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Will you change your name if you get married? Watch

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    (Original post by sameehaiqbal)
    It's up to people what they want to know me as whether its Sameeha Iqbal (Husbands Name) or just Sameeha Iqbal, but I would join my husband's last name after my surname.
    Iqbal would go well with my first and middle names... I'd sound rather cultured.
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    (Original post by macromicro)
    That member lacks the requisite intelligence to articulate the point and so resorts to ad hominem attacks, but what was meant by the post, presumably, was that the OP ought to be a feminist proper on this issue. It's true, much of modern feminism has become nothing short of bullying, and if you don't agree with their position, you are labelled an idiot. Fortunately, there are still a minority who will engage in discussion rather than hurl abuse.
    Ad hominem? Since when exactly?
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    (Original post by LuceB)
    Me and my boyfriend of 6 years are at each others throats about this on a regular basis. I don't understand the need for me to change my name when I get married. Personally I think its a massively outdated tradition that I shouldn't have to adhere to. I don't understand why I am expected to shed something to important to my identity just because its 'what everyone does'. My boyfriend on the other hand thinks it shows unity and closeness, he point blank refuses the thought of marriage if I wont take his name. Not only this but he says his family would be offended especially his grandparents. Am I being insensitive to his feelings by refusing? I am anything but a feminist this part of life just doesn't sit right with me.
    I would change my name, but it's not that big of a deal and definitely shouldn't be forced
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    BTEC students should have their own section to talk and debate on this site.
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    (Original post by absoul)
    You seem very triggered. If you had realised, I wasn't talking to you. And no, you don't "encourage debate", you end up losing because of your stupidity and calling up Ethan because you're butthurt and triggered. I don't understand what makes you think you're some "political ambassador" and someone who "creates controversy" when you're actually a self loathing person.

    I mean seriously, who gets triggered when someone says "im anything but a feminist"
    Nah, I call him because it's clear who you are.
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    If you keep your name, what happens if you have children?
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    (Original post by Nirvana1989-1994)
    Nah, I call him because it's clear who you are.
    Nah, you call him because I wreck you in arguments
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    I don't think it is something to have a big disagreement about. When I get married I will probably either add his onto mine and he will add mine to his or I would take his. Also if you are thinking about marriage then children could also be a possibility so what name would they take?
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    (Original post by absoul)
    Nah, you call him because I wreck you in arguments
    If you say so, darling.
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    (Original post by Sternumator)
    If you keep your name, what happens if you have children?
    I would be more than happy for any children to have his surname. Their name isn't decided already like mine is.
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    (Original post by runningoutoftime)
    I don't think it is something to have a big disagreement about. When I get married I will probably either add his onto mine and he will add mine to his or I would take his. Also if you are thinking about marriage then children could also be a possibility so what name would they take?
    I think the reason I'm so heavily opposed is because I am not being given that choice, its his way or the highway up to now. I would be ok with the children having his surname. The bond formed whilst carrying and feeding them is stronger than sharing any name could give.
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    (Original post by Sternumator)
    There can be no cherry picking as our friends in the EU would say. If we are getting married, we are a new family which I am the head of and whose members have my name. Marriage has rights and obligations on both sides. You can't take the benefits and security of marriage and at the same time deny me the right to be the central figure in my own family.
    Valid point.
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    (Original post by LuceB)
    I think the reason I'm so heavily opposed is because I am not being given that choice, its his way or the highway up to now. I would be ok with the children having his surname. The bond formed whilst carrying and feeding them is stronger than sharing any name could give.
    I see what you mean, to be honest changing my name or keeping it does not bother me that much but if my boyfriend told me that I had to change my name I would feel differently. He should respect how you feel and not force you to change it, maybe you need to remind him of that?
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    If this is important to you, don't back down. I felt exactly the same, and after discussing it we're now going to double-barrel. Your feelings are just as important.
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      am keeping my name
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      (Original post by runningoutoftime)
      I see what you mean, to be honest changing my name or keeping it does not bother me that much but if my boyfriend told me that I had to change my name I would feel differently. He should respect how you feel and not force you to change it, maybe you need to remind him of that?
      She isn't been forced to do anything. She doesn't have to take his name and he doesn't have to marry her.
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      (Original post by LuceB)
      I would be more than happy for any children to have his surname. Their name isn't decided already like mine is.
      I think you should find a more calm and appropriate setting to raise this issue again with him. As you've stated the children can have his surname and I'm assuming you'd be fine with a double barrel. There shouldn't be an issue with a double barrel name, many women do this (my mother included).
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      (Original post by Sternumator)
      She isn't been forced to do anything. She doesn't have to take his name and he doesn't have to marry her.
      If he had said to me that he didn't want to get married before I ever mentioned this then I'd be fine with him not wanting to get married. I would love to get married but if it wasn't what he wanted then I'd respect what he wanted. He's always been pro marriage until now
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      (Original post by Sternumator)
      She isn't been forced to do anything. She doesn't have to take his name and he doesn't have to marry her.
      Do you not think that it is slightly unreasonable for him to say he won't consider marrying her unless she takes his name?
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      (Original post by runningoutoftime)
      Do you not think that it is slightly unreasonable for him to say he won't consider marrying her unless she takes his name?
      No. If it is important enough to him that she takes his name, why should he sign up to marriage on terms he isn't happy with? Personally, this would be a red line.

      He doesn't get to decide alone the terms of the marriage and neither does she. They need to find a deal that they can both agree to. If they can't, there is no wedding. There's nothing wrong with that. He is entitled to refuse to marry unless she takes his name just as she is entitled to refuse to marry unless she can keep her name.

      The title of the thread implies its a 1 person decision but it is a 2 person decision.
     
     
     
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