Boyfriend has female best friends Watch

MardyBumm
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My boyfriend has 2 female best friends. One of them, he used to be kinda fwb with a few years ago. Now they are best friends and he says that fwb 'episode' is far behind them. That girl's mum had a party some time ago and she told my boyfriend's friend to invite a friend. She chose my boyfriend. So he went to hers for a couple of days, stayed in her room (didn't sleep in her bed) and just went to that party with her. As much as I trust him, I feel worried that something may happen between them again. He says that they are only a really close friends and he said that he joked with her that if he ever got married, she'd be his best man. What do you guys think about it? Should I worry? :/
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999tigger
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(Original post by MardyBumm)
My boyfriend has 2 female best friends. One of them, he used to be kinda fwb with a few years ago. Now they are best friends and he says that fwb 'episode' is far behind them. That girl's mum had a party some time ago and she told my boyfriend's friend to invite a friend. She chose my boyfriend. So he went to hers for a couple of days, stayed in her room (didn't sleep in her bed) and just went to that party with her. As much as I trust him, I feel worried that something may happen between them again. He says that they are only a really close friends and he said that he joked with her that if he ever got married, she'd be his best man. What do you guys think about it? Should I worry? :/
I can see how it would concern you, but you have to trust him until he gives good cause to do otherwise. If you make an issue of it then it could undermine you. You might raise it if he seems to be showing more interest and time with them than with you, but you have to trust him.
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MardyBumm
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(Original post by 999tigger)
I can see how it would concern you, but you have to trust him until he gives good cause to do otherwise. If you make an issue of it then it could undermine you. You might raise it if he seems to be showing more interest and time with them than with you, but you have to trust him.
That's definitely not the case. He shows me a lot of attention and he reassures me of his feelings whenever I need it. Even though he is with them, he will still text me a lot.

I just don't really know anyne who would be just best friends with someone opposite sex. So I was wondering if it's even possible to be only friends and nothing more
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999tigger
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(Original post by MardyBumm)
That's definitely not the case. He shows me a lot of attention and he reassures me of his feelings whenever I need it. Even though he is with them, he will still text me a lot.

I just don't really know anyne who would be just best friends with someone opposite sex. So I was wondering if it's even possible to be only friends and nothing more
Then you are fine. You just have to deal with your own insecurities.
Yes its possible, but not everyone always tells the truth. Trust him until you have evidence otherwise.
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uberteknik
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Would it make any difference if your bf's best friend was gay? Would you trust him to stay in the same room?

Polite advice: You need to get over your insecurities.

They are yours not his and you must deal with them or risk a relationship breakdown through his eventual resentment of your jealousy, suspicion, claustrophobia and control.

Trust means opening yourself up to potential hurt. If you cannot trust, then relationships for you are doomed to failure.
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watchingyouwatch
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(Original post by MardyBumm)
That's definitely not the case. He shows me a lot of attention and he reassures me of his feelings whenever I need it. Even though he is with them, he will still text me a lot.

I just don't really know anyne who would be just best friends with someone opposite sex. So I was wondering if it's even possible to be only friends and nothing more
You have to trust him as that is the basis of a good relationship.

I have friends of the opposite sex- I have never seen it as a problem, I also have lesbian friends and their girlfriends don't seem to have an issue with my friendship either.

Not all male/female relationships have to be about sex- The way i see it if you close your mind to being friends with the opposite gender you are also cutting out 50% of the potential friendships you might have.
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MardyBumm
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(Original post by uberteknik)
Would it make any difference if your bf's best friend was gay? Would you trust him to stay in the same room?

Polite advice: You need to get over your insecurities.

They are yours not his and you must deal with them or risk a relationship breakdown; not through infidelity, but through his resentment of jealousy, suspicion, claustrophobia and control.
Well yes. That would be different and I'd be totally fine with it and not worried at all. The thing that makes me insecure is that they used to be fwb like 2 years ago
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MardyBumm
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(Original post by watchingyouwatch)
You have to trust him as that is the basis of a good relationship.

I have friends of the opposite sex- I have never seen it as a problem, I also have lesbian friends and their girlfriends don't seem to have an issue with my friendship either.

Not all male/female relationships have to be about sex- The way i see it if you close your mind to being friends with the opposite gender you are also cutting out 50% of the potential friendships you might have.
Yup I guess you are right. Thats a really good point. Thanks a lot. That put my mind at ease a bit
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Renaissance-Man
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(Original post by MardyBumm)
My boyfriend has 2 female best friends. One of them, he used to be kinda fwb with a few years ago. Now they are best friends and he says that fwb 'episode' is far behind them. That girl's mum had a party some time ago and she told my boyfriend's friend to invite a friend. She chose my boyfriend. So he went to hers for a couple of days, stayed in her room (didn't sleep in her bed) and just went to that party with her. As much as I trust him, I feel worried that something may happen between them again. He says that they are only a really close friends and he said that he joked with her that if he ever got married, she'd be his best man. What do you guys think about it? Should I worry? :/
I'm not going to lie, that rings alarm bells and I can see why you would be concerned.

All you can do is trust him but if he starts acting a bit fishy in future don't be surprised if he's done something with her the warning signs are there.
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Renaissance-Man
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(Original post by uberteknik)
Would it make any difference if your bf's best friend was gay? Would you trust him to stay in the same room?

Polite advice: You need to get over your insecurities.

They are yours not his and you must deal with them or risk a relationship breakdown through his resentment of your jealousy, suspicion, claustrophobia and control.

Trust means opening yourself up to potential hurt. If you cannot trust, then relationships for you are doomed to failure.
they had a sexual relationship together...

of course she's going to be worried ffs that rings alarm bells.
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MardyBumm
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(Original post by trapking)
I'm not going to lie, that rings alarm bells and I can see why you would be concerned.

All you can do is trust him but if he starts acting a bit fishy in future don't be surprised if he's done something with her the warning signs are there.
Yeah I know it does ah. I guess it's good that I can talk to him about what I'm worried about though? Like he never gets annoyed, irritated or angry when I ask about things or need reassurance? I guess if there was something between them, he'd try to avoid the subject or would get annoyed if I asked? or am I wrong?
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claireestelle
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(Original post by MardyBumm)
So I was wondering if it's even possible to be only friends and nothing more
The majority of my fiances closest friends are women (and he does speak to some of mine quite often too) and although he hasnt ever stayed over at their houses if he wants to spend time with them i m really not bothered, i can't see the difference between him having female friends and him having male friends.
I suppose the fact there was an fwb thing in the past is what is bothering you most but you have to accept their past and move on from it otherwise it sounds like you ll never trust your boyfriend.
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Renaissance-Man
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(Original post by MardyBumm)
Yeah I know it does ah. I guess it's good that I can talk to him about what I'm worried about though? Like he never gets annoyed, irritated or angry when I ask about things or need reassurance? I guess if there was something between them, he'd try to avoid the subject or would get annoyed if I asked? or am I wrong?
it's hard to say for sure tbh but give him the benefit of the doubt and trust him BUT if anything wrong happens don't be surprised/shocked.

Any sane guy that actually cares about his girl would realise that this is a ****ed up thing to do while in a relationship....I mean why on earth would you be still friends with a girl you used to ****? If I did that, I would be only doing it because I actually like her and know that there is a strong possibility of us ****ing again. The attraction is still there ffs that's dangerous.
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uberteknik
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(Original post by trapking)
they had a sexual relationship together...

of course she's going to be worried ffs that rings alarm bells.
No **** Sherlock!

I can see nothing escapes you.
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MardyBumm
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(Original post by trapking)
it's hard to say for sure tbh but give him the benefit of the doubt and trust him BUT if anything wrong happens don't be surprised/shocked.

Any sane guy that actually cares about his girl would realise that this is a ****ed up thing to do while in a relationship....I mean why on earth would you be still friends with a girl you used to ****? If I did that, I would be only doing it because I actually like her and know that there is a strong possibility of us ****ing again. The attraction is still there ffs that's dangerous.
The thing is that they were fwb at the beginning of their first year at uni. After a few times, they agreed to stay just friends and nothing more. So they have been 'just friends' for like 2 years now. I only met him like 9 months ago. So I cannot expect him to stop contacting her as they had been best mates for over a year when I first met him
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Renaissance-Man
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(Original post by MardyBumm)
The thing is that they were fwb at the beginning of their first year at uni. After a few times, they agreed to stay just friends and nothing more. So they have been 'just friends' for like 2 years now. I only met him like 9 months ago. So I cannot expect him to stop contacting her as they had been best mates for over a year when I first met him
Hmm, well all you can do is trust him. Good luck

(Original post by uberteknik)
No **** Sherlock!

I can see nothing escapes you.
Ok.
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Tootles
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(Original post by MardyBumm)
My boyfriend has 2 female best friends. One of them, he used to be kinda fwb with a few years ago. Now they are best friends and he says that fwb 'episode' is far behind them. That girl's mum had a party some time ago and she told my boyfriend's friend to invite a friend. She chose my boyfriend. So he went to hers for a couple of days, stayed in her room (didn't sleep in her bed) and just went to that party with her. As much as I trust him, I feel worried that something may happen between them again. He says that they are only a really close friends and he said that he joked with her that if he ever got married, she'd be his best man. What do you guys think about it? Should I worry? :/
Are you twelve?
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alexandraturner_
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Don't worry too much, my best friend is a guy and there are no feelings there at all, so it is possible
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Retired_Messiah
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(Original post by MardyBumm)
I just don't really know anyne who would be just best friends with someone opposite sex. So I was wondering if it's even possible to be only friends and nothing more
I am close friends with 3 females. I feel nothing for any of them. 2 of them aren't single, they have not tried to cheat on their boyfriends to get with me. Does this suffice?
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MardyBumm
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thanks a lot guys. However, what worries me is that he slept in the same room with her for couple of nights when he was at hers. And I'm not really sure what I should do. Shall I talk to him bout it and tell him it upset me? or I should just leave it?
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