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couples - do you have separate food? Watch

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    I've lived with my boyfriend for 2 years. We recently moved and are living in a very small studio with a tiny kitchenette. I do 99% of the food shopping which is fine because he works long hours and I only work part time so I prefer to get the household chores done so that when he gets home we can spend time together. We're both athletic and eat quite a lot but obviously with a tiny kitchen area we don't have space to store much so it usually means nipping to the shop every other day at least.

    We just had a big argument because I ate some food he bought. The other day he did some shopping and came home all 'give me praise because I did shopping for us'. I went to the shop yesterday and noticed we had enough snack food in for the weekend so didn't buy more. Then when I ate some of the food he'd bought he got really annoyed because it's 'his' and I should 'ask'?! He is always eating stuff I buy - because to me if I shop I shop for us both! I really don't think there should be stuff in my fridge that I'm not allowed to eat... If it was a bag of crisps I know he loves obviously I wouldn't have them but if it's just bread or cheese I think it's ridiculous.
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    If he wanted the food to be specifically his, he should have let you know. If he eats the food you buy all the time, then of course you're going to assume that any groceries he buys is also communal.
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    He's kinda making it into a big deal, which it isn't. Sleep on it, and if it still bothers him he's being petty.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've lived with my boyfriend for 2 years. We recently moved and are living in a very small studio with a tiny kitchenette. I do 99% of the food shopping which is fine because he works long hours and I only work part time so I prefer to get the household chores done so that when he gets home we can spend time together. We're both athletic and eat quite a lot but obviously with a tiny kitchen area we don't have space to store much so it usually means nipping to the shop every other day at least.

    We just had a big argument because I ate some food he bought. The other day he did some shopping and came home all 'give me praise because I did shopping for us'. I went to the shop yesterday and noticed we had enough snack food in for the weekend so didn't buy more. Then when I ate some of the food he'd bought he got really annoyed because it's 'his' and I should 'ask'?! He is always eating stuff I buy - because to me if I shop I shop for us both! I really don't think there should be stuff in my fridge that I'm not allowed to eat... If it was a bag of crisps I know he loves obviously I wouldn't have them but if it's just bread or cheese I think it's ridiculous.
    It's very concerning that you lived together for two years and he won't share food with you. do you both pay equal amounts towards the food bill or have an arrangement for paying for things that suits you both?
    The majority of our food is bought on our joint account but if we did buy anything with our personal accounts then we'd still happily share it anyway, like we share everything else.
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    wow what a real ****!

    you should be saying all this to him. why is he allowed to eat your food but you can't eat 'his'? pathetic little man, give him hell for it, he was being totally unreasonable. set him straight otherwise he'll keep doing it. or next time tell him that he can't eat 'your' food!
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    You need to talk to him and find out what the deal is with food because it does sound like a double standard.

    Every couple has their own way of doing things but that isn't normal. Surely if you are living together there must be some concept of you as unit otherwise you are roommates who have sex. That means sharing things.

    We are married so work on a 'all that I have I give to you' basis. Having said that a bit of common sense is applied. Like I won't eat all of something before she has had any unless it is obviously for me. We can both tell based on the item whether the other person bought it for themselves and know not to eat all. We share everything though. If you buy something just for yourself and the other person wants half, that is your fault for not buying two. She knows what I eat and if there is doubt, she will sometimes tell me not to eat it if it is for a specific purpose.

    Bread and cheese though? That is crazy. Do you have to ask to use each other's loo roll?
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      Okay, maybe he bought himself some special treats. BUT he should have told you that he wanted to eat them. How were you to know?:lol: Just tell him that he needs to tell you if there's something he's saving for himself.
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      (Original post by claireestelle)
      It's very concerning that you lived together for two years and he won't share food with you. do you both pay equal amounts towards the food bill or have an arrangement for paying for things that suits you both?
      The majority of our food is bought on our joint account but if we did buy anything with our personal accounts then we'd still happily share it anyway, like we share everything else.
      yeah he pays all the bills (since he earns more and pays a larger share) and then over the month we keep a basic track on who has paid for what and try and end so that he 'owes me' the amount I pay to the rent - i.e. I've paid £X more than him towards food/meals out/etc - which works well given I'm always the one doing the shopping... I'm happy not having a shared account or anything like that as I prefer to have control over my own finance and tbh he is not great with his money (never to the point it would put us in trouble he just buys lunch out and drinks a lot of coke, that sort of stuff) so I'd rather not feel like I have to average him out or anything

      but he says he was upset because this happens 'everytime' he buys food (which is about 3x in the last 5 months) and this time I knew there would be enough food for me to have some and him still have plenty to eat, the last time he bought chicken and I ate it as it was going out of date and I knew he wouldn't be home that day to eat it, and the only other time I was on my way to the shop to replace something I ate so there'd be enough when he came home early one day

      tbh I think I'll probably just say fine we'll have separate food, I guess it will take about 3 days before he decides he wants a snack that he doesn't have and admits it's a stupid system for a couple living together
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      (Original post by Anonymous)
      yeah he pays all the bills (since he earns more and pays a larger share) and then over the month we keep a basic track on who has paid for what and try and end so that he 'owes me' the amount I pay to the rent - i.e. I've paid £X more than him towards food/meals out/etc - which works well given I'm always the one doing the shopping... I'm happy not having a shared account or anything like that as I prefer to have control over my own finance and tbh he is not great with his money (never to the point it would put us in trouble he just buys lunch out and drinks a lot of coke, that sort of stuff) so I'd rather not feel like I have to average him out or anything

      but he says he was upset because this happens 'everytime' he buys food (which is about 3x in the last 5 months) and this time I knew there would be enough food for me to have some and him still have plenty to eat, the last time he bought chicken and I ate it as it was going out of date and I knew he wouldn't be home that day to eat it, and the only other time I was on my way to the shop to replace something I ate so there'd be enough when he came home early one day

      tbh I think I'll probably just say fine we'll have separate food, I guess it will take about 3 days before he decides he wants a snack that he doesn't have and admits it's a stupid system for a couple living together
      Different things work for different people, but I agree buying separate food just doesnt work. It seems silly to argue over food like that, unless it's him being angry for something else and he's just saying it's that, maybe he feels that because he pays all the bills that he shouldn't share things?.
      It's fair enough if you dont want a shared account, it does make it easier keeping track of things, it's part of the reason we have one.
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      Wow can't he just go to the shop and buy it again instead of making a big deal out of it?You share a house but you can't share food?
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      If he is going to be like that, ask him to put his name on things that are his.
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      (Original post by claireestelle)
      Different things work for different people, but I agree buying separate food just doesnt work. It seems silly to argue over food like that, unless it's him being angry for something else and he's just saying it's that, maybe he feels that because he pays all the bills that he shouldn't share things?.
      It's fair enough if you dont want a shared account, it does make it easier keeping track of things, it's part of the reason we have one.
      I pay him back for most of the bills. He does end up paying more than me but not by a huge margin (maybe £50-100 a month as what I earn + therefore contribute changes each month) given how much more he earns. You're right though, maybe something else is up, he has been pretty stressed recently so it could be that, I'll talk to him again.
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      (Original post by Anonymous)
      I really don't think there should be stuff in my fridge that I'm not allowed to eat...

      lmao

      quote of the day right there.

      I dunno, maybe you ate his pengest munch?
      or maybe since he contributes more £ .. he feels entitled to more...


      seems like you need to sit down and sort this out
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      (Original post by Anonymous)
      I pay him back for most of the bills. He does end up paying more than me but not by a huge margin (maybe £50-100 a month as what I earn + therefore contribute changes each month) given how much more he earns. You're right though, maybe something else is up, he has been pretty stressed recently so it could be that, I'll talk to him again.
      If it's not a huge margin then I d bet it's something else.
     
     
     
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