Still not over my ex after a year. Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#1
So, my ex and I broke up about the same time last year, maybe 6 months since I've last seen him, since we tried to be friends for a while but it failed.

In a nutshell, I'm not doing well at all. I thought I was over him but recently a mutual friend told me had a new girlfriend (it was all a misunderstanding, he doesn't) and I just cried my eyes out for 2 days. I still think about the guy everyday. Heck, I even dream about him sometimes, even though I don't want to.

I'm genuinely trying to do everything to move on, but everything's so different now. I've lost interest in things I would have enjoyed before. I experience some occasional anxiety (I've been seeing a counsellor for two weeks, she really helps), and communicating with other guys or even friends just does not appeal to me anymore. I'm going out (dragging myself out), trying to having fun and make new friends. But I'm just kind of "meh" about people now.

I think part of the problem is also that even though I know it's right to move on, I don't actually want to. The memories I have of him remind me of a time I was so happy. I think part of me is actually half-hoping we'll get back together somehow.

I know this really is abnormal, hence why I'm writing this. I just really don't know what to do anymore. I can't stop thinking about him. I know he's over me, which kills me, but I feel so embarrassed and ashamed that I'm still struggling. It's been a whole year, for crying out loud. I feel so weak.

Sorry for the long-ish post. If anyone has any advice, it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
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Clockrice
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#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So, my ex and I broke up about the same time last year, maybe 6 months since I've last seen him, since we tried to be friends for a while but it failed.

In a nutshell, I'm not doing well at all. I thought I was over him but recently a mutual friend told me had a new girlfriend (it was all a misunderstanding, he doesn't) and I just cried my eyes out for 2 days. I still think about the guy everyday. Heck, I even dream about him sometimes, even though I don't want to.

I'm genuinely trying to do everything to move on, but everything's so different now. I've lost interest in things I would have enjoyed before. I experience some occasional anxiety (I've been seeing a counsellor for two weeks, she really helps), and communicating with other guys or even friends just does not appeal to me anymore. I'm going out (dragging myself out), trying to having fun and make new friends. But I'm just kind of "meh" about people now.

I think part of the problem is also that even though I know it's right to move on, I don't actually want to. The memories I have of him remind me of a time I was so happy. I think part of me is actually half-hoping we'll get back together somehow.

I know this really is abnormal, hence why I'm writing this. I just really don't know what to do anymore. I can't stop thinking about him. I know he's over me, which kills me, but I feel so embarrassed and ashamed that I'm still struggling. It's been a whole year, for crying out loud. I feel so weak.

Sorry for the long-ish post. If anyone has any advice, it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
Is there anything which you don't like about him or disgusts you about him which could change how you feel about him?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Clockrice)
Is there anything which you don't like about him or disgusts you about him which could change how you feel about him?
Well yeah obviously, considering I'm the one that initiated the break-up. There are lots of things. He had some anger issues, he was obnoxious sometimes. Some more, but for some reason the good stuff always outweighs it.
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Clockrice
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Well yeah obviously, considering I'm the one that initiated the break-up. There are lots of things. He had some anger issues, he was obnoxious sometimes. Some more, but for some reason the good stuff always outweighs it.
The problem seems to be that you don't think you will find anyone better and you haven't come across anyone better yet? I guess after breaking up you expected it would be hard, but you would find someone better? I loved a girl last year and she was my best friend and what not, then she did stuff which totally disgusted me and turned me off her as a person. Nothing I could do about it, but I got over it in 6 months because I found better people than her who I could trust.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Clockrice)
The problem seems to be that you don't think you will find anyone better and you haven't come across anyone better yet? I guess after breaking up you expected it would be hard, but you would find someone better? I loved a girl last year and she was my best friend and what not, then she did stuff which totally disgusted me and turned me off her as a person. Nothing I could do about it, but I got over it in 6 months because I found better people than her who I could trust.
Well trust me I have been out and met new people, especially guys. Some of them do have great qualities but for some reason the one quality that my ex had is hard to find in others.

That makes a lot of sense what you're saying, the main problem is really just finding a way to stop thinking about him. It's been a year now and I just feel ridiculous that I'm still not over him.
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999tigger
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#6
Report 2 years ago
#6
(Original post by Anonymous)
So, my ex and I broke up about the same time last year, maybe 6 months since I've last seen him, since we tried to be friends for a while but it failed.

In a nutshell, I'm not doing well at all. I thought I was over him but recently a mutual friend told me had a new girlfriend (it was all a misunderstanding, he doesn't) and I just cried my eyes out for 2 days. I still think about the guy everyday. Heck, I even dream about him sometimes, even though I don't want to.

I'm genuinely trying to do everything to move on, but everything's so different now. I've lost interest in things I would have enjoyed before. I experience some occasional anxiety (I've been seeing a counsellor for two weeks, she really helps), and communicating with other guys or even friends just does not appeal to me anymore. I'm going out (dragging myself out), trying to having fun and make new friends. But I'm just kind of "meh" about people now.

I think part of the problem is also that even though I know it's right to move on, I don't actually want to. The memories I have of him remind me of a time I was so happy. I think part of me is actually half-hoping we'll get back together somehow.

I know this really is abnormal, hence why I'm writing this. I just really don't know what to do anymore. I can't stop thinking about him. I know he's over me, which kills me, but I feel so embarrassed and ashamed that I'm still struggling. It's been a whole year, for crying out loud. I feel so weak.

Sorry for the long-ish post. If anyone has any advice, it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
Were you the dumper or dumpee?

I think you are trying too hard to move on. End of relationships has been compared to a bereavment and the Kubler- Ross model of 5 stages. I can only guess what stage you are at, but its not acceptance.


https://eclosure.com.au/wp-content/u...15/01/G_7.jpeg

Imo stop placing so many expectations on yourself and realise that for a while you will be sad. You can almost take a perverse sort of comfort in it, but you will come to accept its over and not coming back. If he dumped you, then its because it wasnt working for him and it has to work for both people. Stop trying to be happy if you are not, take it one day at a time and start looking after yourself. When you feel a bit better, then start appreciating yourself and enjoying things as a single person. You do need to cut all contact with him though social media and otherwise.

If he isnt coming back then although it hurts, the denial isnt going to make it happen. There are billions of other boys, tens if not hundreds of thousands you stand a chance of having a great relationship with some will be better than your ex, some better and different and they all have a chance of liking you back. Whilst you remain sad over the ex, then it does prevent you moving on and meeting your future bfs, so it doesnt make sense to spend too long being sad.

Its a balance though. If it were me I would just consolidate and not put any pressure on. The focus should just be being less miserable and happier within yourself. Once you have that cracked then its much easier to attract someone else. It will all be ok.
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999tigger
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#7
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#7
Oooops sorry I didnt read further and saw you are the dumper. He's an ex for a reason then. It was needed because you cnat find someone better or have a new relationship whilst you were in the old one. If you didnt love him then you did both a favour by calling it. You are just having some doubts, but honestly the reasons why you split (they seem big ones) will just come back to remind you straight away. Its just slightly out of your comfort zone, but there will be more compatible prospects out there. Stop looking back and overlooking the faults.
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Abdukazam
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#8
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I completely understand how you feel tbh, you meet so many people but it's all just meh, it's not even like my ex was a good person, but whatever.

Don't get how you can dump someone and still feel like that though. I kind of just walked out on her so it was 50/50 but still? Surely you broke up for a reason? And if not what is wrong with you lol?
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Anonymous #2
#9
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So, my ex and I broke up about the same time last year, maybe 6 months since I've last seen him, since we tried to be friends for a while but it failed.

In a nutshell, I'm not doing well at all. I thought I was over him but recently a mutual friend told me had a new girlfriend (it was all a misunderstanding, he doesn't) and I just cried my eyes out for 2 days. I still think about the guy everyday. Heck, I even dream about him sometimes, even though I don't want to.

I'm genuinely trying to do everything to move on, but everything's so different now. I've lost interest in things I would have enjoyed before. I experience some occasional anxiety (I've been seeing a counsellor for two weeks, she really helps), and communicating with other guys or even friends just does not appeal to me anymore. I'm going out (dragging myself out), trying to having fun and make new friends. But I'm just kind of "meh" about people now.

I think part of the problem is also that even though I know it's right to move on, I don't actually want to. The memories I have of him remind me of a time I was so happy. I think part of me is actually half-hoping we'll get back together somehow.

I know this really is abnormal, hence why I'm writing this. I just really don't know what to do anymore. I can't stop thinking about him. I know he's over me, which kills me, but I feel so embarrassed and ashamed that I'm still struggling. It's been a whole year, for crying out loud. I feel so weak.

Sorry for the long-ish post. If anyone has any advice, it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
OMG I have the same problem!....
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Anonymous #2
#10
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(Original post by Abdukazam)
I completely understand how you feel tbh, you meet so many people but it's all just meh, it's not even like my ex was a good person, but whatever.

Don't get how you can dump someone and still feel like that though. I kind of just walked out on her so it was 50/50 but still? Surely you broke up for a reason? And if not what is wrong with you lol?
I feel the same!
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Abdukazam
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I feel the same!
It's a bit irritating isn't it? (understatement of the century)

Rationally, she's not that good, i'm not rose tinted.
Emotionally, why can't I find anyone I actually want to talk to?

Like how does this happen??
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ckfeister
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So, my ex and I broke up about the same time last year, maybe 6 months since I've last seen him, since we tried to be friends for a while but it failed.

In a nutshell, I'm not doing well at all. I thought I was over him but recently a mutual friend told me had a new girlfriend (it was all a misunderstanding, he doesn't) and I just cried my eyes out for 2 days. I still think about the guy everyday. Heck, I even dream about him sometimes, even though I don't want to.

I'm genuinely trying to do everything to move on, but everything's so different now. I've lost interest in things I would have enjoyed before. I experience some occasional anxiety (I've been seeing a counsellor for two weeks, she really helps), and communicating with other guys or even friends just does not appeal to me anymore. I'm going out (dragging myself out), trying to having fun and make new friends. But I'm just kind of "meh" about people now.

I think part of the problem is also that even though I know it's right to move on, I don't actually want to. The memories I have of him remind me of a time I was so happy. I think part of me is actually half-hoping we'll get back together somehow.

I know this really is abnormal, hence why I'm writing this. I just really don't know what to do anymore. I can't stop thinking about him. I know he's over me, which kills me, but I feel so embarrassed and ashamed that I'm still struggling. It's been a whole year, for crying out loud. I feel so weak.

Sorry for the long-ish post. If anyone has any advice, it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
Is it by any chance your first relationship?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ckfeister)
Is it by any chance your first relationship?
Yep, first relationship. First everything.
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Anonymous #1
#14
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(Original post by Anonymous)
OMG I have the same problem!....
Stay strong We'll get through lol
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Abdukazam)
I completely understand how you feel tbh, you meet so many people but it's all just meh, it's not even like my ex was a good person, but whatever.

Don't get how you can dump someone and still feel like that though. I kind of just walked out on her so it was 50/50 but still? Surely you broke up for a reason? And if not what is wrong with you lol?
Yes I did break up for a reason. First off, I confessed I was in love with him and he said he wasn't. So there's that. Then he had several other issues, anger issues and the like, and at the time it was really negatively affecting me.

What do you mean what's wrong with me? Are you suggesting that I shouldn't have?
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ckfeister
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yep, first relationship. First everything.
I could relate about 1 month ago, key to moving on is just go with whoever your gut says (relationship wise) you'll never get over your first, its the start of your journey, you can't get rid of your foundation.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ckfeister)
I could relate about 1 month ago, key to moving on is just go with whoever your gut says (relationship wise) you'll never get over your first, its the start of your journey, you can't get rid of your foundation.
You know what's funny? That's actually a relief to hear. It's been so alienating looking around and seeing everyone getting over their ex so easily while I'm still here incapable of deleting our photos together. Guess it's something I won't have to force myself to get over. Hopefully will get better in time though.

How long did it take you?
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ckfeister
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(Original post by Anonymous)
You know what's funny? That's actually a relief to hear. It's been so alienating looking around and seeing everyone getting over their ex so easily while I'm still here incapable of deleting our photos together. Guess it's something I won't have to force myself to get over. Hopefully will get better in time though.

How long did it take you?
Realize it all, you both won't be anything alike in the future, you start your journey that " love " is the first you've ever had, don't be afraid to talk to people you like even if it doesn't work.

How I got over it is I talked to someone who I liked, but if it doesn't work move on... and repeat. It took me about 6 months to get over it, 99% over it now... he looks like a jock now I could tell what he meant by we'll be different in long term...

It was about getting rid of my anxious and nervs of talking to crushes... that was about it, don't hold back over first crush... keep going.

Also..
NEVER BE FRIENDS WITH AN EX. It'll be hell.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ckfeister)
Realize it all, you both won't be anything alike in the future, you start your journey that " love " is the first you've ever had, don't be afraid to talk to people you like even if it doesn't work.

How I got over it is I talked to someone who I liked, but if it doesn't work move on... and repeat. It took me about 6 months to get over it, 99% over it now... he looks like a jock now I could tell what he meant by we'll be different in long term...

It was about getting rid of my anxious and nervs of talking to crushes... that was about it, don't hold back over first crush... keep going.

Also..
NEVER BE FRIENDS WITH AN EX. It'll be hell.
I don't see the problem with being friends as long as both parties are over eachother and there are no emotions involved.

But yeah, obviously being friends with the ex right now would be detrimental, hence why we're not.
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ckfeister
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#20
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I don't see the problem with being friends as long as both parties are over eachother and there are no emotions involved.

But yeah, obviously being friends with the ex right now would be detrimental, hence why we're not.
Your feelings will come back and will affect your life/whoever your with.
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