Finding a counsellor that fits?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#1
Simply put I have a whole raft of problems, from serious depression to anxiety to I don't even know what, and know I should probably see someone about it.

The problem is though I'm bad at being seen by counsellors. I've tried a couple, and although I know I'm meant to be going to get help, I just end up saying what I think I should and just sorta going along with it. I'm not sure if I just need one smart enough to see through this, or one who will challenge me more, but so far they've been a bunch of idiotic wet flannels.

So how do I go about finding one who can do what I pay them for? I'm not sure I could tolerate just trawling through tonnes until I find one that fits. Is there a better way, anything particular I should be looking out for on profiles?

Thanks
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Kindred
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#2
Report 4 years ago
#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
Simply put I have a whole raft of problems, from serious depression to anxiety to I don't even know what, and know I should probably see someone about it.

The problem is though I'm bad at being seen by counsellors. I've tried a couple, and although I know I'm meant to be going to get help, I just end up saying what I think I should and just sorta going along with it. I'm not sure if I just need one smart enough to see through this, or one who will challenge me more, but so far they've been a bunch of idiotic wet flannels.

So how do I go about finding one who can do what I pay them for? I'm not sure I could tolerate just trawling through tonnes until I find one that fits. Is there a better way, anything particular I should be looking out for on profiles?

Thanks
Maybe look into therapy. Therapists tend to have more training and would probably fit your suggestion of needing somebody smart enough to notice what you're doing. They will also usually have a better understanding of medical issues and helpful techniques while counselling is often just talking and getting things off your chest.

You can ask your GP for a referral, or I believe you can self-refer to Time To Talk which is on the NHS. You could also look into private therapists if you are willing to pay.

If you are really willing to pay you may even consider seeing a psychiatrist who may be able to guide you better with types of therapy, good therapists or other treatments. Your doctor may be willing to refer you to one on the NHS, but I personally don't think it's likely unless you have pretty severe issues. You can still talk to your doctor though as they are also able to help you in various ways.

You might also like to look into support groups or group therapy. I personally found group therapy more helpful and comfortable than one-to-one despite not really liking people. I think with everybody else contributing it kinda sets a trend for you to follow. It's the only therapy/ counselling I feel I've actually engaged in.

Anyway, bottom line is therapy is better for more medical issues or people who don't respond well to counselling.
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~Tara~
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#3
Report 4 years ago
#3
Therapy and counselling are the same thing. The terms are interchangeable. The only therapists to have more clinical training are clinical psychologists and psychiatrists. But regular therapists can gain knowledge and experience post qualification by taking posts within NHS or private sector. They can also attend non compulsory training on various mental health issues. Depending on their interests, client populations and where they wish to specialise. I specialise in trauma but have working knowledge of anything from depression to dissociative identity disorder - especially since many traumatised clients have mental health problems and diagnoses.

If you're looking for more directive therapy then avoid person centred, they are unlikely to be challenging as it is a non directive therapy. They also probably notice your defences but may not challenge them for some time depending on their personal philosophy.

Psychotherapy is based on psychodynamic theory and is more challenging and directive.

Or you could have an integrative therapist who mixes different theories in their work.

But I have to say, therapists can no more read your mind than anyone else. There's also a limit to what they will try to drag out of you. It's not uncommon to feel frustrated that your therapist isn't pulling out what is underneath your front but therapy is a two way process. The client needs to work just as hard. Well, it's more a case of the therapist following the client's lead even if directive as a professional.

I work in a directive way but I don't push a client where they aren't ready to go. It's not like pulling teeth. Also it's generally seen that if there is incongruence from a client -i.e. Saying feel happy but looking sad, that this will reduce as the relationship develops trust. I might comment that there is that difference but I wouldn't push for a deep revelation.

It's a good defence mechanism..to think they aren't qualified or experienced enough..or generally clever enough to see the real me and pull it out. One I've used myself in the past. But actually all it does is stops you from doing the work you need to do. It stops you testing your vulnerability and learning if you can trust your therapist or not. It came to the point, for me, where I realised that I was never going to know if I could trust them to keep me safe and handle my stuff if I didn't start disclosing some of it. Telling me they could wasn't enough because I didn't trust anyone. They couldn't show me through their behaviour if I didn't give them the opportunity. So I started opening up and brought down the wall bit by bit.

My training also really helped me to see that the counsellor/therapist can only work with what you share and are willing to work with.
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~Tara~
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#4
Report 4 years ago
#4
You could also look up DBT. Dialectical behavioural therapy. It's one of the recommended treatments for depression. It's more structured than regular talking therapy but focussed more on emotions and emotional regulation than cognitive behavioural therapy does. It's use has been broadened beyond borderline personality disorder so don't be freaked out if you research dbt and see lots of mention of borderline personality
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username861942
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#5
Report 4 years ago
#5
(Original post by Anonymous)
Simply put I have a whole raft of problems, from serious depression to anxiety to I don't even know what, and know I should probably see someone about it.

The problem is though I'm bad at being seen by counsellors. I've tried a couple, and although I know I'm meant to be going to get help, I just end up saying what I think I should and just sorta going along with it. I'm not sure if I just need one smart enough to see through this, or one who will challenge me more, but so far they've been a bunch of idiotic wet flannels.

So how do I go about finding one who can do what I pay them for? I'm not sure I could tolerate just trawling through tonnes until I find one that fits. Is there a better way, anything particular I should be looking out for on profiles?

Thanks
Do you know why you say what you think you should? For therapy to be effective you do need to be honest and work hard. The therapist may see what you are doing, but not call you up on it, it doesn't mean that they are not smart enough.

Maybe a therapy that is very directed would help you? CBT or DBT perhaps?


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Anonymous #1
#6
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
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(Original post by ~Tara~)
My training also really helped me to see that the counsellor/therapist can only work with what you share and are willing to work with.
So in the little blurb therapists have, watch catchwords should I be looking for?

I know therapy is meant to be a two way street, but the fact is with me it's not going to be. That's just who I am. My own mum doesn't have a clue how I'm feeling so the whole "saying they're happy but looking sad" just isn't a thing for me. For various reasons my whole life has trained me to make my face and body say exactly what I want.

I doubt it's a defence in my case. As mentioned my whole life I've learnt to hide everything. Add that to a brain that can do any standardised/intelligence test out there and come out in the top 0.1% and all the therapists I've tried just seem rather dim. I know that sounds big headed, but it's the facts and I'm trying to figure out how to deal with it, because my general being has got bad enough I punch myself until I have a headache for days and don't want that any more.

I wish I lived in a movie and could find someone like Sean Maguire from Good Will Hunting, but unfortunately I don't.
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 4 years ago
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(Original post by bullettheory)
Do you know why you say what you think you should? For therapy to be effective you do need to be honest and work hard. The therapist may see what you are doing, but not call you up on it, it doesn't mean that they are not smart enough.

Maybe a therapy that is very directed would help you? CBT or DBT perhaps?
Because they can never sufficiently explain how they're actually going to do anything to help, plus the fact I'm in general never a sharing person.

What does CBT and DBT stand for?
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~Tara~
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#8
Report 4 years ago
#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
So in the little blurb therapists have, watch catchwords should I be looking for?

I know therapy is meant to be a two way street, but the fact is with me it's not going to be. That's just who I am. My own mum doesn't have a clue how I'm feeling so the whole "saying they're happy but looking sad" just isn't a thing for me. For various reasons my whole life has trained me to make my face and body say exactly what I want.

I doubt it's a defence in my case. As mentioned my whole life I've learnt to hide everything. Add that to a brain that can do any standardised/intelligence test out there and come out in the top 0.1% and all the therapists I've tried just seem rather dim. I know that sounds big headed, but it's the facts and I'm trying to figure out how to deal with it, because my general being has got bad enough I punch myself until I have a headache for days and don't want that any more.

I wish I lived in a movie and could find someone like Sean Maguire from Good Will Hunting, but unfortunately I don't.
It's either a defence or a manipulation. I'd look for a clinical psychologist to be honest. Although there are psychotherapists out there with the same theoretical background, they mostly have less clinical exposure. I see a clinical psych and they are by far the best for working with the complexities that I have.

As per your intelligence. I think it's a pretty nifty defence against being emotional and vulnerable. You're not the first and won't be the last person to use intellectualisation as a way of appearing to talk about a problem and yet not really. Not in a way which actually satisfies and resolves so you certainly need a therapist who can pull you over to the emotional when needed. Not all therapists are aware of the disconnect. They simply see someone who is very "self aware" and able to have a balanced discussion and intellectualise - in which case CBT would really not help. You're already adept at this skill and you're living the proof that it's not enough.
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~Tara~
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#9
Report 4 years ago
#9
(Original post by Anonymous)
Because they can never sufficiently explain how they're actually going to do anything to help, plus the fact I'm in general never a sharing person.

What does CBT and DBT stand for?
Cognitive behavioural therapy and dialect behaviour therapy
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