'm wondering if theres any future in this relationship

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Reply 1

dh00001

have you told him how you feel?

Reply 2

username47781

One key is communication, talk to him.

Reply 3

squeak

IMO if he's not willing to make the effort too, there's no point in stressing yourself about it, if you can make the effort when it's difficult then he should be making twice the effort. he should be crazy about you and so should want to come and see you. and especially because youve tried to talk to him about it and he's not even interested in trying to make more effort..i dont see why you should keep going out on a limb for him, unless he changes i'd let him go and find a boyfriend who will make the effort.

Reply 4

ciara

Tell him how you feel. He might break up with you now, but it's better if you know, and also that he knows he can't just start putting in the effort once you're 5 minutes away again. Also, stop relying on him to make summer fun - it shouldn't be your boyfriend who makes or breaks it. Pester your agency for another temp job, arrange a dinner party or night out with your friends, learn to drive - anything to make this long holiday a bit more productive, so you're too busy to think too much about your lazy boyfriend.

Reply 5

roobyloo

Yeah thanks guys, i'll try to make the best of whats left of the summer. I have tried to talk to him about it but he always ends up turning it back on me and making it out to be my fault. Like I mentioned the lack of texting/communication and he was like "well, YOU could easily text me first but you dont..." (which isn't true, I'm just tired of always being the one texting to ask how he is etc.
Maybe I should let him go.

Reply 6

username47781

roobyloo

Well if that is how he behaves when you tell him how you feel, then just get rid of him, it's his own loss. You deserve better.

Reply 7

ciara

It does sound like you should let him go, yeah. You could just break up with him now if you think that'll help totally put him out of your mind (also his reaction might be quite telling, but it's a risk if you do still really like him). Alternatively just play it cool and see if he actually starts putting in some effort. He might just be insecure and playing it cool himself but if he genuinely can't be bothered then get rid, you can do better.

Reply 8

roobyloo

Yeah I think I'll just distance myself a bit and play it cool - see what happens. I tried to organise a meeting last week so we could chat face to face and clear the air a bit. I tried to make it so we'd both have to travel equal distances and meet mid-way. He said he was up for that, but when he realised he'd have to drive down (about half an hour drive) he refused and cancelled on me. Its like I cant see him unless I'm willing to travel the whole way and pay loads of money to get there. So I'm wondering what the point is really :frown:

Reply 9

username47781

roobyloo

Oh my god, sorry but from the sounds of that he just cannot be bothered.

Reply 10

squeak

there isn't any point. let him go.

Reply 11

ciara

Rock Fan

Oh my god, sorry but from the sounds of that he just cannot be bothered.

:dito:

Do you not get angry when he is so obviously out of order? I think I'd have shouted and slammed the phone down on him by now, and would currently be sulking :redface:

Reply 12

roobyloo

Yeah I was really really angry for a few days. Then he texted me a few days later and invited me out with all his friends to go and watch some cricket next week (something he knows Im not interested in)...which meant I'd have to travel all the way up to see him again and probably end up getting ignored as he'd be too busy with all his mates. I saw it as a waste of time and said no. I dont know why I like him so much, its like everything has to be on his terms

Reply 13

redef1ne

roobyloo

He's not prepared to drive for half an hour to see his girlfriend!? I'd say that's pretty damn unacceptable. If he loved you & your relationship was going somewhere then he'd be prepared to do anything just to spend some time with you. From the sounds of it he's very selfish and doesn't treat you well at all. It seems like you'd be better off without him. You deserve so much better than that- someone who cherishes every moment they spend with you.

Reply 14

username47781

roobyloo

How can you like a guy like this, he is treating you like **** to put it mildly. A relationship should not be one-sided like this. Have some guts and dump him.

Reply 15

Wild Thing

Omg what an *******. Dump him, seriously there's no point ruining the rest of your summer on some guy that cant even be bothered to drive 30 mins!!!

Reply 16

KarlZ

I must say that if my friend was being treated this way and asked for my honest opinion I would say dump him. Personally I dont think you should waste your precious tmie on a guy who blatantly can't be bothered to make an effort. I understand that must like him a lot but if he cant even be bothered to meet you HALF WAY what does that say to you? I mean you are struggling to pay for the public transport to meet him but are willing to come see him anyway whereas he has a cushy and well paid job AND can drive.
Then to topit off he wants to finish things then by using the lame excuse that you are seeing enough of each other.
Personally as hard as it may be for you I would dump him now, it woudl be very interesting to see what his reaction would be or you could cool things off slowly but by the sounds of things this relationship is already heading for sub zero temperatures thanks to his insensitivity and lack of effort.
I would look forward to heading back to uni, getting involved with things and your friends again and would find someone who actually really appreciates you and your company and would do almost anything to be in it. You deserve a WHOLE lot more girl :smile:

Reply 17

prettygreeneyes99

Ahh that just sounds like one of those things, unfortunately no matter how hard you try you cant make someone be bothered about you!

Reply 18

Cherry Kisses

you need to try and shed some light on why hes being like this.. do you think there may be another girl? and hes trying to let go of you gently without actually saying he wants to break up. Might be his way of doing things.

sorry to hear this btw xx