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Will you change your name if you get married? Watch

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    (Original post by Abstract_Prism)
    Sounds more like it's just her that's starting a new life as your wife, you remain unchanged.


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    You wouldnt have put it better!! If you are starting a life together, why are you also not taking on her name?
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    By the way, the decision to take on another name is not a decision for the owner of the name to make through threats.

    Its a decision solely for the person who is to take on the name. Let the lady make the decision out of love and not out of threats. There is more to marriage and a union than a name and if someone can even get the idea that a name is a deal breaker, then maybe they need to evaluate the relationship and how much it means to them.
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    Well I am not surprised he wants you to change the name, it;s sort of ermm..well let me see...traditional!

    Just like marriage itself!

    Because you really need a contract to state you love him right?

    Just go along with it, no big deal. 'It doesn't sit right with you' - care to explain why?

    Seems liek you've got more of a problem than him...
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    (Original post by Sternumator)
    Why does she alone get to decide?
    Because it's her name that would be changing, not yours.
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    (Original post by Sternumator)
    Why does she alone get to decide?
    Why should you get to decide?
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    (Original post by Tiger Rag)
    Why should you get to decide?
    I don't. Decisions on marriage aren't taken unilaterally. They have to be agreed and this is no different. You can't say "I'm keeping my name" because first you have to find someone who is willing to marry you even though you are keeping. Even though that probably isn't difficult nowadays, I think it is important to point out that a marriage involves two people not one.

    You are entitled to refuse to marry unless you can keep your name just as he is entitled to refuse if you don't take his. Marriage must be entered into with consent. If they don't agree with the deal on the table, neither party is obliged to accept it.

    Marriage creates obligations for the husband and also for the wife. Marriage isn't a blank cheque for the wife. If he takes on the obligations of marriage, she must also take on obligations also. For me, taking my name would be part of that contract. If you want to be free to make all your decisions based on your own feelings alone and don't want to compromise with another person, stay single. That is not how marriage works.
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    (Original post by LuceB)
    Me and my boyfriend of 6 years are at each others throats about this on a regular basis. I don't understand the need for me to change my name when I get married. Personally I think its a massively outdated tradition that I shouldn't have to adhere to. I don't understand why I am expected to shed something to important to my identity just because its 'what everyone does'. My boyfriend on the other hand thinks it shows unity and closeness, he point blank refuses the thought of marriage if I wont take his name. Not only this but he says his family would be offended especially his grandparents. Am I being insensitive to his feelings by refusing? I am anything but a feminist this part of life just doesn't sit right with me.
    I think ultimately it is your choice , however I personally would change my name to my husband's second name because it feels special to me . I get why you feel and think this and that it's an old tradition and because everyone does something it does not mean that you have to do the same , but it's your choice after all , it's not by law you have to, but it's a matter of personal preference really
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    I get your wanting to keep your name, and I also get him being a little upset about it. In the end, relationships often require compromise or acceptance at the very least. If you guys can't agree no matter what, maybe take it easy for a while. Ultimately, it is your decision. But If you're thinking of marriage, it implies that you're hitched to this person "forever" and this tiff isn't the best start to such a big commitment. That goes for both people involved. Sorry to put it bluntly.

    I'm kind of indifferent. I dislike my last name for personal reasons, so if his was "better" than mine or he/his family had very strong beliefs about it all, I'd consider taking his. I think if it fits, hyphenating the names is a good compromise. Either way, while traditional, it's kind of a dated thing and I don't personally see the big deal behind someone choosing to keep their last name so long as they really care for the other person. Marriage is a lot more than names. I highly doubt I'll be getting married though so I might be biased.
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      (Original post by LuceB)
      Me and my boyfriend of 6 years are at each others throats about this on a regular basis. I don't understand the need for me to change my name when I get married. Personally I think its a massively outdated tradition that I shouldn't have to adhere to. I don't understand why I am expected to shed something to important to my identity just because its 'what everyone does'. My boyfriend on the other hand thinks it shows unity and closeness, he point blank refuses the thought of marriage if I wont take his name. Not only this but he says his family would be offended especially his grandparents. Am I being insensitive to his feelings by refusing? I am anything but a feminist this part of life just doesn't sit right with me.
      The point in marriage is that your join and become one - including your families. If you aren't prepared to take his name (or at least a shared name) because it's "a massively outdated tradition" then you have no place or right getting married either, as that's an even older tradition.

      Genuine suggestions:

      • Break the **** up and keep your own forever;

      • Grow the **** up and take his name;

      • Grow the **** up and see if a double-barreled name is appropriate.
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      Yes. Whilst my surname in itself is beautiful, in the wider picture it's associated with baggage thag I want nothing to do with once I'm done with my family.
      Plus I have an Italian surname and was born in Italy and can speak Italian but I've been brought up in the UK. If I never go back to Italy again I won't complain and I would be more than happy to give up my citizenship and get a British one (I can't yet because I still live in my parent's house and right now it's not worth the subsequent hassle).

      Essentially, I want to change my name so I'm no longer automatically associated with my family and my past.

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      Yes. Its a tradition, you can tell neglect your whole cultural background because no it's outdated. The point of tradition is that its outdated.
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      Do what you want. Its not a big deal.
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      1) I don't intend to marry, I think it is ridiculous. I'd do it to make someone I love happy, but hope to never have to.
      2) I wouldn't take somebody else's name if I were female or male.
      3) I think both taking and not taking your partners name are equally valid choices. Honestly, if you can't reach an agreement on something like that as a couple then you probably shouldn't be getting married.
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      No
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      (Original post by cherryred90s)
      She should take your name because she wants to, not because you threaten her into it by refusing to marry her. That's just childish.
      You could say the same about sexual exclusivity though. Sure, I would like my wife to not sleep with other men because she doesn't want to. But even if she does want to, it is not allowed. She vowed not to do that and that binds her. I would have not agreed to marry her if the agreement was that she is allowed to have sex with other men. That is not childish or a threat.

      I'm not saying marriage is the same agreement for every couple. I have nothing against open marriages. If there is proper consent for that to be the agreement, who am I to tell them otherwise? It's their life but it is not something I would be prepared to agree to.

      My point is, marriage is a contract to its very core. Some of the terms of the contract, such as what happens in the event of the marriage breaking down, are prescribed by law, some of the terms, such as sexual exclusivity, are included in the vows and some of the terms are agreed informally by the couple.

      Like any contract, the terms are negotiated between the parties and this includes what happens to names. You may agree she keeps hers or she takes the man's or she hyphenates or you both hyphenate or he takes hers or both change your name to something different. You may even agree that it will be left to her sole discretion. It's up to the couple and all options are fine.

      If either party is not happy with the contract, they don't sign it, there is no wedding and they revert to World Trade Organisation rules.

      Like any contract, marriage is a commitment which creates obligations. The nature of marriage is that it restricts personal freedom but you consent to that. She can't sleep with other men and she can't keep her old name. That is the deal.
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      I always wanted to be Esmeralda, maybe marriage is my chance.
      P.S: If seriously, I'd keep mine. Fewer troubles with all the documents and bureaucracy
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      (Original post by Nirvana1989-1994)
      In answer to your question:

      1) No, because I'm never getting married, I see it as pretty pointless.

      2) My surname's just too awesome to change.
      It's 'the norm' in modern society. Marriage doesn't mean anything anymore to most people nowadays because you can get a divorce (which although isn't easy).
      But only because both of these need money which I can see why it's pointless.
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      (Original post by Boreism)
      It's 'the norm' in modern society. Marriage doesn't mean anything anymore to most people nowadays because you can get a divorce (which although isn't easy).
      But only because both of these need money which I can see why it's pointless.
      I agree.

      Also, how's a piece of paper going to 'stop' someone from cheating.
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      (Original post by Moonstruck16)
      Yes. Whilst my surname in itself is beautiful, in the wider picture it's associated with baggage thag I want nothing to do with once I'm done with my family.
      Plus I have an Italian surname and was born in Italy and can speak Italian but I've been brought up in the UK. If I never go back to Italy again I won't complain and I would be more than happy to give up my citizenship and get a British one (I can't yet because I still live in my parent's house and right now it's not worth the subsequent hassle).

      Essentially, I want to change my name so I'm no longer automatically associated with my family and my past.

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      You don't have to be married to change your name, js
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      I have a double barrelled surname already and I don't want to change mine, I'll stick another on so I'm hoping for a quadruple barrelled name eventually (although I do have two middle names as well!) I like mine, it's both sides of my family and I'm the only sibling to keep the full name, as both have chosen to take one each of the surnames, so we all have different ones now!
     
     
     
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