I'm 20 years old and identify as a biromantic asexual.
I've never had a relationship (due to lack of desire, really) but am recently curious about it.
However I'm nervous about even attempting one due to my asexuality.
Has anybody here who is also asexual have a relationship and how did it work out? e.g. did you have sex just for your partner? refuse sex and break up? or what????
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Relationships as an asexual watch
- Thread Starter
- 07-01-2017 22:04
- Community Assistant
- 10-01-2017 18:16
How would a relationship differ from a friendship for you?
- Thread Starter
- 10-01-2017 20:50
- 19-01-2017 15:08
I identify exactly as you do, Anon, I am 20 also.
I struggled at first, telling my partner that sex wasn't on the table at all as at the time, it truly appalled me and I couldn't process it in my head, anything/everything about sex confused and disturbed me.
A whole year later, we're in a great place. Lots and lots of constant communication about how we were feeling, how we both think and how to reach compromises. I remember reading this report once on 'sex with an asexual', and it rather bluntly insisted that "to compromise on an asexual's attitudes about sex is as bad as rape", which scared me initially. Was that true? "Is that how it should be?" I thought.
No, no that's NOT how it should be and "it's different for every asexual" is so very true.
From my point of view, I personally still do not feel any desire, want or chemical urge to have sex with my partner. However the want to please them, entertain them, give myself to them is enough for me to pursue it further. We get different things out of sex, but ultimately bond over the intimacy and how close (literally) we can get. It really fuses us, which I don't mind.
To answer your question (in a roundabout way), a relationship with an asexual is totally possible, and common, and shouldn't be scary! It involves a lot more communication for sure, but you'll find that opening that fluid, constantly-flowing channel of communication will benefit you and your partner is a lot more ways than just your sex life! Please always be clear and honest with your partner regarding any sexual activity you may partake with them.. it might be awkward to initially be that honest but I promise, it's worth it. The more unfortunate outcomes of miscommunication can be.. quite honestly heartbreaking.
They may not understand, they may assume and they may overstep boundaries, but they're human and must be forgiven and educated.. they deserve a healthy, functional sexual encounter as much as an asexual does!
Best wishes on your adventures!