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    (i'm posting as anonymous because friends use this site.)

    there's a situation with my best friend and i don't know how to go about it.

    i have this one best friend, and she means the world to me. i find it really hard to open up to people, but with her i feel i can. she makes me really happy and i'm so grateful for this friendship. anyway the thing is that whereas for me, she is possibly the single most important person in my life, and no one could come close to her in terms of the bond we have, she tells me she has 3 best friends, and that each one of us has 'their own special place'.

    and i feel so strongly that i love her (as a friend) so much more than she loves me in return, and this past month has been really emotionally hard for me.

    i thought that perhaps we have different views of what a best friend is/should be. for me, i think that you have one best friend, a person that your closest to, and are happen to be with just them, but for her she has a few best friends and prefers to do things with lots of people.
    and so i thought maybe i should just let go.

    but i'm not sure. i know i should tell her but i just feel like its hard to put what i feel into words, and i hope i dont sound selfish. it's not that i dont want her to have other friends.

    i would really appreciate any advice.
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    How about showing her how greatful you are for her friendship?- like taking her out or making something (my best friend made me the cutest photobook of when we were little). Because I am at a different school from my friend it is understandable we both have school 'bestfriends' but she will always be my childhood friend. So, like your friend said, you can have more than one bestfriend with their own 'place'. I doubt she thinks of you any less than you think of her.
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    I'd say that yes it's possible to have just one 'best friend'. But for me it is a bit playgroundish, I prefer to think that I have several 'closest friends' like the friend the OP is referring to. The reason is each person does have their strengths and weaknesses. For instance someone can be really good to go out with and have fun with; but not as good as another friend in really having deep intimate conversations and building an emotional rapport.

    I think you shouldn't worry because different people have different ways of showing their affection and love for their friends. I'm sure she loves you mutually, but just doesn't show it as much. There's loads of pople I can think of that I love but probably don't reflect this affection in my actions and words.
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    I wouldn't let go cos you may end up really miserable after you've done it.
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    I'm really close to my best friend, but you have to appreciate that some people have different wants and needs, personally I prefer to have 'quality rather than quantity' when it comes to friends, and would rather have a small group of close friends, and a huge list of phonecontacts that I ring for pointless conversation. But I know people who do like to have like 5,000 friends, and if that suits them..each to their own.

    everyone is different, and to me you sound a bit clingy im afraid, and could end up pushing your friend away.

    Just because she has other close friends, doesnt mean your any more or less valued as a friend IMO, she just has a different attitude to what a 'best friend ' is IMO.

    and ultimately you have to remember how boring she would be if she didn't have any other friends and not do things with them, you and your friend would have nothing to talk about...if all youve done all week is spend time with each other and noone else.

    I don't think you should loose contact with this friend at all, but should perhaps try and make new friends, these new friends dont have to be as close friends as your best friend, or be seen as a 'replacement' for her, but it sounds to me like your sat being lonely and becoming irritable and maybe even a bit jealous of your friend having other best mates (sorry if ive interpreted anything wrong!)
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    It's not worth cutting her off, you'll feel worse off for it. I've got three people I see as best friends, it's works because we're all best friends (if you get my drift)
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    I dont have a best friend, a few close friends, who i know which i can talk to about what if that makes sense.
    I would let her know how you feel, as you can talk to her anyway.
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    I have plenty of close mates, it's not that big a deal.
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    I know how you feel. My best friend IS my best friend, but I'm always 3rd or lower in her "hierarchy". Except just recently we have gotten a lot closer and she's telling me a lot more stuff, I'm seeing her more etc but I move to uni in 3 weeks and tbh I wish she hasn't bothered because before this I only saw her, like, once in the month before.
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    thank you for all your replies, its really useful to get outside opinions on the situation.

    i'm going to see her today so i'll talk to her about how i'm feeling and see where it goes from there. i wrote how i'm feeling and i'll give it to her i think thats the best way.
    but its so painful to see her, and afterwards (when i go home) i feel 10 times worse. because of how i feel kind of excluded when she's with me and a couple other people, the little things she does that make me feel a little isolated, and like everything has changed.

    i think yeah a lot of what you said is true rooftopcowboy

    and namakemono, how did it make you feel when she was your best friend, but for her you were 3rd or lower? didn't it get to you a lot? or did you just accept it?


    i still appreciate any more comments/advice people have...
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    I don't find being with one person for long periods of time very easy, so for me its natural to have many really close friends (I have 7/8 that I would "die for", so to speak). I don't think that its wrong to have one best friend, but I wouldnt choose to "pick", because that would be too hard.
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    i had a best friend we met at 5 and we inseperable until we hit 12, i moved away and we didnt really stay in contact, but thanks to myspace last year we became friends again and although we have both met loads of new people, we are still close. i have another great best friend shes fantastic but my other friends who i love too are great at different things like partying etc wheras my best friend isnt in to all that, so ye people like different qualities i npeople but it doesnt make you not love them as much. and my boyfriend is just the best and hes my ultimate best friend tbh =D
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    thank you for all your replies, its really useful to get outside opinions on the situation.

    i'm going to see her today so i'll talk to her about how i'm feeling and see where it goes from there. i wrote how i'm feeling and i'll give it to her i think thats the best way.
    but its so painful to see her, and afterwards (when i go home) i feel 10 times worse. because of how i feel kind of excluded when she's with me and a couple other people, the little things she does that make me feel a little isolated, and like everything has changed.

    i think yeah a lot of what you said is true rooftopcowboy

    and namakemono, how did it make you feel when she was your best friend, but for her you were 3rd or lower? didn't it get to you a lot? or did you just accept it?


    i still appreciate any more comments/advice people have...
    Well I just kinda got used to it tbh... sometimes it gets to me still, like when I'm out with her or the other best friends and she'll talk more to them/walk with them etc. But mostly it's OK. =P She's obv. an example of someone else who's happy about having several best friends.

    Just kinda makes me wonder if she'll actually miss me when I move to uni.....

    Good luck with talking with your friend, OP! Let us know how it goes (Y)
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    I think people are allowed several best friends. different people bring out different sides in people. this gift should not be limited to one person or in no way prevented. you shouldn't hate your friend having other friends because she's just being open.
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    OP, I'm a little bit like your friend. I don't have three best friends, but I have one best friend and about 7 or 8 people I consider close friends. I don't see my best friend as much as I'd like, as she works a lot, and I spend a fairly large amount of time with some of the other people, like going out and stuff. I do that too with my best friend when we both have time/money.
    My point is, these other people, although close friends and people I can sit and talk to when I need to and I spend time with them, doesn't take away how much I care for my best friend. She's been my best friend since we were 8 and even going to different colleges didn't change that. I love her to pieces and I know the feeling's mutual.
    What I'm trying to say is that even with me having other 'close' friends my best friend is still my best friend and I love her the same as when I wasn't as close to the others. Maybe your friend is the same, I'm not getting at you but try to appreciate her individual life and make the effort when she invites you out with everyone. You just sound a little insecure with her, but don't worry about it, she probably cares for you just as much.
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    (Original post by Spoog!)
    What I'm trying to say is that even with me having other 'close' friends my best friend is still my best friend and I love her the same as when I wasn't as close to the others. Maybe your friend is the same, I'm not getting at you but try to appreciate her individual life and make the effort when she invites you out with everyone. You just sound a little insecure with her, but don't worry about it, she probably cares for you just as much.
    I agree with the OP, dont think that because there are other people that she holds close to her that she values them more to you. Also I agree that making more of an effort with the people she holds close to her will bring you closer together. Really this worry is not worth the risk of loosing a really good friend.
 
 
 
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