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    My son has returned to his halls for his second term and is so unhappy. He's just not settling, made any friends and is so lonely. He's not too bothered about having an active nightlife, preferring sports and watching films. However, he's too shy to join clubs, especially ones that are quite established and don't have many new people joining as most people joined in Fresher's Week. He did join one but it's seasonal and has ended for the time being. He's just spending so much time on his own, apart from when he's at lectures. Anyone feeling like this or have any advice?
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    (Original post by Worriedparents)
    My son has returned to his halls for his second term and is so unhappy. He's just not settling, made any friends and is so lonely. He's not too bothered about having an active nightlife, preferring sports and watching films. However, he's too shy to join clubs, especially ones that are quite established and don't have many new people joining as most people joined in Fresher's Week. He did join one but it's seasonal and has ended for the time being. He's just spending so much time on his own, apart from when he's at lectures. Anyone feeling like this or have any advice?
    What uni does he go to?

    I'd really encourage him to join societies; they are great. There's probably even a society that just watches films together, or watching sports.
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    (Original post by KyleH123)
    What uni pleasedoes he go to?

    I'd really encourage him to join societies; they are great. There's probably even a society that just watches films together, or watching sports.
    He is at Newcastle uni, I suggested so much to him - go to S.U , join a club - he's lost so much confidence. I really wish their was a student mentor scheme. Thanks for your reply.
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    (Original post by Worriedparents)
    He is at Newcastle uni, I suggested so much to him - go to S.U , join a club - he's lost so much confidence. I really wish their was a student mentor scheme. Thanks for your reply.
    I know he's meant to be independent, but would there be any harm in you contacting the uni/his tutor and telling them this?
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    I would defo suggest he increases his confidence step by step. take part in out of uni clubs maybe? do fun debate clubs etc that will give him the confidence to be an individual with a voice. No joke he could join a dance class or something out side of uni and he may find some newcastle students. he could also volunteer or get a job because i met a lot of people through that way. the main thing here is we need him to become more confident, so i would say going out a lot as a family and socialise with family and friends(it works because my mum realised we all didnt go out much as a family so she made us all go out together to meet with cousins and go to the park etc and i bonded with loads a people). then he can introduce himeself to others at uni when he gains confidence! Im only in college but my brother is very popular in his university and he says he met them all through clubs and friends of roomates and just going out. i hope he finds his happiness
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    (Original post by KyleH123)
    I know he's meant to be independent, but would there be any harm in you contacting the uni/his tutor and telling them this?
    I contacted S.U in October as he was struggling then, they said to tell him to come and see them but he wouldn't go. They won't contact him which I understand, he has to go to them. I may contact his tutor though, although I'm not sure what they/or will do, he wants to transfer to a local uni and I don't think his tutor is aware of this. He says he will stick it out this year but he hates it. I just think he needs to meet some like minded people as loneliness is awful. Also, to come home may seem like the best idea now but in the long term he may regret it.
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    (Original post by Worriedparents)
    I may contact his tutor though
    If you're going to do this, I'd highly recommend you ask him if that's okay to do first. I'm not enjoying my time at uni, but if my parents got in touch with any of the staff (or even the student union!), I'd be too embarrassed to ever speak to whoever they contacted!!
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    (Original post by Jp Ahmad)
    I would defo suggest he increases his confidence step by step. take part in out of uni clubs maybe? do fun debate clubs etc that will give him the confidence to be an individual with a voice. No joke he could join a dance class or something out side of uni and he may find some newcastle students. he could also volunteer or get a job because i met a lot of people through that way. the main thing here is we need him to become more confident, so i would say going out a lot as a family and socialise with family and friends(it works because my mum realised we all didnt go out much as a family so she made us all go out together to meet with cousins and go to the park etc and i bonded with loads a people). then he can introduce himeself to others at uni when he gains confidence! Im only in college but my brother is very popular in his university and he says he met them all through clubs and friends of roomates and just going out. i hope he finds his happiness
    Im sure yoyr mum is very proud of you, that was a beautiful reply and I greatly appreciate your advice. Often when your a parent, you feel your advice just gets ignored, I've suggested he looks for a small part time job, it doesn't have to be all about clubbing and drinking! He just shrugs - when he's home he's definitely happier - not jumping for joy happiness, but better. When he's at uni - he just seems empty - but it could be one of the best experiences of his life, if he let it be. I don't want him to be depressed, I wish I could just magic some self esteem! There must be so many others at uni who feel like this, I wish the uni could get them together. It seems easy to be invisible at uni.
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    (Original post by Telllo)
    If you're going to do this, I'd highly recommend you ask him if that's okay to do first. I'm not enjoying my time at uni, but if my parents got in touch with any of the staff (or even the student union!), I'd be too embarrassed to ever speak to whoever they contacted!!
    Absolutely - it's a fine line to tread as a parent - you are worried sick but you have to let them go. I didn't mention his name when I contacted S.U - and I have to stop myself from ringing again! (I won't) May I ask why your struggling? Has anything helped you?
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    (Original post by Worriedparents)
    Im sure yoyr mum is very proud of you, that was a beautiful reply and I greatly appreciate your advice. Often when your a parent, you feel your advice just gets ignored, I've suggested he looks for a small part time job, it doesn't have to be all about clubbing and drinking! He just shrugs - when he's home he's definitely happier - not jumping for joy happiness, but better. When he's at uni - he just seems empty - but it could be one of the best experiences of his life, if he let it be. I don't want him to be depressed, I wish I could just magic some self esteem! There must be so many others at uni who feel like this, I wish the uni could get them together. It seems easy to be invisible at uni.
    Thankyou for that comment and I just typed in 'no friends at university' and a whole tonne of stuff came up with lots of people experiencing the same thing and there's a lot of really good advice on all these websites aswell as forums etc, i think checking that all out will maybe give you some answers as well as relaxing your mind a bit knowing your child isnt the only one going through this! for example this is a forum made by some random person which happens to be on tsr:
    https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/sho....php?t=4224606
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    (Original post by Jp Ahmad)
    Thankyou for that comment and I just typed in 'no friends at university' and a whole tonne of stuff came up with lots of people experiencing the same thing and there's a lot of really good advice on all these websites aswell as forums etc, i think checking that all out will maybe give you some answers as well as relaxing your mind a bit knowing your child isnt the only one going through this! for example this is a forum made by some random person which happens to be on tsr:
    https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/sho....php?t=4224606
    Thank you so much for the link, I read it with interest. There seems to be a lot of people out there who've faced similar experiences. I will tentatively suggest he Google's 'being at uni without friends' and see if that helps him. Even having 'online' people to chat to about it could help him. Everyone portrays a great uni lifestyle, whereas for many the reality is very different. Best of luck with your studies and thanks again.
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    Oh I'm so sorry, what a horrible situation

    I don't know if it'll help ease your worries, but Newcastle is one of the friendliest cities in the country. Friends etc won't fall in his lap, but if he puts himself out there, he definitely won't be pushed away! I hope it works out.
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    I know this is quite a late reply but you said he liked sports and was fairly quiet/didn't want to join well established clubs... has he thought about caving? We're really quite a small, friendly group and a fair few of us are quiet people too. We meet every Tuesday in the pub and usually have weekend trips every couple of weeks. New members join throughout the year so it's not too late to start! It's not the best publicised club/society but I've tried a few and this is by far the best and everyone is so easy to get on with.


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    There is a refreshers event at Newcastle Uni, which would give him a chance to have a look at any societies. I am also a first-year student at Newcastle Uni. Has the situation improved at all? There are nice people but sometimes it can take a while to find them. I don't think you or he should give up hope.
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    Hi I've just read your posts and it just seemed as if I was reading about myself and my son last year. How are things now?
 
 
 
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