freshers week worries

Hi there,
I just wanted some advice really. I've never been clubbing and very occassionally go to pubs. I've been to a few parties but don't drink at all and always feel out of place. I also can't dance. I've always found it difficult staying up late and to be honest after 11:00pm am absolutely knackered. Because of all this i am so worried about freshers week. I really don't enjoy going out late and "partying" but at the same time i feel if i don't go/leave early i'll be seen as a "loner". I also don't want to walk back by myself. I feel very isolated from other people my age. I hate always having to pretend I'm having a good time and I just don't understand why i don't enjoy this side of life when everyone else my age seems to. Does anyone else feel the same? How am i going to manage uni and find friends/be involved in things? :confused:

Reply 1

dh00001

16

there are other things to do aswell so dont be too concerned :smile:

but i would also suggest giving it a go. go with an open mind and no preconceptions about how it will be and how you will be. try and join in as much as possible as well.
if you dont want to drink, dont, there are others that are the same.

Reply 2

Double Agent

18

Just copy how everyone else is dancing. You dont have do do the whole clubbing thing, do what ever you enjoy, although you may begin to enjoy that sort of thing once you get into it with your friends.

Reply 3

Dinoceros

12

Don't fret. :smile:

You won't be the ONLY person who doesn't drink, and doesn't enjoy clubbing. And to be honest, club dancing makes everyone look stupid, and I love clubbing! It's just moving about. But, when you go out with your halls, and then eventually with mates, if you give it a go and still don't like it, then you can just sit at the bar, with someone in the same position as you. :smile:

Plus, I find that going with the right people helps. In years 10, 11 and 12, I hated clubbing, and was intimidated by the prospect of it, and didn't drink. But then when I went, not with all the jocks at school, but just with my mates, I loved it, and still do. And finally, they're won't just be clubs that play dance and trance. You could try out alternative clubs, if you're into indie, or just go to pre-bars, whci heveryone leaves around 10/11 anyway, so you will be able to socialise, won't look like a loner, but won't be doing anything you don't want.

As I see it, there'll be tons of people just like you, meaning you'll never be alone. Don't feel like you have to give in to peer pressure, but don't say no automatically either. Good luck! :biggrin:

Reply 4

Rainygal

4

Anonymous

Hi there,
I just wanted some advice really. I've never been clubbing and very occassionally go to pubs. I've been to a few parties but don't drink at all and always feel out of place. I also can't dance. I've always found it difficult staying up late and to be honest after 11:00pm am absolutely knackered. Because of all this i am so worried about freshers week. I really don't enjoy going out late and "partying" but at the same time i feel if i don't go/leave early i'll be seen as a "loner". I also don't want to walk back by myself. I feel very isolated from other people my age. I hate always having to pretend I'm having a good time and I just don't understand why i don't enjoy this side of life when everyone else my age seems to. Does anyone else feel the same? How am i going to manage uni and find friends/be involved in things? :confused:

you've just echoed my worries exactly, i know that doesn't help, i just wanted you to know you're not alone

Reply 5

orbelina

I remember during my freshers week everyone met and went out with loads of people, but those friendships formed during the first few weeks often did not last past the end of the first term. Once courses started up and the societies and sports clubs got going, everyone met other people who they had more in common with and real lasting friendships where formed. So even if you dont want to go clubing and drinking you will make friends, it just might take a little longer. But, if you do end up going out clubbing you might find that you do enjoy it in the end so it could be worth giving it a go. Just throw yourself in to what ever is going on and if you dont like it, you dont have to go again :smile:

really though, dont feel pressured to do anything you dont want to do, there are tons of people who feel the same as you and im sure you will be fine :five:

Reply 6

Scrub

I really wouldn't worry about the dancing part. Most people are so drunk they look ridiculous and noone will be looking at you!
Least if your the sober one you can watch and giggle at other people!

I know how you feel though about being scard about Freshers...but everyones in the same boat so to speak and Im sure we'll all have a great time!

Reply 7

tycoon

dont worry about it.. i am in excalty the same situaution so i know how u feel.. dont go if u dnt wanna.. but try it once and see wat it likes and if u dnt like it... then u dnt have to go again :smile:

Reply 8

Ducki

10

Anonymous

Hi there,
I just wanted some advice really. I've never been clubbing and very occassionally go to pubs. I've been to a few parties but don't drink at all and always feel out of place. I also can't dance. I've always found it difficult staying up late and to be honest after 11:00pm am absolutely knackered. Because of all this i am so worried about freshers week. I really don't enjoy going out late and "partying" but at the same time i feel if i don't go/leave early i'll be seen as a "loner". I also don't want to walk back by myself. I feel very isolated from other people my age. I hate always having to pretend I'm having a good time and I just don't understand why i don't enjoy this side of life when everyone else my age seems to. Does anyone else feel the same? How am i going to manage uni and find friends/be involved in things? :confused:

Dont let that stop you from going out! I cant dance, and usually end up with a 5m circle around me as people leave me a big space to stop themselves getting injured from random limbs flying about the place...

Reply 9

Ilora-Danon

3

When I was 17/18 it was the done thing to go out on the lash and get wasted whilst grinding up to people in a skanky club.

Nowadays I'm much more comfortable sat in a coffee shop having a chat with my friends. I don't need alcohol to enjoy myself and because I have been diagnosed with a physical disability, I find it much more difficult to drink/dance and stay on my feet all night like I did when I was younger.

God, get me my slippers and a pipe :wink:

don't worry, you're not abnormal to not enjoy getting lashed off your face and dancing around like an eejit. Actually, you're probably the more sensible one!

Reply 10

hannah_dru

2

I did feel the same up until a few weeks ago because I can't drink much (medical condition) and don't really go clubbing. I decided that I'd give it a shot though and see hwo it goes. If it doesn't go too well then you can always find some societies to join.
You never know- if you get talking to the people in your accommodation they may also be in the same boat as you.

Hope it goes ok :smile:

Reply 11

Anonymous #2

to mr. original poster, i left school in the same way as you and by the end of my first year at uni i was totally different (for the better). now i'm entering my third year and have moved even further along the line of progress! i read the same sort of posts here with people reassuring each other before i started uni and ignored them, thinking what a load of b***s, but it happens. be patient and it will come :smile:

(confidence etc)

Reply 12

Duran Duran

Discussing politics over a cup of tea is much better than clubbing, which is an excuse to waste your life. Isn't it?

Reply 13

Cherry Kisses

13

Anonymous

Hi there,
I just wanted some advice really. I've never been clubbing and very occassionally go to pubs. I've been to a few parties but don't drink at all and always feel out of place. I also can't dance. I've always found it difficult staying up late and to be honest after 11:00pm am absolutely knackered. Because of all this i am so worried about freshers week. I really don't enjoy going out late and "partying" but at the same time i feel if i don't go/leave early i'll be seen as a "loner". I also don't want to walk back by myself. I feel very isolated from other people my age. I hate always having to pretend I'm having a good time and I just don't understand why i don't enjoy this side of life when everyone else my age seems to. Does anyone else feel the same? How am i going to manage uni and find friends/be involved in things? :confused:

Its totally fine, just be yourself. The most important thing however is to never change, dont change foor anyone and dont be afraid to be who you really are :smile:

Reply 14

Spoog!

Anonymous

Hi there,
I just wanted some advice really. I've never been clubbing and very occassionally go to pubs. I've been to a few parties but don't drink at all and always feel out of place. I also can't dance. I've always found it difficult staying up late and to be honest after 11:00pm am absolutely knackered. Because of all this i am so worried about freshers week. I really don't enjoy going out late and "partying" but at the same time i feel if i don't go/leave early i'll be seen as a "loner". I also don't want to walk back by myself. I feel very isolated from other people my age. I hate always having to pretend I'm having a good time and I just don't understand why i don't enjoy this side of life when everyone else my age seems to. Does anyone else feel the same? How am i going to manage uni and find friends/be involved in things? :confused:

Don't worry about the dancing thing, just jump around, wiggle a bit and if anyone says anything reply with 'yea my drunken dancing is pretty darn hilarious eh??' Having said that, you'd be surprised how many people will compliment you on it haha.
Walking back by yourself won't be a problem at uni, I'm sure nobody will want to walk back on their own. To be honest, the friends you'll make on your course or those who'll be living with you might lead you to get my into that whole thing. It's not for everyone though, you're likely to find someone with the same thoughts as you.

Reply 15

meggiemoo7272

Just wanted to let you know you're NOT alone at all. Almost EVERYTHING you said I feel too. I don't drink either, and it's a personal choice that I feel quite comfortable with but I have little verging on NO experience with clubbing, drinking and most things that others do my age, which DOESN'T say I'm a nun and don't enjoy myself, I just choose to do it a different way.

I go out and dance and have fun, go to cinemas, shopping etc. I just choose things that are more for me and I know myself too well and know that I'll never change my beliefs for anyone but I do understand Uni will change me a lot.

When you say you feel detatched from others our age, I empahise. Totally.
I suppose we've just got to be ourselves and do what feels right to us. Dancing isn't so much an issue for me as I've studied dancing etc but pubs/clubs do have areas where you don't need to dance and if you don't want to....DON'T.

That's what I've come to realise lately. People worry about "what if" in these situations ... if you don't want to, YOU DON'T HAVE TO and I think people forget that a lot.
Be yourself, do whats comfortable for you and BELIEVE me, there'll be lots of others like you (I'm 18 and starting Uni in a matter of days too!) and you'll be fine!

xx

Reply 16

suicidal_dream

1

i dont do clubs as such...

i go to rock clubs and thats about it - i much prefer being in a pub with some friends than out clubbing.

i kinda messed up my freshers week - but then nothing much of it really interested me that my hall had organised.

but i still made friends.

the best friends i have are on my course!

Reply 17

glitter_bug

Anonymous

Hi there,
I just wanted some advice really. I've never been clubbing and very occassionally go to pubs. I've been to a few parties but don't drink at all and always feel out of place. I also can't dance. I've always found it difficult staying up late and to be honest after 11:00pm am absolutely knackered. Because of all this i am so worried about freshers week. I really don't enjoy going out late and "partying" but at the same time i feel if i don't go/leave early i'll be seen as a "loner". I also don't want to walk back by myself. I feel very isolated from other people my age. I hate always having to pretend I'm having a good time and I just don't understand why i don't enjoy this side of life when everyone else my age seems to. Does anyone else feel the same? How am i going to manage uni and find friends/be involved in things? :confused:

This isn't really likely to be the kind of thing you're after but just in case... I think its great that you don't drink and everything if its for sport or something but just a drink or two every so often on a night out won't hurt and sometimes it can make you feel less awkward if you are shy and stuff and would like to give dancing etc a go.

However, if you actually don't want to go clubbing etc then there are lots of clubs at universities you can join that do things totally unrelated to any of that i think.

Reply 18

Soundwave

Anonymous

Hi there,
I just wanted some advice really. I've never been clubbing and very occassionally go to pubs. I've been to a few parties but don't drink at all and always feel out of place. I also can't dance. I've always found it difficult staying up late and to be honest after 11:00pm am absolutely knackered. Because of all this i am so worried about freshers week. I really don't enjoy going out late and "partying" but at the same time i feel if i don't go/leave early i'll be seen as a "loner". I also don't want to walk back by myself. I feel very isolated from other people my age. I hate always having to pretend I'm having a good time and I just don't understand why i don't enjoy this side of life when everyone else my age seems to. Does anyone else feel the same? How am i going to manage uni and find friends/be involved in things? :confused:

Are you me? You've just summed me up perfectly. As other have said, there's usually other, not-clubbing things on. You'll be fine, I speak from experience, I was the same when starting Uni. If you want to chat more about it, drop me a PM. :smile:

Reply 19

Nefarious

16

The key to not being seen as a loner is, simply, not to be one. Get involved in everything you can, especially during freshers week. Try stuff you usually wouldn't with an open mind, no one can blame you for not enjoying it if you do so. Don't pretend to be having a good time if you aren't but at the same time make it clear that you do enjoy the company of your peers by socialising with them at other times. Lastly if the fact that you don't enjoy clubbing is an insurmountable problem for someone they probably aren't the sort of person you want as a friend.

freshers week worries

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