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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Anyone else have issues like this?

    I'm 21, training to be a healthcare professional (don't want to be too specific in case said controlling parents decide to stalk tsr- stranger things have happened in thsi house). I work two jobs on top of uni and placement and do voluntary work so I feel like I'm a pretty decent person.

    I don't really go out drinking as I'm so busy all the time, and I'm living at home because I drive and it's cheaper than being in a uni house.

    Just having some major issues recently with my parents. My sister is 18 and will be starting uni in September, she has recently started going out with her friends to clubs etc and every time she goes out my mom gets all worked up announcing that she will die if she goes out etc, so far nothing bad has happened to her? Last time she went out my mom and dad refused to talk to me for two days because I "encouraged" her to go out and have fun with her friends.

    I'm currently trying to write my dissertation (due on the 27th) but every time I try to work in the evenings (I am more of a night owl) my mom will come into my room and tell me it's time to go to sleep at 1am- wtaf? I didn't realise 21 year olds still have bedtimes!!

    It also seems as though every time I sit down to work on it during the day they come and distract me. There are no libraries nearby (I live in a very rural area) and much as I would love to go and do my work at nearby relatives houses, none of them have wifi so I wouldn't be able to do research.

    I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years, he is 26. He has his own flat, a good job but lives too far from uni for me to move in with him. My parents refuse to allow him to sleep in my bedroom- they aren't religious (We all consider ourselves to be devout atheists), I just get the "He can't sleep in your room because I said so." response every time I question it.

    My mom even admits she has mental health issues but won't access support for them, and now it is really starting to grate on me. I can't even have a calm and mature conversation with her as she will immediately flare up and start screaming/shouting or go straight into "because I said so" mode. Anyone got any advice? Losing the will to live right now.
    • #2
    #2

    By any chance are your parents Asian? Your story reminds me of my own parents.

    It sounds like there is no point taking to them as they are unreasonable and very set in their ways. My parents would also frequently tell me that if I went out, then I would be murdered or raped. They hate the idea of me having a boyfriend and against sex before marriage, despite not being religious.
    • #2
    #2

    My advice would be to move out if possible, and limit contact with your parents. Unfortunately, until then there isn't much you can do.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    By any chance are your parents Asian? Your story reminds me of my own parents.

    It sounds like there is no point taking to them as they are unreasonable and very set in their ways. My parents would also frequently tell me that if I went out, then I would be murdered or raped. They hate the idea of me having a boyfriend and against sex before marriage, despite not being religious.
    No actually they're caucasian, but funnily enough a few of my asian friends have commented how my parents are actually more controlling than theirs!! :albertein:

    The really strange thing about my boyfriend is that he has his own place so obviously we share a bed when I stop over there (I drive which at least makes it harder for my parents to stop me from going over to his. Although the first time I made the trip- about 20 miles down the M6- my mom told me I was going to die) so it's not like they're under any illusions that I'm not sexually active
    • #2
    #2

    Your mother sounds especially juvenile. Perhaps the not seeking mental health help is because she fears stigmatisation. I am pretty certain my mother has mental health issues, but would never admit to sue. She has been domestically abuse towards the family in the past. When angry she would trash rooms and set things on fire. She has threatened to injure herself many several times to get her own way. However, we didn't choose our mothers and they are not our responsibility. Move out whenever you can and lead your own life.
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    Why not leave home? You are 21 after all.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by ByEeek)
    Why not leave home? You are 21 after all.
    Erm. Still studying at uni, money, where would I go?

    Don't really want to waste money on rent either when my boyfriend and I are saving for a mortgage...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Erm. Still studying at uni, money, where would I go?

    Don't really want to waste money on rent either when my boyfriend and I are saving for a mortgage...
    I think that is the rub. Whilst you are still at home rent free, you're going to have to put up with whatever your parents grow at you. Reasonable or not.
 
 
 
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