I'm just wondering if anyone else can relate to anything I'm going through.
I've had one term already and found the work interesting but pretty stressful. With exams coming up I know full well it will only get harder from now on, on top of other concerns.
I knew it wouldn't be easy making friends since I'm shy and not a great conversationalist. Clubbing and drinking isn't my thing either which puts not much in my favour 😂.
The people I share a kitchen with became a really tight knit group during freshers, but I attended a different set of events and didn't bond much with them. Whenever I walk in and say hi they either ignore me or begrudgingly reply and leave. There were a few others in my kitchen at the start too who weren't part of the 'close' group but they moved their stuff to another kitchen even though it's less convenient. The group are always in the kitchen and I feel like I'm intruding when I go in even though I have every right to be there. I feel pretty lonely there.
I also don't know who to rent a flat with next year since the uni won't provide us with accommodation for second year. The friends I hang out with at leuctures happen to commute so they're out of the picture. They all have their old friends to do stuff with at weekends too.
I joined a society and made friends with a girl who had a lot of interests in common with me. She probably didn't like my personality much since after a while she started giving me the cold shoulder. I guessed she didn't want to be friends anymore. I found that I didn't have that much time to go to that society anymore. I'm also in another society which takes up enough time but isn't very social so it's harder making friends there.
I don't really have anyone to do anything with at the weekends although I'm in a city with so much to do. I feel like I'm missing out when I mostly stay in my room or go to the library to study. I guess before University I didn't go out that much either but I didn't feel so alone. My friends from back home are really enjoying themselves and they fit right in with their flat mates, and I'm happy that they are but I can't tell them how I'm feeling.
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Not looking forward to going back to uni watch
- Thread Starter
- 04-01-2017 04:32
- 04-01-2017 09:46
This advice may seem very generic but it's true.
You've really got to change your mindset and keep positive and keep trying to talk to the people you have and new people too. The start of this semester you could always join mre societies. It's important to remember that friendships take waaaaaay longer than we think/ remember to deepen- V few people have best friends after 6 months after meeting them. That's okay. Just keep working at it. Be friendly and as open as possible and when people seem a bit off or you say something awks- moan over it for a bit but learn to forget about and try again. Don't assume people dont want to be your friend unless there is v strong evidence/they say so. Really try not to isolate yourself- don't stay in your room too long (even if you are a gamer). Try going to as many societies that sound interesting as possible. Talk to new people before/after lectures. Talk to people when you're in the same situation (like waiting for a lift or even the supermarket). Text/message the people you know from lectures asking questions. Q's are a big way to initiate convo's.
What I'm saying is to go out of your comfort zone even if it feels unnatural for a while. You'll be surprised how much can and will change when you really try your hardest-provided that having more friends is something you want. Also, dont be afraid to go to events yourself- most times you will meet people there and you can bond over that experience u
I don't drink at Uni and I am not bezzies with my flat mates-I like my solitude too but I have many friends who I can count on so it's not really an excuse for not trying.
Idk if that helps but Good Luck 👍
- 04-01-2017 18:48
Hey ! I have the exact same problem Hope we'll both find a solution soon.
- 07-01-2017 09:29
I hope if you returned to uni now you are still feeling a little positive.
Firstly, never feel like you are intruding on something you pay for. If you PAY rent for that kitchen - you have as much right to be their as anyone else. The same case would apply if you had an argument with your house mate and you felt awkward going into the kitchen.
It's your kitchen as much as there's.
I'm assuming you're first year as you've only done one semester. It's easy to worry about friendship groups, but please don't over think things and stress yourself out. Friendships take time - and the majority of people who buddy up in first year become Facebook friends by the time you've reached the 2nd term of 2nd year.
Anyone who I keep in contact with and visit from University are now course mates! Yet in first year my house mates were my go to clique, things just change over 3 years. And you will change, 1st term is just very overwhelming and makes you feel like your friendship groups are already set in the stone for your entire degree, but this isn't sixth form, college or school. You'll meet so many people over the next few years that your friendship group will be forever changing. So just enjoy the ride, stop worrying so much.
I actually moved halls in my first week of uni as I was very sick. I spend the first week in bed and couldn't make it to lectures so I moved closer. Also my house mates were the same.
The day I moved in they didn't even say hi, because they'd already formed their friendship group. I got ignored in the kitchen until the day I moved out. My second halls, I received a warm welcome. But when we all moved into a house in 2nd, we all fell out by 3rd. by 3rd I was living with gangsters who all got arrested and was forced to move out - luckily I had a pretty solid friendship group by 3rd year, as every student does, so living arrangements were only a small part of the experience.
My point here is - you really don't get to choose your house mates. And things really do change. Just try to keep positive and get on with the reason you're there. The rest will fall into place.