Hello you'll have to excuse me if there's any mistakes in this post as I'm writing at 2am (Because that's the perfect time to divulge personal issues). So I'm a year 13 male student who has cerebral palsy meaning I'm in a wheelchair for long distances and have a social communication disorder, and to put it bluntly I feel lonely currently outside of family.
So I'll start from the event that sparked this post and move backwards, I was talking to my ex about an hour ago (LDR USA-UK, and broke up after she became interested in someone and decided to stay friends, this was both our first relationship.)
However we've only talked twice since this occurred, and when we talked this evening, about ten minutes into the conversation she said that didn't want to get into another LDR as they were childish, with her reasoning being so many things could go wrong, which I accepted but said that they weren't childish as there was an underlying bond. Now I better illustrate for this next bit she had become a bit worked up as we discussed school and she ranted about a teacher who she dislikes for about 15 minutes. She then began saying that I'll find someone better then her down the road, someone who didn't care about my hard judgement and being belittled to name some of the feelings she listed. I responded by apologising that she felt that way and that I still cared about her as her friend and she apologised for being so harsh in her wording and explained that on reflection she didn't like bits of relationship before she had to leave.
This has kinda left me tossing and turning as I worry about my other relationships and how they view me as well, I never go out with friends and I don't really have anyone to turn to friend-wise to discuss these problems with. My family are concerned as well with my mum asking me every week or so why I've never invited a person around to our house in the whole time spent in secondary school. I have tried to change this over the past fortnight, trying to arrange a meet-up for the group of friends I tag along with at sixth-form (which went downhill fast talking sticker spamming in 5 minutes.) and trying to start some conversations up on Facebook with some people in that group but to no real avail or the conversation dries up (I can't message classmates because I only have 3 across all 4 A-levels I take). The main problem I think I have is social confidence, I feel in part due to my disability I will be a burden to those around me and that they'd be better off without me as they'll be able to enjoy themselves regardless of my presence, and thus struggle to ask if I can come or ask if I can join a group chat.
I don't want these problems to persist into university, but I honestly don't know what on earth to do, and so I would appreciate any advise you guys could give me, thank you for taking the time to read this, and please feel free to ask me any questions.
When can you expect yours?