Advice from Muslims, how do I find a husband/partner?

I'm a 23 year old revert to Islam and despite the hate and backlash I get from my own family, have decided to wear a headscarf and dress more conservatively.

However, I'm finding it very difficult going about finding a potential spouse. As a woman who covers, I find it very difficult to compete with women who don't cover.

It seems that even muslim men are more attracted to and go after women who do not wear a headcovering and such. The ones that would marry a woman who dresses like I do usually get married by means of an arranged marriage anyways, where potential partners are suggested by parents or happen within their own communities.

Should I just go back to dressing how I used to?

Reply 1

Mauryan

Network with other Muslims, meet new people, ask friends to help you out and last resort there are lots of Muslim dating sites. By the way wearing headscarf doesn't mean you let yourself go you can still wear make up and dress nice. I live in east London and most girls here wear headscarves but it doesn't stop them from getting interests from guys.

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Reply 2

Zamestaneh

Echoing what was said above, link with people from your local mosque and get the word out you are looking to get married. General words of advice: ensure that mosque/people you ask for help getting married have similar Aqeedah (beliefs) to you, so that way you marry someone who has the same outlook and isn't on some next level weird innovations. Look for someone who will be able to support you and help you grow in deen, and not have dodgy cultural expectations of you being a servant to your mother-in-law or something.

Re: Dating websites - be careful of which ones you use. There are some which are strict and halal, whereas other 'Muslim dating' sites encourage Haram and thus the quality of spouses on there is a lot lower. If you resort to using these websites, just ask on this thread and I will get back to you (because I forgot the name of the website which is meant to be decent).

Reply 3

notespad

To be honest, guys who are actively pursuing others purely based on their dress are probably the guys you wouldn't click with anyway? Stay true to you. Cover or don't cover - but it should be your choice, no?

For me and my friends, we just meet people through family/friends etc. For example, one of my friends recently got married at university. They worked together and hit it off, so didn't "date", but did the whole third person thing (i.e. one person goes with them for coffee, so they can chat about what they want in live/a date with another person there too).

I think you're also making huge generalisations about men who marry women who cover only going through arranged marriages. I don't know, it sounds quite stereotypical? I know what you mean, but every person is different (including Muslims). Tawakal, be true to yourself and God will have your back :smile:

In short: I think your dress should [for me anyway] have nothing to do with meeting and not meeting guys (aren't you dressing like that cos of God anyway? Not because of guys? Not in a judgemental way, but i feel societal pressures get us really confused). Also, don't be in such a hurry lol You're 23. If you really want to meet someone, then maybe ask friends/people "in the community" i.e. through your local charity circles (if you're involved in any) or pretty much any network (work/sports club/wherever)

Reply 4

5 More Hours

Original post by Zamestaneh

Salafi alert, run for your lives

Reply 5

Galadrielll

It is possible to find a husband with your clothes! Don't barter your modesty just to attract a docuhe. You know very well that wearing skimpy clothes and not covering your hair is going to attract non-muslim or bad muslim attention which is not the halal way.

I say if God has marriage in the works for you a partner will find you. If not then that's not God's intention for you. Now asking whether you should disrobe in order to find a man is downright illogical if you're a practicing Muslim.

Reply 6

RosyPearl

Original post by Anonymous

Those who don't cover will attract guys who are interested in their looks, a God fearing Muslim will want a woman who is God fearing too. You want to attract the kind of guy who wants you for your good character and a guy that brings you closer to Allah. Don't be let down when you see others getting into relationships, your time will come because it's part of his divine plan. Just practice being the best version of yourself and have a good faith in Allah through prayers ect and trust me the guy will come when you are least expecting it.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 7

geniequeen48

Alif and ain seems really good. It's a strict "dating" halal website, I have seen two good lookin guys from youtube who are on point with deen and character get married that way.

Why only muslim men?

Original post by Anonymous

Why only muslim men?

It is her dealbreaker as a religious woman committed to an orthodox or fundamentalist interpretation of islam.
My friend is a fundamentalist christian with an almost identical marriage dealbreaker.
I'm a secular woman who supports interfaith marriage and has a "no religious hardliners" dating dealbreaker.

Reply 10

Anonymous #2

Original post by londonmyst

Thanks, I never knew that. I can understand maybe they want a similar person to them

Reply 11

Mudafmudafilaih

Original post by Anonymous

Thanks, I never knew that. I can understand maybe they want a similar person to them

No actually, it is because in islam a muslim woman should marry a muslim man. Any muslim saying the contrary is going by western ideals, not islamic ones. In Islam men are seen as a leader or guide of the family, therefore to maintain a good islamic family the husband should be muslim. For muslim men too, they should marry muslim women but as usual for men, they think this rule is bendy for them.