The Student Room Group

I cant cope at home anymore and it is putting alot of stress on myself; please help.

Im just in a very bad place and currently doing A Levels, but im struggling to cope with anything anymore, especially at home.
Two years ago, i self-harmed. Last March I also took an overdose, well attempted. I was going through a lot and seen this as a stress reliever. Life at home isnt like any other happy family, it's outrageous if you ask me. My father and myself espeically don't get on well.. once I explain you will understand why.
My father? I dont see him as a top notch father figure. All he ever does is put me down, insult me, go out of his own way to make me feel horrible, emotionally and sometimes physically. Yes, Physical Abuse is what im talking about. None of this just started recently; its been more like on-going for approximately four years. Two years ago I brought the Social Services into my house, mainly because I wanted to try and fix things and build a strong relationship between myself and my dad, but that obviously didnt work out in the long term. He got put out of the house for a few weeks until they felt like things were getting better. He has physically and mentally abused us in the past and i was just trying to put a stop to it, but apparently all ive done according to my family is destroy everything and ruin relationships.
We havent really been on the best of terms and, as always I'm seen as the black sheep. Yes most would say thats only me thinking that, but they have guilt tripped me to believe all the arguements and fights caused in my house is all because of me and my attitude. I understand most teenagers like myself have attitudes; but do we really deserve to be physically abused by our parents? Even if it's something as minor? Such as Cleaning? My mother can be very easily agitated with us and cleaning, its like its never up to her standards but myself and my siblings do try our best. However, my mother is scared of my dad. It's obvious because so am I. I see s,going to chool during the week as an escape and would even stay after school for an extra two hours because I would be terrified to come home because i never know what to expect. Is this the way it should be for me?
Its gotten to the point where i just want to leave. My parents are literally driving me insane. Im depressed, Anxious, Stressed! I'm very grateful because of what ive been provided with by my father, if one thing hes a great provider. However, thats the problem. He's so caught up on his work and his job, he would usualy take his anger and stress out on his family and not show any affection. If anything, he would try and buy our affection back with gifts using money, but I dont stand for it. I've noticed that much to say the least.
Just two nights ago (Boxing Night) i got the shock of my life. I was scarred. My father slapped my sister. Obviously i dont stand for that so i was off with him for the whole evening. Just before we all sat at the table (and can i just mention, my fathers anger is hard to control, he can give but he cannot take.) he was in the middle of fixing a fireplace and happened to have a screwdriver in his hand. Since i was stil a bit angry at him i wasnt the most polite to him. He got very agitated and he charged for me. I stood my ground because, well I didnt expect him to hurt me even though he hurt me in the past; but he attempted without hesitation to slice my arm with a screwdriver, and he did succeed. Currently I am sitting with a nasty scar on my arm, reminded of what my father is actually capable of. After his successful attempt, i was terrified so i ran up to my room. He then followed suit, but then since of my anger and defensiveness; i called him a "B*****d". He told me to get out of the house so I ran for my life. I had my phone so I tried calling everyone i knew whilst running up my driveway but he kept grabbing me and tried throwing me to the ground but I got out of his grip and ran straight up the road and hid in a field, which they found me in an hour later.
Im scared. This has been going on for too long and its time my cry for help is heard. I cant cope in my own house! I feel unsafe, threatened, unwanted, cause of detoriation within my family.
What do i do? I can't stay in my house any longer, even though when im eighteen in the next upcoming 5 months, I need out now. What do i do? Where do I go? Im going insane and im starting to give up on hope. I can barely focus on my A Levels anymore because of all thats occuring at home.
Please can somebody hear and answer my cry for help, I cant take this pain anymore I want it all to end.
Original post by Anonymous
Im just in a very bad place and currently doing A Levels, but im struggling to cope with anything anymore, especially at home.
Two years ago, i self-harmed. Last March I also took an overdose, well attempted. I was going through a lot and seen this as a stress reliever. Life at home isnt like any other happy family, it's outrageous if you ask me. My father and myself espeically don't get on well.. once I explain you will understand why.
My father? I dont see him as a top notch father figure. All he ever does is put me down, insult me, go out of his own way to make me feel horrible, emotionally and sometimes physically. Yes, Physical Abuse is what im talking about. None of this just started recently; its been more like on-going for approximately four years. Two years ago I brought the Social Services into my house, mainly because I wanted to try and fix things and build a strong relationship between myself and my dad, but that obviously didnt work out in the long term. He got put out of the house for a few weeks until they felt like things were getting better. He has physically and mentally abused us in the past and i was just trying to put a stop to it, but apparently all ive done according to my family is destroy everything and ruin relationships.
We havent really been on the best of terms and, as always I'm seen as the black sheep. Yes most would say thats only me thinking that, but they have guilt tripped me to believe all the arguements and fights caused in my house is all because of me and my attitude. I understand most teenagers like myself have attitudes; but do we really deserve to be physically abused by our parents? Even if it's something as minor? Such as Cleaning? My mother can be very easily agitated with us and cleaning, its like its never up to her standards but myself and my siblings do try our best. However, my mother is scared of my dad. It's obvious because so am I. I see s,going to chool during the week as an escape and would even stay after school for an extra two hours because I would be terrified to come home because i never know what to expect. Is this the way it should be for me?
Its gotten to the point where i just want to leave. My parents are literally driving me insane. Im depressed, Anxious, Stressed! I'm very grateful because of what ive been provided with by my father, if one thing hes a great provider. However, thats the problem. He's so caught up on his work and his job, he would usualy take his anger and stress out on his family and not show any affection. If anything, he would try and buy our affection back with gifts using money, but I dont stand for it. I've noticed that much to say the least.
Just two nights ago (Boxing Night) i got the shock of my life. I was scarred. My father slapped my sister. Obviously i dont stand for that so i was off with him for the whole evening. Just before we all sat at the table (and can i just mention, my fathers anger is hard to control, he can give but he cannot take.) he was in the middle of fixing a fireplace and happened to have a screwdriver in his hand. Since i was stil a bit angry at him i wasnt the most polite to him. He got very agitated and he charged for me. I stood my ground because, well I didnt expect him to hurt me even though he hurt me in the past; but he attempted without hesitation to slice my arm with a screwdriver, and he did succeed. Currently I am sitting with a nasty scar on my arm, reminded of what my father is actually capable of. After his successful attempt, i was terrified so i ran up to my room. He then followed suit, but then since of my anger and defensiveness; i called him a "B*****d". He told me to get out of the house so I ran for my life. I had my phone so I tried calling everyone i knew whilst running up my driveway but he kept grabbing me and tried throwing me to the ground but I got out of his grip and ran straight up the road and hid in a field, which they found me in an hour later.
Im scared. This has been going on for too long and its time my cry for help is heard. I cant cope in my own house! I feel unsafe, threatened, unwanted, cause of detoriation within my family.
What do i do? I can't stay in my house any longer, even though when im eighteen in the next upcoming 5 months, I need out now. What do i do? Where do I go? Im going insane and im starting to give up on hope. I can barely focus on my A Levels anymore because of all thats occuring at home.
Please can somebody hear and answer my cry for help, I cant take this pain anymore I want it all to end.


Hey. Have you thought about calling social services again, so they can take you to a different council house or student housing? Also PM me if you ever want to vent to someone. I am always here to listen. :smile: Are you a man? I think you have acted correctly and your dad is the problem. So you need to get away from him soon as possible for your own sake.
(edited 7 years ago)
Reply 2
Original post by ilikechinesefood
Hey. Have you thought about calling social services again, so they can take you to a different council house or student housing? Also PM me if you ever want to vent to someone. I am always here to listen. :smile: Are you a man? I think you have acted correctly and your dad is the problem. So you need to get away from him soon as possible for your own sake.


I have thought about doing that again yes, but the thing is I get threatened if i do, also my other siblings feel embarassed when they come into our home. I get the blame for ruining everything. And thankyou very much for that offer. I want to get away from him so bad but i have no idea how. Im so lost.
Original post by Anonymous
Im just in a very bad place and currently doing A Levels, but im struggling to cope with anything anymore, especially at home.
Two years ago, i self-harmed. Last March I also took an overdose, well attempted. I was going through a lot and seen this as a stress reliever. Life at home isnt like any other happy family, it's outrageous if you ask me. My father and myself espeically don't get on well.. once I explain you will understand why.
My father? I dont see him as a top notch father figure. All he ever does is put me down, insult me, go out of his own way to make me feel horrible, emotionally and sometimes physically. Yes, Physical Abuse is what im talking about. None of this just started recently; its been more like on-going for approximately four years. Two years ago I brought the Social Services into my house, mainly because I wanted to try and fix things and build a strong relationship between myself and my dad, but that obviously didnt work out in the long term. He got put out of the house for a few weeks until they felt like things were getting better. He has physically and mentally abused us in the past and i was just trying to put a stop to it, but apparently all ive done according to my family is destroy everything and ruin relationships.
We havent really been on the best of terms and, as always I'm seen as the black sheep. Yes most would say thats only me thinking that, but they have guilt tripped me to believe all the arguements and fights caused in my house is all because of me and my attitude. I understand most teenagers like myself have attitudes; but do we really deserve to be physically abused by our parents? Even if it's something as minor? Such as Cleaning? My mother can be very easily agitated with us and cleaning, its like its never up to her standards but myself and my siblings do try our best. However, my mother is scared of my dad. It's obvious because so am I. I see s,going to chool during the week as an escape and would even stay after school for an extra two hours because I would be terrified to come home because i never know what to expect. Is this the way it should be for me?
Its gotten to the point where i just want to leave. My parents are literally driving me insane. Im depressed, Anxious, Stressed! I'm very grateful because of what ive been provided with by my father, if one thing hes a great provider. However, thats the problem. He's so caught up on his work and his job, he would usualy take his anger and stress out on his family and not show any affection. If anything, he would try and buy our affection back with gifts using money, but I dont stand for it. I've noticed that much to say the least.
Just two nights ago (Boxing Night) i got the shock of my life. I was scarred. My father slapped my sister. Obviously i dont stand for that so i was off with him for the whole evening. Just before we all sat at the table (and can i just mention, my fathers anger is hard to control, he can give but he cannot take.) he was in the middle of fixing a fireplace and happened to have a screwdriver in his hand. Since i was stil a bit angry at him i wasnt the most polite to him. He got very agitated and he charged for me. I stood my ground because, well I didnt expect him to hurt me even though he hurt me in the past; but he attempted without hesitation to slice my arm with a screwdriver, and he did succeed. Currently I am sitting with a nasty scar on my arm, reminded of what my father is actually capable of. After his successful attempt, i was terrified so i ran up to my room. He then followed suit, but then since of my anger and defensiveness; i called him a "B*****d". He told me to get out of the house so I ran for my life. I had my phone so I tried calling everyone i knew whilst running up my driveway but he kept grabbing me and tried throwing me to the ground but I got out of his grip and ran straight up the road and hid in a field, which they found me in an hour later.
Im scared. This has been going on for too long and its time my cry for help is heard. I cant cope in my own house! I feel unsafe, threatened, unwanted, cause of detoriation within my family.
What do i do? I can't stay in my house any longer, even though when im eighteen in the next upcoming 5 months, I need out now. What do i do? Where do I go? Im going insane and im starting to give up on hope. I can barely focus on my A Levels anymore because of all thats occuring at home.
Please can somebody hear and answer my cry for help, I cant take this pain anymore I want it all to end.

You should probs go to the police with that recent event- if not for yourself but for your siblings. I suggest taking a gap year from A levels to sort everythibg out and reach a more stable position to study etc.
Ahh, so sorry to hear you going through all that 😐 I'm sorry I haven't got any practical advice to offer you regarding council housing, social services or the like. I never sought outside help for abuse I experienced at home but I did get my A-Levels done and sort of got away when I started university.

I know how you feel though with being the black sheep, feeling unwanted, and just having to live in an atmosphere of fear because you never know where the next thing was coming from. Feel free to PM me, if it helps.
Reply 5
Hey, I agree if possible you could get in touch with social service or someone from your school/college.
I was sort of in a similar situation when I was doing my alevels but not to your extreme of physical abuse. I was also very depressed but I learnt to ignore my parents and cope with it. I avoided aggravating or speaking back to them. Hanging out with friends helped too. Personally, passing my alevels was my only way out and moving to university helped a lot. You can also take a gap year, get a job and move out. It will be very hard but worth it.

I used to wish so hard I had different parents or even no parents at all and sometimes I still do. However life goes on and I have realised not having a good relationship with parents is not the end all. Sometimes, you just can't reason with people and you may never be able to change them. This does put you at a disadvantage from others but you have to stay strong and not let your parents affect your mental wellbeing. Just throw your parents out of the picture.
However, if you do have to live with them, in order to diffuse the situation you have to pretend to be something you are not and just agree to what they say but learn to not take it personally. It's sort of like living a double life if that makes sense. Obviously this is not the most ideal situation but this is how I have managed to escape.

I would say please stay strong and hang in there no matter what.
Original post by Anonymous
Im just in a very bad place and currently doing A Levels, but im struggling to cope with anything anymore, especially at home.
Two years ago, i self-harmed. Last March I also took an overdose, well attempted. I was going through a lot and seen this as a stress reliever. Life at home isnt like any other happy family, it's outrageous if you ask me. My father and myself espeically don't get on well.. once I explain you will understand why.
My father? I dont see him as a top notch father figure. All he ever does is put me down, insult me, go out of his own way to make me feel horrible, emotionally and sometimes physically. Yes, Physical Abuse is what im talking about. None of this just started recently; its been more like on-going for approximately four years. Two years ago I brought the Social Services into my house, mainly because I wanted to try and fix things and build a strong relationship between myself and my dad, but that obviously didnt work out in the long term. He got put out of the house for a few weeks until they felt like things were getting better. He has physically and mentally abused us in the past and i was just trying to put a stop to it, but apparently all ive done according to my family is destroy everything and ruin relationships.
We havent really been on the best of terms and, as always I'm seen as the black sheep. Yes most would say thats only me thinking that, but they have guilt tripped me to believe all the arguements and fights caused in my house is all because of me and my attitude. I understand most teenagers like myself have attitudes; but do we really deserve to be physically abused by our parents? Even if it's something as minor? Such as Cleaning? My mother can be very easily agitated with us and cleaning, its like its never up to her standards but myself and my siblings do try our best. However, my mother is scared of my dad. It's obvious because so am I. I see s,going to chool during the week as an escape and would even stay after school for an extra two hours because I would be terrified to come home because i never know what to expect. Is this the way it should be for me?
Its gotten to the point where i just want to leave. My parents are literally driving me insane. Im depressed, Anxious, Stressed! I'm very grateful because of what ive been provided with by my father, if one thing hes a great provider. However, thats the problem. He's so caught up on his work and his job, he would usualy take his anger and stress out on his family and not show any affection. If anything, he would try and buy our affection back with gifts using money, but I dont stand for it. I've noticed that much to say the least.
Just two nights ago (Boxing Night) i got the shock of my life. I was scarred. My father slapped my sister. Obviously i dont stand for that so i was off with him for the whole evening. Just before we all sat at the table (and can i just mention, my fathers anger is hard to control, he can give but he cannot take.) he was in the middle of fixing a fireplace and happened to have a screwdriver in his hand. Since i was stil a bit angry at him i wasnt the most polite to him. He got very agitated and he charged for me. I stood my ground because, well I didnt expect him to hurt me even though he hurt me in the past; but he attempted without hesitation to slice my arm with a screwdriver, and he did succeed. Currently I am sitting with a nasty scar on my arm, reminded of what my father is actually capable of. After his successful attempt, i was terrified so i ran up to my room. He then followed suit, but then since of my anger and defensiveness; i called him a "B*****d". He told me to get out of the house so I ran for my life. I had my phone so I tried calling everyone i knew whilst running up my driveway but he kept grabbing me and tried throwing me to the ground but I got out of his grip and ran straight up the road and hid in a field, which they found me in an hour later.
Im scared. This has been going on for too long and its time my cry for help is heard. I cant cope in my own house! I feel unsafe, threatened, unwanted, cause of detoriation within my family.
What do i do? I can't stay in my house any longer, even though when im eighteen in the next upcoming 5 months, I need out now. What do i do? Where do I go? Im going insane and im starting to give up on hope. I can barely focus on my A Levels anymore because of all thats occuring at home.
Please can somebody hear and answer my cry for help, I cant take this pain anymore I want it all to end.



Sorry I missed this from two days ago.

Your options are

1. Go back home and keep quiet. You shouldnt antagonise or answer back because you just got the result. Its his house. Sirvive- do your A levels get to Uni and you will have much more independence,

2. Call a halt and bring back social services, although you could see them on the quiet and you cna ask to be moved into a hostel which will be awat from them, but thats calling time on your famly and any support. You ahve to be ready to move. Whilsy you are under 18 the LA have a duty to rehouse you, but if you reach 18 they have no duty, so make your mind up. Do recognise this may mean a permanet split from your family. You cna still go to uni but you will have to apply as being estranged for sfe.

3. Call childline.

4. is there any relative or grandparent you could stay with?

You have to decide in your own head whether you cna or will put up with it or you are prepared to cross the bridge and leave your family. maube you could see the social worker like last time, but go back and pack your stuff so you cna move everything you need. Lots of people dont have perfect families, just survive and do your A levels.

If you wnat out then you can get help for a place in a hostel if you are ready for it.
I'm sorry to hear you are going to though this. :frown:

Like many other people here, I went through the same situation at your age during my a levels. And it never stopped. Even now at 23, I had to finally cut off ties with my family because the behaviour hadn't changed since I was 16 and I was sick of being treated like that and told it was "okay" and "normal for families to fight".

The black sheep feeling is quite normal too, why would these people recognise it's an issue if there the ones putting you through it? Your the one standing up and saying "this isn't normal" and people don't like a reality check when it comes to abuse. Just keep reminding yourself this isn't normal. And your only being black sheeped because they can't admit to themselves this is an abusive household. This will happen someday, but don't stick around with that hope it will.

Try and get in touch with people you can potentially stay with and inform your college/sixth form so they can start putting things in place and be more accommodating to during studying hours.

Even a friend or a family member for a bit. It might feel horrible at first to be away from the family home, but soon the relief of being away from all that kicks in and you start to feel a lot more positive about life.

My biggest regret of my teenage years was not putting a stop to the abuse when it first started. I let it carry on through my A levels and even into University. It wasn't until I was an adult I was able to say enough is enough. And that was from the support of friends &a work colleagues after being abused until the early hours and breaking down at work.

Also if you are with a GP, I would suggest speaking to them if you haven't already. They can offer conseulling and medication to help you over the course of your recovery from all this.
You have been through hell. I am so sorry for your pain. Please get in touch with your GP to help with your mood. They can refer you to psychotherapy and also liaise with social services.

Also, what you have written about your father is awful. The best way to get out is to call the police, report his violent and abusive conduct. His behaviour is atrocious and criminal. Please don't feel guilty about this, and don't give your father any more chances. Reach out for help (preferably the police) so that you and the rest of your family can stop living in fear. You can make this better- please take the brave step and reach out for help.
(edited 7 years ago)
Hey sorry to hear what you are going through. I have been through the similar situation but not to the physical extreme like yours:frown:

I was doing my A-levels too when it got worst and trust me it really affected my grades and I didn't get into my first university choice but I made it to my second choice.

First question, what year are you in? Year 12 or 13? If you are in year 13 here are your options

Option 1,

Go and speak to the social service or someone you trust at your school or collage( my school was aware of what I was going through so they understood when I did not turn up for class and they also made me sit some of my exams in another room by myself so I could take me time to answer them). Since you are under 18, social service will offer you accommodation but remember the day you hit 18 year old, they will leave you completely so you would have to go and claim housing benefit, job seekers allowance etc( which is what I had to do since I was estranged 2 weeks before my 18th birthday)

Option 2

if you are in year 13, my dear you only have a few months left and going to uni will be your best escape so I would say just stay really quiet like don't talk back at him and avoid being home as much as you can just so you can last until you move to uni in sept. You can stay much longer after school to do your home or study for your exams. On the weekend you can make excess and go to the public library to study. Go out some days and spend time with your friends. When you are home try and stay in your bedroom most of them time and be polit and say hi to your parents when they are at home just for the sake of it

If you are in year 13 honestly just try your hardest and make it to sept once you go to university you will be so independent you won't even have to come back home during holiday however it will be hard when everyone is leaving to go home and you have nowhere to go( I have cried many times at uni around holiday time)

Another thing to keep in mind is if you decide to leave your parents now, make sure local authority is aware of it because when it comes to applying for study finance you will have to provide evidence that you are estranged from your parents in a letter written by someone like social services but if you know your parents will still be willing to provide their income details to student finance then that's finance( in my case my university fought my for me before sf could agree that I'm estranged )

I wish you all the best and I pray that things get better for you at home so that you can focus on your A-levels.
Reply 10
There is always the option of moving out. Find the nearest YMCA office or a Routes office, any place that supports young people. Just go in when it's open and ask to talk to someone.

I was in a similar situation although it was mostly psychological abuse. I was miserable, would spend most of my day at college just so that I wouldn't have to go home and deal with it, would even just sit outside in a park alone to avoid it. My mate lived at YMCA since he was 16 so I talked to him and went to them myself.

I was at the point of just getting a job and quitting A levels just so that I could move out even though I always wanted to go to university.

I talked to the staff and they managed to get me an ensuite room at one of their accommodations, helped me sort out everything I needed and claim benefits so that I could continue my studies.

Normally you wouldn't be able to claim them as a student but you can if you don't have parental support and live on your own and it's not university level qualification.

So I did that, didn't get a lot of money but it was enough to live by and I was out of that house. I managed to get my course done and am now at university. It was stressful but I would do it all over again if I had to because when you get out of it, you realise how bad it truly was.
So sorry you are going through this.

Call Social services again and tell them what is happening. Also call the police to tell them about your father's behavior.

You do not deserved to be physically, emotionally abused like that and live in fear of your father. Consult your local GP and they can refer you to a psychiatrist.

I agree with the above poster, go to the nearest YMCA or routes office and tell them what is going on.

Once you are 18, you can move out to uni.

If you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me :smile:.
Hey, stay strong dearie. While you're under his roof, stay quiet and try your best to get out of his way. If you have a friend or relative you can lay low with, I'd suggest that. Don't forget to talk to friends. I have a strict father too. When he lived with us he left for work early in the morning and came home late at night, so I didn't really deal with him on the weekdays. I hated the weekends though. He was always home, and I would avoid him like the plague. I just avoided conversation (particularly asking questions) so arguments wouldn't break out. If you ever need to talk you can PM me (and anyone else that's replied to your thread). Good luck <3
I think the best option is to stay quiet, Try to finish your A levels best as you possibly can. Get all the good grades, go to UNI and never give up. We have all been in the same spot, some more than the others
If it is still really bad, maybe seek professional help? Stress put me in a really really bad place and long story short I have professional help now and it might help you too?
God I really hope you got out of this situation OP. Please if you haven't already - speak to a tutor at school and find a way of moving out ASAP. No one should have to suffer this in silence. I grew up with an alcoholic father and it made my childhood hell - thankfully he was never physically violent but I know of the mental scars that type of dysfunction can leave you with. Just get out soon and don't look back - talk to someone at school please.

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