Bleedin Eck Im so.....

Lonely I guess is the best way to decribe things..
I guess to most this problem may seem rather pathetic or you may have heard it a thousand times, if so then I guess I'll apologise in advance :redface:

Basically I used to hang out in a group of 4 people, which was okay for me as I often found that the larger the group the more bitchy it could become so all was well. Basically all 4 of us were close, I was closer to 2 (lets call them A & B) and whilst I got on well with C but wasnt as close to her as the others.
After a while C stopped making as much effort and we didnt see her as much but then then out of the blue friend B started ignoring me.
Bearing in mind that Ive known friend B all of my life and we were extremely close, so I tried to talk to call, text etc etc and got nothing. Then I found out that Friend B has been bitching about me to everyone she had come into contact with, calling me over and basically telling everyone I was a bitch and neglected my friends for my man. (Which isnt true)
When I confronted B about this online it soon got nasty with B referring me to baggage she couldnt wait to get rid of amongst other things etc.
Fast 4ward a few months and apparently B has decided that after all this time of bitching about her friend of 15 years she has all of a sudden felt bad and her excuse was that she bitched about me was to "relieve stress". Bearing in mind all the people she has bitched to now give me stinking looks and I feel like they hate me as well. So even after that I decided to be mature and said even though I never wanted to bother again I would be civil.

However the thing is now I feel really isolated. Its only me a Friend A left really and I feel lonely. I have my bf who I have been hangin out with more because of this and also because I am moving away in sept to uni so want to spend more time 2gether. I know people will say " Dont worry about it you are starting uni in sept" bt I think yes but what about when I move back home for the holidays?? I'll go 4rm (hopefully) having lots of friends to having hardly any at all AGAIN! Then I start to worry that because Im not moving in till the end of the week at uni I may miss out a bit, and if everyone has already started to bother then I might not be myself because I will really want people to like me.
At home when I have gone out I have tried being friendly to people and outgoing to make an effort but a lot of the time the people I see out bother with Friend B and are therefore either really bitchy or ignore me completely.
I stay up my bfs most nights now and because of that have been labelled as a girl who forgets her friends and all that but what friends have I got exactly - 2 at the most??
I used to be independent and did have friends, now each weekend comes and unless I have Friend A (which is rare on a weekend because of other commitments) or another aquaintance then I am stuck in all weekend with no one to hang with.
What Friend B did to me made me feel low because that person made me feel like I was a very horrible person and made out to everyone I was. Im not as confident now I guess. Im looking 4ward to uni but if I do make some good friends that would be great but a) what if I dont? and b) how will Im manage when I come home?
I think that Friend B would want to bother with me again now but how could I bother with her again after what she did?

Reply 1

qubog

Wow, that was really long. I think you should give friend B another chance. I know i've bitched about friends for no good reasons just to get frustrations out (maybe not picking on one person on that particular scale though) and she was big enough to own up and apologise for it. Just don't let yourself get that close to her again, though.

Also, I wouldn't worry so much about what other people think of you because of what friend B said. Most people with half a brain should know that the way she was talking about you says more about her than you.

The only other thing I can say is that when you make friends in uni its not set in stone that you will never see them over the summer and its only two months, just spend time with your family and your boyfriend and the friends you do have. Its quality not quantity after all :smile:

Reply 2

prettygreeneyes99

What on earth was 'friend B' saying to make people dislike you so much?!
And as for the Uni thing, trust me alot of people dont tend to meet the people they are going to be friends with for the next three years in the first week. Your course wont have started properly so even if you feel that you've missed out on getting to know the people you live with you'll be in the same position as everyone else when it comes to getting to know the people on your course. As for the people back home, your friend who was being a bitch - she'll probably do it to someone else soon enough and generally, even if people dont realise this at first, people do get to know if someones a complete cow eventually. Also, you do tend to find that after a year of Uni people do grow up alot :smile:

ooo, you could also try getting to know the friend who you werent so close to a little better? Now you're not so 'wrapped up' with your other 2 friends you might find you get on with her better than you thought!

Reply 3

k-lee C

you could bother with her again because perhaps she was going through a really crappy time. exams and such just affect some people very badly! or there may have been other things you didn't know about. plus, if she felt that you spent more time with your boyfriend (whether or not you think this is true is kind of irrelevant - it's still how she felt) then perhaps she was also feeling lonely for a while.

just (and i promise i'm not saying this in a rude or flippant tone!) get over it. really try and get some perspective and remember how close you used to be to her and, whilst you may never be that close again, there must be a million reasons why you like her. cling to those rather than a grudge.

if nothing else, bother with her again because you have only a few weeks left and it would make for a quiet life for both you two and your other friends.

hope it all sorts itself out :smile:

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

As for Friend C - I have mades loads of effort with and so has my other friend, shes just not interested in making any effort and has apparently become totally boy orientated.
Friend B didnt have any problems at the time she started bitching about me so its not like she was stressed or whatever. She quite college ages ago and had no other worries at the time aside from turning up to work.
I just dont think I could go back to hanging out with her again, she changes her friends quite often and to be honest I know its a fault but I do have my pride and would not go back.
With Friend B I made a lot of effort to talk to her at first to sort things out but I got nothing, it took her six months to decide to apologise and when she did I heard the other girl she started bothering with doesnt bother with her anymore.

Reply 5

prettygreeneyes99

Hmm she doesnt sound like she's worth bothering about, I know one or two girls like that, and its just incredibly immature because in the end they're going to end up with no friends :rolleyes:

But seriously, dont worry about it, alot of things can change in a year, its pretty much impossible not to make friends at Uni so dont think you've really got anything to stress about there. Just try to concentrate on the next couple of months and not to far into the future, cos so much could change by the time you get round to the holidays!

Reply 6

k-lee C

hmm. she sounds a bit....confused. like i said, perhaps for a quiet life, it would be a good idea to ignore the elephant in the room and then just have little to do with her afterwards. she might genuinely have realised what an ass she's been, but if not, there's no point clinging on to someone you just don't like any more for the sake of not feeling lonely. it will just bring you far too much hassle!