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What should I do? Please help :(

I had been friends with this guy for 3 years, and had a massive crush on him. It was infatuation. We were really close, but when I found out that he had a girlfriend, I was so upset and said some things to him that I really shouldn't have said. I know it was stupid. We haven't talked since.

Because it's the new year, I was considering apologising to him once last time, as I really don't like this negativity between us, and I want to start over again. He undertstandably blocked me on his social media, as I cannot contact him through there, and we live so far away from each other, so i am planning to write a letter to him. It's the only way he will definitely see it.

Do you think I should give it one more time? Is it worth it?

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Worth a shot
The only thing you can do is apologise, what more could he want you to do
Original post by Anonymous
I had been friends with this guy for 3 years, and had a massive crush on him. It was infatuation. We were really close, but when I found out that he had a girlfriend, I was so upset and said some things to him that I really shouldn't have said. I know it was stupid. We haven't talked since.

Because it's the new year, I was considering apologising to him once last time, as I really don't like this negativity between us, and I want to start over again. He undertstandably blocked me on his social media, as I cannot contact him through there, and we live so far away from each other, so i am planning to write a letter to him. It's the only way he will definitely see it.

Do you think I should give it one more time? Is it worth it?


You are the one who said some nasty stuff. It's up to him whether he wants to instigate. Sounds like you're caught up in what *you* want. Not what he wants.
Original post by Anonymous
I had been friends with this guy for 3 years, and had a massive crush on him. It was infatuation. We were really close, but when I found out that he had a girlfriend, I was so upset and said some things to him that I really shouldn't have said. I know it was stupid. We haven't talked since.

Because it's the new year, I was considering apologising to him once last time, as I really don't like this negativity between us, and I want to start over again. He undertstandably blocked me on his social media, as I cannot contact him through there, and we live so far away from each other, so i am planning to write a letter to him. It's the only way he will definitely see it.

Do you think I should give it one more time? Is it worth it?


What do you want to happen here - do you want to re-start the massive crush, do you want to be friends again. How are things going to work with such a distance.

I would just leave the letter - if you must write then send a quick card apologising - couple of lines saying sorry for being a twerp and leave it at that.

Things are never going to be how they were and you seem to have broken your heart over this chap - and he is always going to remember your comments.

Take a lesson from this...
I think if he's blocked you everywhere it's over. Finding the last possible method to contact him is a bit much and at this point it's probably a lost cause and getting desperate.

Also if he still has a girlfriend it won't work. You still like him, he still wouldn't want to be friends with you while you do and it's not good for you either. My advice, from experience, would be to move on and let it go.
Original post by SonoLuma
You are the one who said some nasty stuff. It's up to him whether he wants to instigate. Sounds like you're caught up in what *you* want. Not what he wants.


He can decide that after she sends the letter lol.


Original post by AndrewSCO
I think if he's blocked you everywhere it's over. Finding the last possible method to contact him is a bit much and at this point it's probably a lost cause and getting desperate.

Also if he still has a girlfriend it won't work. You still like him, he still wouldn't want to be friends with you while you do and it's not good for you either. My advice, from experience, would be to move on and let it go.


^Do this though. Wait till you've moved on to contact him again lol.
Original post by ChickenMadness
He can decide that after she sends the letter lol.


You arent making much sense, Both the quotes (mine and someone elses) are basically getting at the same thing, but youve disagreed with me and said she should send the letter, then said she shouldnt send the letter...

My point being that shes thinking about what she wants, and not what he wants.
The point of this thread was advice on what she should do? Not speculating on what he is going to do?
Original post by SonoLuma
You arent making much sense, Both the quotes (mine and someone elses) are basically getting at the same thing, but youve disagreed with me and said she should send the letter, then said she shouldnt send the letter...

My point being that shes thinking about what she wants, and not what he wants.
The point of this thread was advice on what she should do? Not speculating on what he is going to do?



I thought your post was silly because a letter isn't really that rude. It's still up to him to unblock her and talk again after he reads it.

But then I saw AndrewSCO's post and agreed because I've gone through the same thing recently with an ex gf and theres no point trying to be friends if you still love them.
Original post by ChickenMadness
I thought your post was silly because a letter isn't really that rude. It's still up to him to unblock her and talk again after he reads it.

But then I saw AndrewSCO's post and agreed because I've gone through the same thing recently with an ex gf and theres no point trying to be friends if you still love them.


Yeah I have a tendency to sound a bit silly sometimes lol.

Hm, Im on the other side, I would find a letter to be a bit more formal than any other medium these days. And just putting myself in that position (not been in the same situation IRL) I would be a bit freaked out, blocking someone then having them send a letter to me
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Original post by squeakysquirrel
What do you want to happen here - do you want to re-start the massive crush, do you want to be friends again. How are things going to work with such a distance.

I would just leave the letter - if you must write then send a quick card apologising - couple of lines saying sorry for being a twerp and leave it at that.

Things are never going to be how they were and you seem to have broken your heart over this chap - and he is always going to remember your comments.

Take a lesson from this...


I'm not planning on restarting the crush at all, I know that things will be different. I just feel horrible after saying those things that I really shouldn't have said. Thank you for your response :smile:
Original post by AndrewSCO
I think if he's blocked you everywhere it's over. Finding the last possible method to contact him is a bit much and at this point it's probably a lost cause and getting desperate.

Also if he still has a girlfriend it won't work. You still like him, he still wouldn't want to be friends with you while you do and it's not good for you either. My advice, from experience, would be to move on and let it go.


I've definitely gotten over the crush, but i just feel horrible after saying the things I said.
Original post by SonoLuma
You are the one who said some nasty stuff. It's up to him whether he wants to instigate. Sounds like you're caught up in what *you* want. Not what he wants.


I just have this terrible feeling of guilt in me right now that I need to let go of. I've developed quite severe anxiety from this, and I just thought that this would help me get over it.
Original post by ChickenMadness
I thought your post was silly because a letter isn't really that rude. It's still up to him to unblock her and talk again after he reads it.

But then I saw AndrewSCO's post and agreed because I've gone through the same thing recently with an ex gf and theres no point trying to be friends if you still love them.


I don't still love him, I'm over the crush. It's just that painful feeling of guilt after the things I've said.
Original post by Anonymous
I've definitely gotten over the crush, but i just feel horrible after saying the things I said.


I think you're kidding yourself on. I don't think you would be going through all this trouble to contact him if you had gotten over it.

And let's say on the off chance that you have, don't you think if you became friends again and started hanging out and becoming close again it would all just come rushing back? Trust me, the best thing you can do is forget about it and move on. I've been in your shoes, where I told myself I didn't like a girl anymore (who had been my best friend) and messaged her again saying I was over it and wanted to be friends again - that lasted about 2 weeks. Do yourself a favour and leave it be. If you want to talk about it further I'm happy to help/explain my situation, feel free to PM me but that would be my advice :redface:
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
I'm not planning on restarting the crush at all, I know that things will be different. I just feel horrible after saying those things that I really shouldn't have said. Thank you for your response :smile:


How do you know things will be different?
Original post by Anonymous
I don't still love him, I'm over the crush. It's just that painful feeling of guilt after the things I've said.


Go for it then. Will make you feel better you can send the letter and forget about it.
I assume you want to send a letter for your own peace of mind?
Original post by Anonymous
I just have this terrible feeling of guilt in me right now that I need to let go of. I've developed quite severe anxiety from this, and I just thought that this would help me get over it.


So, I said that you arent thinking of his side of things, and you reply with basically all about you?

Not saying that you should disregard your own feelings, but you cant do whatever you want without thinking about the other people you are interacting with.

What if you give him massive anxiety by sending the letter? Unfortunately the guilt is something you and you alone have to deal with, there isnt anyone else who can share that burden with you. (apart from close friends and family.)

At the end of it I cant tell you what is best and I (obviously!) cant predict the future.

Just from my experience, If you have aniexty now, then sending a letter can only make it worse. You made a mistake, you need to find a way to be ok with it without offloading it onto someone else. That is why I said you need to also think about him.

Whether you send the letter or not, you have to take responsibility for your situation and find a way to make it right, and that doesnt mean sending the letter.
Original post by Tiger Rag
How do you know things will be different?


As in they won't be how they used to. I know we won't be as close as we used to be.
Trying to :s-smilie:

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