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Sex in a relationship: necessary or not?

I would like to be in a relationship one day (I'm in college right now so maybe when I'm in uni) but I'm asexual. I have zero interest in sex, and to put it bluntly I find the whole thing pretty gross. I get that people do it and enjoy it, but I would never want to do it myself. Do you think this would be a problem when entering a relationship? Would you personally enter a long-term relationship with someone knowing that sex wouldn't be a part of it?

(I'm a gay woman btw so any advice from other lesbians would be appreciated)

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Original post by LailaLiquorice
I would like to be in a relationship one day (I'm in college right now so maybe when I'm in uni) but I'm asexual. I have zero interest in sex, and to put it bluntly I find the whole thing pretty gross. I get that people do it and enjoy it, but I would never want to do it myself. Do you think this would be a problem when entering a relationship? Would you personally enter a long-term relationship with someone knowing that sex wouldn't be a part of it?

(I'm a gay woman btw so any advice from other lesbians would be appreciated)


how can you be sexually attractive to females if you feel no sexual attraction
Reply 2
A relationship without sex can definitely work but only if both parties are ok with that arrangement. Some people might be happy enough with only having affection such as hugging/kissing, others may feel that sex is absolutely a part of a relationship and no relationship can live without it on some level and others may not actually know what they think until they are put in a situation where sex isn't available in a relationship. It will be very much trial and error to find someone who is ok with no to limited sexual contact but in this day and age, it may be a bit difficult but it wont be impossible to find someone who feels the same way you do.
Original post by CraigBackner
how can you be sexually attractive to females if you feel no sexual attraction


Romantic attraction and sexual attraction are not the same. I am romantically attracted to females, but experience no sexual attraction.
Reply 4
What made you a lesbian?
Original post by slade p
What made you a lesbian?


If you mean what made you a lesbian as opposed to straight, then there isn't really an answer? I'm gay, that's just who I am.

If you just mean why am I a lesbian, I suppose it's the same reason why straight guys are straight. I just find women beautiful and attractive, and I'd like to be in a relationship with a woman one day.
Reply 6
Original post by LailaLiquorice
If you mean what made you a lesbian as opposed to straight, then there isn't really an answer? I'm gay, that's just who I am.

If you just mean why am I a lesbian, I suppose it's the same reason why straight guys are straight. I just find women beautiful and attractive, and I'd like to be in a relationship with a woman one day.


Ok nice, which ethnicity of girls you like most?
Original post by slade p
Ok nice, which ethnicity of girls you like most?


I've got no preference. I've had crushes on two good friends in the past, one was white british (same as me) and the other was indonesian. I value personality much more than looks.
Original post by Spock's Socks
A relationship without sex can definitely work but only if both parties are ok with that arrangement. Some people might be happy enough with only having affection such as hugging/kissing, others may feel that sex is absolutely a part of a relationship and no relationship can live without it on some level and others may not actually know what they think until they are put in a situation where sex isn't available in a relationship. It will be very much trial and error to find someone who is ok with no to limited sexual contact but in this day and age, it may be a bit difficult but it wont be impossible to find someone who feels the same way you do.


Thank you so much, that's really helpful :smile:
Reply 9
It is definitely down to what your partner thinks also. You would need to find someone who is also gay and asexual which could be tough, but there are millions of girls out there. Today's society is heavily about sex
it's not absolutely necessary, but if it is explicitly off limits in the relationship, the necessary level of respect for the other person just wouldn't be there if they're not going to do something as unproblematic as sex.
if I'm with her

there needs to be SEX.

Yes, children.

SEX.


S

E


X.
The truth is that the vast majority of people will want sex to be a part of a relationship. You're not a 1 in a million freak of nature - there are other asexuals and there will be other asexual lesbians - but you will have to accept being in a significant minority.
The only way I could see your relationship working is if you enter it with another asexual person. Otherwise I think she would eventually get frustrated at not getting her needs met, and the relationship would break down or she would cheat on you to fulfil her needs.
(edited 7 years ago)
Woman dating another woman here. We're both sexually attracted to each other, but don't have sex regularly (maybe 2-3 times in the last year), and we've been together for 4 years. I have a much higher libido than she does - I could have sex daily, but I don't and I don't mind that. It works for us because we love each other, because I'd rather stay with her and have less sex than be with someone else, and because she'd understand if I wanted or needed more sexual contact - even if that means with someone other than her. I suppose we have an open relationship, but neither of us has actually had sexual contact with someone else while we've been together. If you do date a non-ace lesbian, I'd suggest having "the sex talk" when things are getting serious - maybe she'll be okay with no sex in a serious relationship, maybe she won't. Maybe you'll need to work out an alternate arrangement - like an open relationship. It's also entirely possible that you'll find another ace lesbian, so try not to worry too much!
Original post by Anonymous
Woman dating another woman here. We're both sexually attracted to each other, but don't have sex regularly (maybe 2-3 times in the last year), and we've been together for 4 years. I have a much higher libido than she does - I could have sex daily, but I don't and I don't mind that. It works for us because we love each other, because I'd rather stay with her and have less sex than be with someone else, and because she'd understand if I wanted or needed more sexual contact - even if that means with someone other than her. I suppose we have an open relationship, but neither of us has actually had sexual contact with someone else while we've been together. If you do date a non-ace lesbian, I'd suggest having "the sex talk" when things are getting serious - maybe she'll be okay with no sex in a serious relationship, maybe she won't. Maybe you'll need to work out an alternate arrangement - like an open relationship. It's also entirely possible that you'll find another ace lesbian, so try not to worry too much!


That's really great, thank you so much! :smile:
Original post by LailaLiquorice
I would like to be in a relationship one day (I'm in college right now so maybe when I'm in uni) but I'm asexual. I have zero interest in sex, and to put it bluntly I find the whole thing pretty gross. I get that people do it and enjoy it, but I would never want to do it myself. Do you think this would be a problem when entering a relationship? Would you personally enter a long-term relationship with someone knowing that sex wouldn't be a part of it?

(I'm a gay woman btw so any advice from other lesbians would be appreciated)
That's like being a vegan who likes steak.
For me, yes...definitely.

For others, not so much.

Communicate needs = Reach understanding. :smile:
Original post by LailaLiquorice
I would like to be in a relationship one day (I'm in college right now so maybe when I'm in uni) but I'm asexual. I have zero interest in sex, and to put it bluntly I find the whole thing pretty gross. I get that people do it and enjoy it, but I would never want to do it myself. Do you think this would be a problem when entering a relationship? Would you personally enter a long-term relationship with someone knowing that sex wouldn't be a part of it?

(I'm a gay woman btw so any advice from other lesbians would be appreciated)


I'm 20 and waiting till marriage yes it's possible.
You'll find someone who is happy being in a relationship without sex one day- but make sure you tell them about your asexuality quite early on the relationship so that they don't end up building up expectations and getting upset/annoyed if they end up finding out the hard way :smile:

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