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Need general relationship advice (Long sorry about that). Watch

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    Hello you'll have to excuse me if there's any mistakes in this post as I'm wrote most of it at 2am (Because that's the perfect time to divulge personal issues). So I'm a year 13 male student who has cerebral palsy meaning I'm in a wheelchair for long distances and have a social communication disorder, and to put it bluntly I feel lonely currently outside of family.

    So I'll start from the event that sparked this post and move backwards, I was talking to my ex about an hour ago (LDR USA-UK, and broke up after she became interested in someone and decided to stay friends, this was both our first relationship.)

    However we've only talked twice since this occurred, and when we talked this evening, about ten minutes into the conversation she said that didn't want to get into another LDR as they were childish, with her reasoning being so many things could go wrong, which I accepted but said that they weren't childish as there was an underlying bond. Now I better illustrate for this next bit she had become a bit worked up as we discussed school and she ranted about a teacher who she dislikes for about 15 minutes. She then began saying that I'll find someone better then her down the road, someone who didn't care about my hard judgement and being belittled to name some of the feelings she listed. I responded by apologising that she felt that way and that I still cared about her as her friend and she apologised for being so harsh in her wording and explained that on reflection she didn't like bits of relationship before she had to leave.

    This has kinda left me tossing and turning as I worry about my other relationships and how they view me as well, I never go out with friends and I don't really have anyone to turn to friend-wise to discuss these problems with. My family are concerned as well with my mum asking me every week or so why I've never invited a person around to our house in the whole time spent in secondary school. I have tried to change this over the past fortnight, trying to arrange a meet-up for the group of friends I tag along with at sixth-form (which went downhill fast talking sticker spamming in 5 minutes.) and trying to start some conversations up on Facebook with some people in that group but to no real avail or the conversation dries up (I can't message classmates because I only have 3 across all 4 A-levels I take).

    The main problem I think I have is social confidence, I feel in part due to my disability I will be a burden to those around me and that they'd be better off without me as they'll be able to enjoy themselves regardless of my presence, and thus struggle to ask if I can come or ask if I can join a group chat. I don't want these problems to persist into university, but I honestly don't know what on earth to do, and so I would appreciate any advise you guys could give me, thank you for taking the time to read this, and please feel free to ask me any questions.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello you'll have to excuse me if there's any mistakes in this post as I'm wrote most of it at 2am (Because that's the perfect time to divulge personal issues). So I'm a year 13 male student who has cerebral palsy meaning I'm in a wheelchair for long distances and have a social communication disorder, and to put it bluntly I feel lonely currently outside of family.

    So I'll start from the event that sparked this post and move backwards, I was talking to my ex about an hour ago (LDR USA-UK, and broke up after she became interested in someone and decided to stay friends, this was both our first relationship.)

    However we've only talked twice since this occurred, and when we talked this evening, about ten minutes into the conversation she said that didn't want to get into another LDR as they were childish, with her reasoning being so many things could go wrong, which I accepted but said that they weren't childish as there was an underlying bond. Now I better illustrate for this next bit she had become a bit worked up as we discussed school and she ranted about a teacher who she dislikes for about 15 minutes. She then began saying that I'll find someone better then her down the road, someone who didn't care about my hard judgement and being belittled to name some of the feelings she listed. I responded by apologising that she felt that way and that I still cared about her as her friend and she apologised for being so harsh in her wording and explained that on reflection she didn't like bits of relationship before she had to leave.

    This has kinda left me tossing and turning as I worry about my other relationships and how they view me as well, I never go out with friends and I don't really have anyone to turn to friend-wise to discuss these problems with. My family are concerned as well with my mum asking me every week or so why I've never invited a person around to our house in the whole time spent in secondary school. I have tried to change this over the past fortnight, trying to arrange a meet-up for the group of friends I tag along with at sixth-form (which went downhill fast talking sticker spamming in 5 minutes.) and trying to start some conversations up on Facebook with some people in that group but to no real avail or the conversation dries up (I can't message classmates because I only have 3 across all 4 A-levels I take).

    The main problem I think I have is social confidence, I feel in part due to my disability I will be a burden to those around me and that they'd be better off without me as they'll be able to enjoy themselves regardless of my presence, and thus struggle to ask if I can come or ask if I can join a group chat. I don't want these problems to persist into university, but I honestly don't know what on earth to do, and so I would appreciate any advise you guys could give me, thank you for taking the time to read this, and please feel free to ask me any questions.
    I'm a bit confused as you've said you're 13 and doing A levels? Are you doing them really early or was it a typo?
    In my opinion LDRs don't often work out because there's not much or any physical contact with them, which is important in any relationship. There's also not much besides texting/video calls that keeps them from just drifting away.
    She clearly didn't consider your feelings so probably isn't worth worrying about.

    My cousin also has cerebral palsy, although he's much younger and goes to a school for children with similar disabilities so doesn't have the same experience as you. However I don't think it's something that should make people not want to be friends with you or affect your social life. It could simply be that you just haven't found the right type of people yet.
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    (Original post by Shan_non)
    I'm a bit confused as you've said you're 13 and doing A levels? Are you doing them really early or was it a typo?
    In my opinion LDRs don't often work out because there's not much or any physical contact with them, which is important in any relationship. There's also not much besides texting/video calls that keeps them from just drifting away.
    She clearly didn't consider your feelings so probably isn't worth worrying about.

    My cousin also has cerebral palsy, although he's much younger and goes to a school for children with similar disabilities so doesn't have the same experience as you. However I don't think it's something that should make people not want to be friends with you or affect your social life. It could simply be that you just haven't found the right type of people yet.
    He said he's in yr 13 not that hes 13


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    (Original post by DamnDaniel2)
    He said he's in yr 13 not that hes 13


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    Oh yeah, sorry😂
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Shan_non)
    I'm a bit confused as you've said you're 13 and doing A levels? Are you doing them really early or was it a typo?
    In my opinion LDRs don't often work out because there's not much or any physical contact with them, which is important in any relationship. There's also not much besides texting/video calls that keeps them from just drifting away.
    She clearly didn't consider your feelings so probably isn't worth worrying about.

    My cousin also has cerebral palsy, although he's much younger and goes to a school for children with similar disabilities so doesn't have the same experience as you. However I don't think it's something that should make people not want to be friends with you or affect your social life. It could simply be that you just haven't found the right type of people yet.
    Yeah sadly I'm not that talented, I think 13 year old me would've had a meltdown under the pressure. I think you're absolutely right, in regards to a lot of LDRs falling through due to the lack of physical contact, like the age old saying 'actions speak louder then words' and being able to hug someone when they're upset is going to work a lot better then having to console them over Skype. In part I think I was just annoyed at the fact she branded the relationship as childish when we had been together for just under 2 years.

    I was actually very close to being in a specialist school like your cousin when I went into primary school but my parents argued against this, and so I ended up in mainstream education. I do hope that is the case, I'm actually going to the university on Saturday for what seems to be essentially a private open day for offer recipients, which was another factor in making this thread, so hopefully I might run into a nice group of people there.

    In regards to the disability affecting my social life, I think personally I'm more worried about the barriers it creates. For example when I'm at a bus stop and having to wait for a bus with an empty wheelchair space which in turn results in other people having to wait with me as well (It's like having to roll a 5 or 6 on a dice but you only get to try every 7 minutes). Or just the fact I can't really spontaneously go somewhere with people like the beach without seeing if I can get around easily. So I end up worrying I'll cause more hassle then I'm worth so to say.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah sadly I'm not that talented, I think 13 year old me would've had a meltdown under the pressure. I think you're absolutely right, in regards to a lot of LDRs falling through due to the lack of physical contact, like the age old saying 'actions speak louder then words' and being able to hug someone when they're upset is going to work a lot better then having to console them over Skype. In part I think I was just annoyed at the fact she branded the relationship as childish when we had been together for just under 2 years.

    I was actually very close to being in a specialist school like your cousin when I went into primary school but my parents argued against this, and so I ended up in mainstream education. I do hope that is the case, I'm actually going to the university on Saturday for what seems to be essentially a private open day for offer recipients, which was another factor in making this thread, so hopefully I might run into a nice group of people there.

    In regards to the disability affecting my social life, I think personally I'm more worried about the barriers it creates. For example when I'm at a bus stop and having to wait for a bus with an empty wheelchair space which in turn results in other people having to wait with me as well (It's like having to roll a 5 or 6 on a dice but you only get to try every 7 minutes). Or just the fact I can't really spontaneously go somewhere with people like the beach without seeing if I can get around easily. So I end up worrying I'll cause more hassle then I'm worth so to say.
    Yeah I didn't read it properly haha😂.
    Yeah, that's anything but childish, I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and can't imagine how it must feel for you.
    I'm hoping for the same thing, I'm going to Lincoln's offer holder day this month, hopefully will get on with some people.
    Ah, that makes sense, it does sound quite difficult. Hopefully you'll find some new more considerate friends at uni,
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    (Original post by Shan_non)
    Yeah I didn't read it properly haha😂.
    Yeah, that's anything but childish, I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and can't imagine how it must feel for you.
    I'm hoping for the same thing, I'm going to Lincoln's offer holder day this month, hopefully will get on with some people.
    Ah, that makes sense, it does sound quite difficult. Hopefully you'll find some new more considerate friends at uni,
    Congratulations on your 2 years together, and I hope Lincoln goes well for you as well. Thank you I'm definitely going to throw myself into the uni lifestyle so I'm bound to meet some nice people along the way, and the thought of that happening has actually gotten me excited all things considered.
 
 
 
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