Dating a guy with cerebral palsy?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#1
So, a guy approached me on the street and gave me his number. He seemed really polite and quite shy; I just accepted and put his number down on my phone. I didn't think of messaging him afterwards but I was curious because no one has ever approached me in that manner... It's usually the overconfident coc*y ones that do.

But, I was walking past him and took a glimpse- he had one crutch (by his right side). I only saw him walk for like 3 seconds. But the way he walked was quite strange and he was limping. So I searched it up- turns out its mild cerebral palsy. But the guy never really told me his condition... (well he didn't need to but would be nice to know).

Would it be rude to ask what his condition is? I know it but I want to hear it from him.
Also, would you guys date anyone disabled? Or does anyone have any experiences they'd like to share?

I feel like physically disabled people might be a bit sensitive when it comes to break-ups because to them, just finding one person to accept them is difficult. And I'm thinking- if this guy is not suited for me I might just befriend him or break up with him. He'll be my first and I'm just a bit unsure where this is going atm. I need some advice.
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Polka_Specs
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#2
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#2
Having a woman that you like text you back is a HUGE confidence boost , start talking to him and just see what happens.
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Anonymous #1
#3
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(Original post by Polka_Specs)
Having a woman that you like text you back is a HUGE confidence boost , start talking to him and just see what happens.
I've been texting him but he still hasn't explained his condition in full detail yet.
He seems quite insecure (confident enough to ask me out though).
I do kinda like him. But I can't help but say that his disability makes me overlook my feelings. There's certain things he can't do- climb the stairs etc.
But of course, it isn't severe. He can talk and converse with others lol. Maybe I'm being too judgemental.. the thing is I've also got a friend that was born with a disability that didn't show effect until a few years ago so she's started to use crutches. I don't want it to be a relationship that I'm stuck with because I pity him or I think it'll bring down his confidence... I'm kinda worried...
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claireestelle
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#4
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#4
(Original post by Anonymous)
I've been texting him but he still hasn't explained his condition in full detail yet.
He seems quite insecure (confident enough to ask me out though).
I do kinda like him. But I can't help but say that his disability makes me overlook my feelings. There's certain things he can't do- climb the stairs etc.
But of course, it isn't severe. He can talk and converse with others lol. Maybe I'm being too judgemental.. the thing is I've also got a friend that was born with a disability that didn't show effect until a few years ago so she's started to use crutches. I don't want it to be a relationship that I'm stuck with because I pity him or I think it'll bring down his confidence... I'm kinda worried...
Honestly I think you re seeing his disability too much and not seeing him as him. You say you don't want it to be a relationship you re stuck in so I don't think you should get into one with him with that attitude I m sorry.
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Man_Like_$
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#5
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#5
nah ur kinda deep on him jus cause the guys disabled u don't wanna go out wiv him nah wt ur deep.
Like who cares bout if hes disabled, imagine he was a normal guy would u go out wiv him
If u say yes then go out wiv him
If u say no don't go out wiv him. Truss me that boys get over crushes bare quick so yh up to u b
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Polka_Specs
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#6
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#6
(Original post by Anonymous)
I've been texting him but he still hasn't explained his condition in full detail yet.
He seems quite insecure (confident enough to ask me out though).
I do kinda like him. But I can't help but say that his disability makes me overlook my feelings. There's certain things he can't do- climb the stairs etc.
But of course, it isn't severe. He can talk and converse with others lol. Maybe I'm being too judgemental.. the thing is I've also got a friend that was born with a disability that didn't show effect until a few years ago so she's started to use crutches. I don't want it to be a relationship that I'm stuck with because I pity him or I think it'll bring down his confidence... I'm kinda worried...
If your not mature enough to accept him for the person who he is and judge him for impediments beyond his control , then don't play with his emotions.

Disabled people have feelings too you know.
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Clockrice
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#7
Report 4 years ago
#7
(Original post by Anonymous)
So, a guy approached me on the street and gave me his number. He seemed really polite and quite shy; I just accepted and put his number down on my phone. I didn't think of messaging him afterwards but I was curious because no one has ever approached me in that manner... It's usually the overconfident coc*y ones that do.

But, I was walking past him and took a glimpse- he had one crutch (by his right side). I only saw him walk for like 3 seconds. But the way he walked was quite strange and he was limping. So I searched it up- turns out its mild cerebral palsy. But the guy never really told me his condition... (well he didn't need to but would be nice to know).

Would it be rude to ask what his condition is? I know it but I want to hear it from him.
Also, would you guys date anyone disabled? Or does anyone have any experiences they'd like to share?

I feel like physically disabled people might be a bit sensitive when it comes to break-ups because to them, just finding one person to accept them is difficult. And I'm thinking- if this guy is not suited for me I might just befriend him or break up with him. He'll be my first and I'm just a bit unsure where this is going atm. I need some advice.
Hey, I have Cerebral Palsy. Not as bad as the guy who asked out though. Like I can't walk without any aids, I can go up and down stairs, carry things. I am just slower than normal because of fluctuating muscle tone which makes it harder to balance. It is basically where the signals between your brain and limbs are less developed because of being born too soon or having brain damage after you are born.

I will be honest he will be really self-conscious about it and worried you wouldn't like him because of it. What tends to happen is you forget about it at times so you have the confidence to do things, but as soon as someone asks or says something about it you feel really bad and become sort of defensive. It isn't that you are asking about it, it is that we want to forget about and be normal, so asking about it would be hard for him. Another thing don't try and help him with anything unless he asks you to help. As it makes us feel really weak and useless to be honest. What I would say is that you should just be upfront and say you want to get to know him better and want to know more about how the cerebral palsy affects him and his life, how it makes him feel and things like that. I think the hardest thing for you in a relationship would be that other people would say things to him or look at him, and you would care about him and get annoyed about it. And that would make you feel bad because you would just be upset about that. As for the confidence it comes and goes. You are confident in some things and not others. I wouldn't make much different in terms of a breakup though, other than think it must be because of the disability.

So I would say gently talk to him about it and see how he reacts. You can also PM me if you have any other direct questions for me.
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Clockrice
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#8
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#8
(Original post by Polka_Specs)
If your not mature enough to accept him for the person who he is and judge him for impediments beyond his control , then don't play with his emotions.

Disabled people have feelings too you know.
Don't be silly. She is being mature and trying to understand him more. What is immature about anything she said?
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nomophobia
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#9
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#9
(Original post by Anonymous)
So, a guy approached me on the street and gave me his number. He seemed really polite and quite shy; I just accepted and put his number down on my phone. I didn't think of messaging him afterwards but I was curious because no one has ever approached me in that manner... It's usually the overconfident coc*y ones that do.

But, I was walking past him and took a glimpse- he had one crutch (by his right side). I only saw him walk for like 3 seconds. But the way he walked was quite strange and he was limping. So I searched it up- turns out its mild cerebral palsy. But the guy never really told me his condition... (well he didn't need to but would be nice to know).

Would it be rude to ask what his condition is? I know it but I want to hear it from him.
Also, would you guys date anyone disabled? Or does anyone have any experiences they'd like to share?

I feel like physically disabled people might be a bit sensitive when it comes to break-ups because to them, just finding one person to accept them is difficult. And I'm thinking- if this guy is not suited for me I might just befriend him or break up with him. He'll be my first and I'm just a bit unsure where this is going atm. I need some advice.
Yes, I think it's rude to ask him about his condition - if he hasn't told you, it's because he doesn't want to tell you. And it's not because he doesn't like you or doesn't trust you, it's probably because he's insecure and self conscious about it (I have a disability too and there is no feeling worse than someone asking me about it - I just don't like it)

And idk why you're focusing so much on the fact that he's disabled - like the fact that he's disabled shouldn't stop you from dating him. To be frank, I think he deserves someone better than someone who is judging him on his disability and only thinks of him like that.

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Anonymous #1
#10
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#10
(Original post by nomophobia)
Yes, I think it's rude to ask him about his condition - if he hasn't told you, it's because he doesn't want to tell you. And it's not because he doesn't like you or doesn't trust you, it's probably because he's insecure and self conscious about it (I have a disability too and there is no feeling worse than someone asking me about it - I just don't like it)

And idk why you're focusing so much on the fact that he's disabled - like the fact that he's disabled shouldn't stop you from dating him. To be frank, I think he deserves someone better than someone who is judging him on his disability and only thinks of him like that.

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Okay.. maybe I'll let him tell in his own time.
I'm meeting up with him soon. I'm gonna try and look past it.
I have a friend that's also disabled. So I'm fully aware of the struggles that I might have with him- such as public dates- not every place is accessible for those disabled.

The thing is, he's already thinking about a long-term relationship with me whereas I'm just thinking of a short-term relationship since I want to experience more (is it wrong to think of having short term relationships (or flings) and then moving on to another one?). He's had a few past relationships but he seems insistent on future plans such as travelling.

(There's nothing wrong with that right? I just feel I might get his confidence down if I do say I want it to be short-term)
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Anonymous #1
#11
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#11
Hi there. Thanks. I'll be meeting up with him soon
I'll see how it goes.

(Original post by Clockrice)
Hey, I have Cerebral Palsy. Not as bad as the guy who asked out though. Like I can't walk without any aids, I can go up and down stairs, carry things. I am just slower than normal because of fluctuating muscle tone which makes it harder to balance. It is basically where the signals between your brain and limbs are less developed because of being born too soon or having brain damage after you are born.

I will be honest he will be really self-conscious about it and worried you wouldn't like him because of it. What tends to happen is you forget about it at times so you have the confidence to do things, but as soon as someone asks or says something about it you feel really bad and become sort of defensive. It isn't that you are asking about it, it is that we want to forget about and be normal, so asking about it would be hard for him. Another thing don't try and help him with anything unless he asks you to help. As it makes us feel really weak and useless to be honest. What I would say is that you should just be upfront and say you want to get to know him better and want to know more about how the cerebral palsy affects him and his life, how it makes him feel and things like that. I think the hardest thing for you in a relationship would be that other people would say things to him or look at him, and you would care about him and get annoyed about it. And that would make you feel bad because you would just be upset about that. As for the confidence it comes and goes. You are confident in some things and not others. I wouldn't make much different in terms of a breakup though, other than think it must be because of the disability.

So I would say gently talk to him about it and see how he reacts. You can also PM me if you have any other direct questions for me.
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Clockrice
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#12
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#12
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi there. Thanks. I'll be meeting up with him soon
I'll see how it goes.
Okay then. I hope it goes okay. However you should tell him you just want a short term relationship right now, nothing too serious. As you don't want to sting him along do you?
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Betelgeuse-
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#13
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#13
(Original post by Anonymous)
So, a guy approached me on the street and gave me his number. He seemed really polite and quite shy; I just accepted and put his number down on my phone. I didn't think of messaging him afterwards but I was curious because no one has ever approached me in that manner... It's usually the overconfident coc*y ones that do.

But, I was walking past him and took a glimpse- he had one crutch (by his right side). I only saw him walk for like 3 seconds. But the way he walked was quite strange and he was limping. So I searched it up- turns out its mild cerebral palsy. But the guy never really told me his condition... (well he didn't need to but would be nice to know).

Would it be rude to ask what his condition is? I know it but I want to hear it from him.
Also, would you guys date anyone disabled? Or does anyone have any experiences they'd like to share?

I feel like physically disabled people might be a bit sensitive when it comes to break-ups because to them, just finding one person to accept them is difficult. And I'm thinking- if this guy is not suited for me I might just befriend him or break up with him. He'll be my first and I'm just a bit unsure where this is going atm. I need some advice.
You could always just yano go grab a drink or a bite to eat with him.. i think thats the point of doing that when you encounter a potential romantic interest
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Chicken.M.
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#14
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#14
(Original post by Man_Like_$)
nah ur kinda deep on him jus cause the guys disabled u don't wanna go out wiv him nah wt ur deep.
Like who cares bout if hes disabled, imagine he was a normal guy would u go out wiv him
If u say yes then go out wiv him
If u say no don't go out wiv him. Truss me that boys get over crushes bare quick so yh up to u b
Well if she wants kids then her kids are gonna inherit them disability genes. I wouldn't lol.
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Clockrice
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#15
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#15
(Original post by ChickenMadness)
Well if she wants kids then her kids are gonna inherit them disability genes. I wouldn't lol.
There aren't Cerebral Palsy genes. :facepalm2:
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Chicken.M.
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#16
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#16
(Original post by Clockrice)
There aren't Cerebral Palsy genes. :facepalm2:
Alright then go for it OP.
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nomophobia
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#17
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#17
(Original post by Anonymous)
Okay.. maybe I'll let him tell in his own time.
I'm meeting up with him soon. I'm gonna try and look past it.
I have a friend that's also disabled. So I'm fully aware of the struggles that I might have with him- such as public dates- not every place is accessible for those disabled.

The thing is, he's already thinking about a long-term relationship with me whereas I'm just thinking of a short-term relationship since I want to experience more (is it wrong to think of having short term relationships (or flings) and then moving on to another one?). He's had a few past relationships but he seems insistent on future plans such as travelling.

(There's nothing wrong with that right? I just feel I might get his confidence down if I do say I want it to be short-term)
Good idea.

And definitely make it clear you just want a short term relationship- it wouldn't be fair on him if he thought he was in it for the long run and you were just stringing him along the whole time.

Hope all goes well!

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cambio wechsel
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#18
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#18
(Original post by ChickenMadness)
... her kids are gonna inherit them disability genes. I wouldn't lol.
I'd be more concerned about them bigoted idiot genes lol.
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ckfeister
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#19
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#19
(Original post by Man_Like_$)
nah ur kinda deep on him jus cause the guys disabled u don't wanna go out wiv him nah wt ur deep.
Like who cares bout if hes disabled, imagine he was a normal guy would u go out wiv him
If u say yes then go out wiv him
If u say no don't go out wiv him. Truss me that boys get over crushes bare quick so yh up to u b
Its natural selection, no one wants a faulty gene in their family.
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Tiger Rag
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#20
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#20
You have to let him tell you about his s condition in his own time. Personally, I don't like every conversation being about my disabilities. It gets boring after a while.
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