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    This is about my parents and their marriage. So recently I have been a bit worried about my mum. It's because i feel that she is living under excessive control of my dad. This is partly because she earns peanuts compared to him (he's a full time dentist, she works a few days a week in retail). Furthermore, personality-wise they are polar opposites- my dad is tough,strict and stubborn, whereas my mum is quite slow to anger, kinder and more submissive. Because of my dads nature, whenever they have an argument, if my mum later on needs help from him financially, he will either make an excuse to refuse give her money, or bring up something she did/said in the argument as to why she cant have any (even though he can afford it). A lot of the reasons why their arguments start in the first place is because of the way my dad has spoken to my mum. Even when he's in the wrong he cant admit. The times when my dad does give my mum money, it is often done because he feels that it is a chore he had to do, rather than willingly doing it out of love. He is also quite an emotion-less individual who struggles with expressing empathy and love. My mum had stated this several times. This has been going on for years and i dont think my mum wants a divorce because in our culture it is heavily stigmatised and she believes that there is 'hope'. However i suggested that she see a councilor to discuss this (even if she had to go alone) because there are hardly any ppl in her life that she can tell all her feelings too, apart from her kids and her sister. She said that asking him to come with her for counselling may make him more irritated, so idk what to do. Because it seems like a never-ending cycle and if a lot of wpmen were in her shoes, they'd have divorced my dad ages ago.
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    This sounds like a relationship on the verge of being abusive. Divorce would be the best for her, despite your culture. Surely people would rather she was actually living her life instead of being trapped in this relationship with your father
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is about my parents and their marriage. So recently I have been a bit worried about my mum. It's because i feel that she is living under excessive control of my dad. This is partly because she earns peanuts compared to him (he's a full time dentist, she works a few days a week in retail). Furthermore, personality-wise they are polar opposites- my dad is tough,strict and stubborn, whereas my mum is quite slow to anger, kinder and more submissive. Because of my dads nature, whenever they have an argument, if my mum later on needs help from him financially, he will either make an excuse to refuse give her money, or bring up something she did/said in the argument as to why she cant have any (even though he can afford it). A lot of the reasons why their arguments start in the first place is because of the way my dad has spoken to my mum. Even when he's in the wrong he cant admit. The times when my dad does give my mum money, it is often done because he feels that it is a chore he had to do, rather than willingly doing it out of love. He is also quite an emotion-less individual who struggles with expressing empathy and love. My mum had stated this several times. This has been going on for years and i dont think my mum wants a divorce because in our culture it is heavily stigmatised and she believes that there is 'hope'. However i suggested that she see a councilor to discuss this (even if she had to go alone) because there are hardly any ppl in her life that she can tell all her feelings too, apart from her kids and her sister. She said that asking him to come with her for counselling may make him more irritated, so idk what to do. Because it seems like a never-ending cycle and if a lot of wpmen were in her shoes, they'd have divorced my dad ages ago.
    Has it mum and dad sat down and dicuss ed their issues it may solve the problem or maybe it might not work. If I were u tell ur mum to talk to her sister about how she feels she might be able to help or u can talk to her.but if he wont go cousnelling then leave it to ur mum how does ur mum feel about the current situation.
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    This is a horrible situation. I'd suggest that your mum talks this out properly with your dad, perhaps with a counsellor or your mum's sister as the middle person. If it doesn't get resolved, divorce would seem like the best way forward because it's obviously taking an emotional toll on your mother, and by extension, yourself (and perhaps your siblings, if you have any). I know you mentioned divorce is a taboo in your culture, but honestly what kind of culture would condone a woman staying in a mentally abusive marriage just to save face from the so-called "shame" of divorce. I presume you're from a South Asian/Arab background?

    Also, I would suggest you speak to your mum about this and tell her your feelings on this. You shouldn't have to worry about the emotional stability of your parents' marriage-it's their job to worry about YOU.

    How is your relationship with your father? Does he act like this towards you and your siblings too?

    I really hope everything gets resolved X
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    (Original post by CarysJSLewis)
    This sounds like a relationship on the verge of being abusive. Divorce would be the best for her, despite your culture. Surely people would rather she was actually living her life instead of being trapped in this relationship with your father
    (Original post by Aroosh16)
    Has it mum and dad sat down and dicuss ed their issues it may solve the problem or maybe it might not work. If I were u tell ur mum to talk to her sister about how she feels she might be able to help or u can talk to her.but if he wont go cousnelling then leave it to ur mum how does ur mum feel about the current situation.
    (Original post by rainbowdust)
    This is a horrible situation. I'd suggest that your mum talks this out properly with your dad, perhaps with a counsellor or your mum's sister as the middle person. If it doesn't get resolved, divorce would seem like the best way forward because it's obviously taking an emotional toll on your mother, and by extension, yourself (and perhaps your siblings, if you have any). I know you mentioned divorce is a taboo in your culture, but honestly what kind of culture would condone a woman staying in a mentally abusive marriage just to save face from the so-called "shame" of divorce. I presume you're from a South Asian/Arab background?

    Also, I would suggest you speak to your mum about this and tell her your feelings on this. You shouldn't have to worry about the emotional stability of your parents' marriage-it's their job to worry about YOU.

    How is your relationship with your father? Does he act like this towards you and your siblings too?

    I really hope everything gets resolved X
    Thanks guys. I could never imagine them sitting down and discussing their problems without further conflict. This almost seems impossible with the way my father is. The problem with my aunty is that despite her and my mum's closeness, she is the type that sits back and doesn't get too involved- even though she sees that her sister's marriage is problematic. So in other words, she has her sister by her side but she can't really do anything more than offer her advice and 'prayers'- she would never openly confront my dad. This is why I really want her to see a counsellor, because she really needs someone useful to talk to. And in regards to my relationship with my father, yes, it is not the best. It's like he is only present in my life to provide money for stuff like college, essentials etc. He is not emotionally 'there' for me. I don't ever remember a time where I have hugged him or even exchanged 'I love you' with him. The only emotion he can fully express is anger, and he fails to even demonstrate love through his actions. It has created a very awkward/tense relationship between me/my siblings and him. When he gets angry/annoyed with someone/something, it affects the entire atmosphere in the house. My mum will often warn me and my siblings not to do anything that will upset him because he may use and abuse his power as a punishment. When we were younger he was very forceful with his punishments so beatings were common- even for stuff like me getting an answer wrong in my homework. I feel like he probably regrets some of it, but of course, he would never openly apologise or make up for his past. Whenever someone refers to my dad, I automatically get this negative feeling in my mind, regardless of what is about to be said. It really makes me jealous seeing people (especially girls like me) bonding with their dad and refering to him as their 'hero' etc, because its so damn unrelatable I hate to say it. but I feel like he has caused a lot dysfunction that has happened within my family.
 
 
 
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