Currently in a healthy relationship but I miss my toxic ex, who is also my first love Watch

blasphemy123
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#1
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#1
My ex and I had been together for two years, we were so very close, she was my first relationship, my first love. We were so close to the point we were practically family, we would talk about marriage casually, we just were long distance and had to wait. I was so madly inlove ( I still might be). She's made me the happiest I've ever been. She really felt like THE one. We were just special.


BUT she's also made me the saddest, during those 2 years, she had an ex who she has left me for before, and also talked to behind my back. I got really insecure over that ****, it ****ed with me, she ****ed with me with him at least four times, by either leaving me and suddenly talking to him or actually going to be with him, I took her back so much believing this time things would be different. Along the way she began to threaten me whenever we'd fight, she's threatened to send my nudes to my mother before and even pictures of my self harm. My insecurities got so bad I hurt myself and such, it got to the point where whenever her and I would fight, she'd threaten to leave me and go talk to him and I would hurt myself when she did that. The second time that happened, she said it was too much and left, said we weren't working out(in October). She said he (her ex) was to blame for a lot of her **** ups (she said the threatening, he used to do to her) and that she hated him and wouldn't ever talk to him again, especially not this time around even though we were broken up. But she did anyway.. I went batshit crazy.. I got stalkerish, I made threats etc, I just lost my mind, I told I would kill myself and she told me to do it. It pushed her away further and further. I thought she was a monster for doing that to me again for the FIFTH time.


Eventually I left her alone, I met someone pretty great (17/F) who talked to me about my ex, and made me feel less crazy, less insecure, more sane, told me I deserve better. We got to talking and we were a lot alike and we bonded really well. We're now dating and she is a lot better than my ex, I know she is. I know she's honest, caring and loving. I know because of her experiences she wouldn't ever do what my ex did to me. She's wonderful so I don't understand why I miss my ex..


My ex hit me up while I was talking to this new girl(this was before she became my girlfriend), she told me that she left this time around because she needed to tie up that loose end with her ex and for me to have time to work on myself(as i was self destructive and crazy). I didn't believe her, I thought she just came back because of the new girl she heard about. I told her to leave me alone. She then told me about how great we were.. how good we used to be and how easily we could have that again, she showed me logs between her and her ex, showing that they were talking ABOUT ME and how hurt she was I moved onto somebody new, about how I was her ''GREAT LOVE'' and her person. I began dating this new girl, I thought she was right for me. I found out that my ex and her ex started to date, she sent me messages about how he's helped her so much and how he understands that he could never be me, and is still willing to love her. They're together now and she seems to have fixed herself and they seem to be doing great together.. she's going to go see him in a few weeks and he's planning to propose


As of a few days ago I couldn't stop thinking about my ex. I've felt so guilty. But she was my great love too.. and I don't think I could ever have anything I had with her, with anyone else. She said she knows that too and it had been hard for her to accept but he's helping her. I feel as though I'm going to miss out on my soulmate, and I'll never speak to my best friend again, because she was MORE than just a girlfriend these past two years. She was MY PERSON. And I'm so conflicted. I don't know what to do. , I called her the other day because I felt so anxious, we ended up talking for 3 hours and she made me feel better and the flame just felt renewed.. I felt like she changed and I don't know what to do.


And this new person is just so great.. I don't want to break her heart or leave her I feel so ****ing guilty because the new person I'm with does not deserve this. She's genuinely wonderful, I could love her but I know it wouldn't be as great as the love I had for my ex. What if my ex is just ****ing with me and just does it to me again? Then I'll feel so alone AND ACTUALLY BE ALONE. None of my friends like my ex and all of my friends are closer with the girl I'm currently dating, if I left her for my ex, none of my friends would speak to me again and they've always been the support system for whenever me and my ex have had problems. I wouldn't even have any friends anymore. But my ex.. we just share such a ****ing connection.. it's so easy to talk to her, her love was just so ****ing special.

I know that was a long read but please help me.

tl;dr: Should I leave this new person, someone who is great and a lot better than my ex, for my ex, who is also my great love and my ''person'', my best friend I've ever had, who I talked to and could talk to about anything?
0
reply
EC
  • Political Ambassador
Badges: 18
#2
Report 2 years ago
#2
After I read what you said here, I have to say it is pretty clear what choice you want to make, which is your ex. And it is understandable, you only take into account the connection you share, considering her "a soul mate" and nobody else can tell you what to feel or what to do with your life. But I believe there are more people in this world who can be your soul mate, there can't be only one in this huge world, I'm telling you. The thing is that you don't see the possibility of another great love at the moment, just because you didn't let go of your ex. The whole situation is fogging your mind and your thoughts, so you can't think clearly when it comes to doing what's best for you.

If I were you, I would never go back to what destroyed me, made me hurt myself and feel so insecure to the point that I wanted to take my own life. And you said that SHE COULDN'T EVEN BE BOTHERED when you felt like that. You received the opportunity to have a new relationship with someone who actually makes you feel much better, so why throw that away now?
reply
EC
  • Political Ambassador
Badges: 18
#3
Report 2 years ago
#3
OH, and by the way, you wrote toxic ex for a reason.
reply
blasphemy123
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#4
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#4
(Original post by Elena.Catalina)
After I read what you said here, I have to say it is pretty clear what choice you want to make, which is your ex. And it is understandable, you only take into account the connection you share, considering her "a soul mate" and nobody else can tell you what to feel or what to do with your life. But I believe there are more people in this world who can be your soul mate, there can't be only one in this huge world, I'm telling you. The thing is that you don't see the possibility of another great love at the moment, just because you didn't let go of your ex. The whole situation is fogging your mind and your thoughts, so you can't think clearly when it comes to doing what's best for you.

If I were you, I would never go back to what destroyed me, made me hurt myself and feel so insecure to the point that I wanted to take my own life. And you said that SHE COULDN'T EVEN BE BOTHERED when you felt like that. You received the opportunity to have a new relationship with someone who actually makes you feel much better, so why throw that away now?
you are right, I shouldn't throw away something new for something where I hurt myself. I just miss my best friend because she was that, despite all the bad ****, she was the person I talked to about anything and everything. There are so many inside jokes and so much love aswell as the bad too. It's hard to forget.
0
reply
blasphemy123
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#5
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#5
She (my ex) just told me, that the way I've been feeling and the way she's been feeling is wrong and that we need to break it off with the people we have relationships with now, she already has and I can't bring myself to.. I know that she's right, I shouldn't feel this way and be with someone but I also can't go back to my ex and if I told the person I'm with right now how I feel, she would end things.. what do I do?
0
reply
username1884577
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#6
Report 2 years ago
#6
Don't go back
You're eachothers first loves, there will always be something there
Doesn't mean you should go back, trust me (Experience of a 4 year relationship)
0
reply
Abstract_Prism
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#7
Report 2 years ago
#7
Am I the only one who goes onto these threads on the offchance chance that it's about you?
2
reply
Alesia
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#8
Report 2 years ago
#8
(Original post by blasphemy123)
she was the person I talked to about anything and everything. There are so many inside jokes and so much love aswell as the bad too. It's hard to forget.
You shouldn't force yourself to forget, these are the memories that you will cherish forever. But having built all of this with someone doesn't mean you shouldn't allow yourself to build some other memories and a good relationship with someone else (and that's the feeling I get from what you have been writing).

(Original post by Elena.Catalina)
OH, and by the way, you wrote toxic ex for a reason.
Totally agree with Elena on this! Remember that sometimes, some people are not good for you, although you regret how they made you feel. I don't think the solution is getting back with your ex. Try taking some time away from your ex (so don't talk to her, you'd get influenced) and see how your new relationship develops. If you still compare it with your previous one, then you are simply not ready for another relationship... which is totally okay! I just don't think that you should get back with your toxic ex.
0
reply
username1884577
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#9
Report 2 years ago
#9
(Original post by Abstract_Prism)
Am I the only one who goes onto these threads on the offchance chance that it's about you?
No hahaha
1
reply
JoshDawg
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#10
Report 2 years ago
#10
She cheats on you once shame on her, she cheats on you twice shame on you man. 4 times? Stop taking her back and instead of pining for her use that time to pray for the poor sap who gets her saggy ass next.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#11
Report 2 years ago
#11
Heart wants what i can't have.

I bet if you were able to have your ex, you'd lose the drive to want her, mainly since you'd see what kind of life you are able to have.

Thrill of the chase kinda thing.

Source: been there, a few times. Wanted them most when i knew i was being cheated on. Wanted them most when they broke up with me. Want them least when i realised it wasn't them i wanted, it was just a chase to have what i can't.

I hope yours is a similar scenario; once you feel the relief of forgetting them, you'll feel sooooo free. I truly hope you feel more comfortable with yourself very soon, and with life around you.
reply
username1842595
Badges: 6
Rep:
?
#12
Report 2 years ago
#12
My advice is you leave both alone and work on loving yourself and healing yourself and give yourself plenty of time to improve yourself as a person. Its not fair that you arent allowing yourself to love your girlfriend and frankly she deserves someone who 100% loves her.

You need to move on from your ex. You need to block her number and block her from social media and leave it at that. Trust me, with my ex, I went back to the toxic relationship thinking it will get better and better if I just give him a chance but honestly from then on, it just gets worse.

And you will love another girl again, more than you loved your ex. You just need to be in the right state of mind and allow yourself to. But that wont happen if you do not get over your ex.
0
reply
blasphemy123
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#13
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#13
How do I get over her? When without her I literally feel depressed and anxious all the time. I feel like utter **** again. I was fine a couple weeks ago but now it's come back and I feel like I can't move on
0
reply
Moonstruck16
Badges: 5
Rep:
?
#14
Report 2 years ago
#14
(Original post by blasphemy123)
How do I get over her? When without her I literally feel depressed and anxious all the time. I feel like utter **** again. I was fine a couple weeks ago but now it's come back and I feel like I can't move on
You need time alone wih yourself. Not in a relationship. You obviously shouldn't go back to a toxic ex but you clearly aren't 100% for this relationship

Posted from TSR Mobile
0
reply
blasphemy123
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#15
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#15
Thanks.. I ended it with the girl. She kind of found out how I feel, I told her half truths and told her I need to fix myself first. I just hope I don't get sucked back into my ex. I just want to be happy.
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Where do you need more help?

Which Uni should I go to? (34)
14.11%
How successful will I become if I take my planned subjects? (21)
8.71%
How happy will I be if I take this career? (50)
20.75%
How do I achieve my dream Uni placement? (34)
14.11%
What should I study to achieve my dream career? (30)
12.45%
How can I be the best version of myself? (72)
29.88%

Watched Threads

View All