Anonymous #1
#1
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My aunt has been married to a man for 15 years, and they have an 11 year-old son together.

They've had their ups and downs, and were on the brink of divorcing last year ,but ended up staying together, thought I'm unsure whether it was more for the sake of my cousin. At the time, my aunt accused him of cheating on her, though I'm unsure whether the accusations were true or not.

Several months later, things seem to be going well between them again. However, last night I was at theirs, and I borrowed his computer to print something (he has his own office so I did it in there). I needed to log onto my hotmail account, however it was still logged in on his.

I noticed that he had received several emails from sites such as Gaydar, saying that people had visited his profile and sent him messages. There were mails from at least 2 different dating sites, though I didn't access the sites nor the messages.

I was in a state of shock, but my aunt was due to arrive and I carried on as normal. I am unsure what to do; the emails weren't in his junk mail, and they were from the last few weeks.

I've talked about it to one or two people, who have told me to say nothing, as it's his private life and his problem. I see where they're coming from, but it's my aunt and my cousin; I'd hate to think he was cheating on her/hiding things.

I see him every week and I really have no idea what to do. What would others do in this situation? Thanks
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S2M
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My aunt has been married to a man for 15 years, and they have an 11 year-old son together.

They've had their ups and downs, and were on the brink of divorcing last year ,but ended up staying together, thought I'm unsure whether it was more for the sake of my cousin. At the time, my aunt accused him of cheating on her, though I'm unsure whether the accusations were true or not.

Several months later, things seem to be going well between them again. However, last night I was at theirs, and I borrowed his computer to print something (he has his own office so I did it in there). I needed to log onto my hotmail account, however it was still logged in on his.

I noticed that he had received several emails from sites such as Gaydar, saying that people had visited his profile and sent him messages. There were mails from at least 2 different dating sites, though I didn't access the sites nor the messages.

I was in a state of shock, but my aunt was due to arrive and I carried on as normal. I am unsure what to do; the emails weren't in his junk mail, and they were from the last few weeks.

I've talked about it to one or two people, who have told me to say nothing, as it's his private life and his problem. I see where they're coming from, but it's my aunt and my cousin; I'd hate to think he was cheating on her/hiding things.

I see him every week and I really have no idea what to do. What would others do in this situation? Thanks
It's up to you to be honest. On one hand it's not good that you tell because it is his private life, on the other hand your Aunt should know about it.
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Ciel.
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My aunt has been married to a man for 15 years, and they have an 11 year-old son together.

They've had their ups and downs, and were on the brink of divorcing last year ,but ended up staying together, thought I'm unsure whether it was more for the sake of my cousin. At the time, my aunt accused him of cheating on her, though I'm unsure whether the accusations were true or not.

Several months later, things seem to be going well between them again. However, last night I was at theirs, and I borrowed his computer to print something (he has his own office so I did it in there). I needed to log onto my hotmail account, however it was still logged in on his.

I noticed that he had received several emails from sites such as Gaydar, saying that people had visited his profile and sent him messages. There were mails from at least 2 different dating sites, though I didn't access the sites nor the messages.

I was in a state of shock, but my aunt was due to arrive and I carried on as normal. I am unsure what to do; the emails weren't in his junk mail, and they were from the last few weeks.

I've talked about it to one or two people, who have told me to say nothing, as it's his private life and his problem. I see where they're coming from, but it's my aunt and my cousin; I'd hate to think he was cheating on her/hiding things.

I see him every week and I really have no idea what to do. What would others do in this situation? Thanks
Leave it. They have a young kid, this will ruin their whole family. Maybe he simply has cam sex with these guys. Maybe he's just bi-curious.
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Rt6f
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Take out the fact that he maybe having sex with men and it leaves the fact that he is cheating on his wife. If I knew anyone that was cheating on my relatives, the first person I would tell is my parents because they would have a better understanding of how to deal with the situation.
You could straight up say he is cheating and I saw those emails but it is less likely to be believable. If one of your parents told your auntie what you saw then she would probably listen more and it will keep you out of the arguments.
Honestly, I don't know what you should do but if someone is a consistent cheater then one way or another they will get caught, either now or a few years down the line.
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ddrrzzeerr
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Stay out of it. For all you know your aunt could be turning a blind eye to this behaviour for your cousin's sake. May be they have even agreed to him going on there. You really don't know and it is none of your business.

It never pays to involve yourself in other people's marriages. You could end up falling out with the whole family if you meddle.
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chikane
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#6
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My aunt has been married to a man for 15 years, and they have an 11 year-old son together.

They've had their ups and downs, and were on the brink of divorcing last year ,but ended up staying together, thought I'm unsure whether it was more for the sake of my cousin. At the time, my aunt accused him of cheating on her, though I'm unsure whether the accusations were true or not.

Several months later, things seem to be going well between them again. However, last night I was at theirs, and I borrowed his computer to print something (he has his own office so I did it in there). I needed to log onto my hotmail account, however it was still logged in on his.

I noticed that he had received several emails from sites such as Gaydar, saying that people had visited his profile and sent him messages. There were mails from at least 2 different dating sites, though I didn't access the sites nor the messages.

I was in a state of shock, but my aunt was due to arrive and I carried on as normal. I am unsure what to do; the emails weren't in his junk mail, and they were from the last few weeks.

I've talked about it to one or two people, who have told me to say nothing, as it's his private life and his problem. I see where they're coming from, but it's my aunt and my cousin; I'd hate to think he was cheating on her/hiding things.

I see him every week and I really have no idea what to do. What would others do in this situation? Thanks
(Original post by Rt6f)
Take out the fact that he maybe having sex with men and it leaves the fact that he is cheating on his wife. If I knew anyone that was cheating on my relatives, the first person I would tell is my parents because they would have a better understanding of how to deal with the situation.
You could straight up say he is cheating and I saw those emails but it is less likely to be believable. If one of your parents told your auntie what you saw then she would probably listen more and it will keep you out of the arguments.
Honestly, I don't know what you should do but if someone is a consistent cheater then one way or another they will get caught, either now or a few years down the line.
Op i agree with Rt6f tell your parents and let them handle it. Someone said you saying something will tear their family apart but it seems that their marriage isn't solid anyway and he isn't happy if he is looking for sex or flirty chats elsewhere so you would be doing them a favour. If i was the child i would be picking up vibes that all is not well and i wouldnt want 2 unhappy people staying together for my sake so do what is right.
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Zechs
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Seen as it's not illegal to be gay in the United Kingdom and it's not illegal to access gay sites I think the best choice is to move along. You found out something possibly secret about a person which may not hurt anyone else. No need to start spreading rumours about. Think about how you would feel if someone did the same to you about anything in your own private life.
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Bang Outta Order
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(Original post by Mancini)
Seen as it's not illegal to be gay in the United Kingdom and it's not illegal to access gay sites I think the best choice is to move along. You found out something possibly secret about a person which may not hurt anyone else. no need to start spreading rumours about. Think about how you would feel if someone did the same to you about anything in your own private life.
..yea...unfortunuately that's true...as taboo as gay sex might be to people, you're actually right that it's private
I think every couple has secret perversions and kinks because individuals have their fantasies
but if he's cheating that's something important no matter the sexuality but it's a delicate ass issue
I say chuckle, use it as collateral, and move on
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Trevish
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Talk to your uncle directly

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neal95
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You need to make your aunt aware of what you've found. If your mum was in this position and your aunt knew your dad was gay, wouldn't you be angry she never did anything to make her sister aware of that fact? He could have hiv and other stds and if your aunt was to contract an std because of your inaction you would feel guilty when you found out you could have prevented it
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Zechs
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(Original post by neal95)
You need to make your aunt aware of what you've found. If your mum was in this position and your aunt knew your dad was gay, wouldn't you be angry she never did anything to make her sister aware of that fact? He could have hiv and other stds and if your aunt was to contract an std because of your inaction you would feel guilty when you found out you could have prevented it
The sexual STD reason is the only reason I believe one should mention it but I really find it hard to believe that a partner doesn't know the others sexual orientation.
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Ciel.
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(Original post by Mancini)
The sexual STD reason is the only reason I believe one should mention it but I really find it hard to believe that a partner doesn't know the others sexual orientation.
Oh, you'd be surprised. I know a lot of older married gay guys. Their wives have no idea. I think it's mostly because of how bad the discrimination was 20 years ago or so..
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