Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Me and my bf have been together over a year. When we first got together we were all over each other and it felt like it would always be that way.
    Now, one year down the line, I have depression and anxiety and am not in the mood for sex as often as I used to be.
    My bf just had a go at me over the phone because he said "You promised you'd always have a high libido and you don't so you lied to me," and he said all he wanted was "a girl who was always up for it".
    He's always been really kind and caring and it's true that my sex drive has been lower lately. However, I think in relationships you're supposed to share the bad times as well as the good and this makes me feel like he only ever wanted someone to regularly have sex with?
    • TSR Support Team
    Offline

    19
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Me and my bf have been together over a year. When we first got together we were all over each other and it felt like it would always be that way.
    Now, one year down the line, I have depression and anxiety and am not in the mood for sex as often as I used to be.
    My bf just had a go at me over the phone because he said "You promised you'd always have a high libido and you don't so you lied to me," and he said all he wanted was "a girl who was always up for it".
    He's always been really kind and caring and it's true that my sex drive has been lower lately. However, I think in relationships you're supposed to share the bad times as well as the good and this makes me feel like he only ever wanted someone to regularly have sex with?
    I think he is being very unfair, everyone goes through a dip like this where they don't want sex. The way he has worded it all suggests all he wants is sex.
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    I wouldn't conclusively say he JUST wants sex. He does want it but you've been together for over a year and I very much doubt that's the only thing that draws him to you he's just a sexually frustrated dude behaving like a sexually frustrated dude.
    Sit down with him and talk it through, let him know the way he's been acting has upset you. Communication = key
    • Political Ambassador
    • Welcome Squad
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    Ditch, or talk it out.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Omg definitely ditch him he obviously doesn't care about YOU so ditch him there's plenty of guys who don't just want sex


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • Very Important Poster
    Online

    19
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Me and my bf have been together over a year. When we first got together we were all over each other and it felt like it would always be that way.
    Now, one year down the line, I have depression and anxiety and am not in the mood for sex as often as I used to be.
    My bf just had a go at me over the phone because he said "You promised you'd always have a high libido and you don't so you lied to me," and he said all he wanted was "a girl who was always up for it".
    He's always been really kind and caring and it's true that my sex drive has been lower lately. However, I think in relationships you're supposed to share the bad times as well as the good and this makes me feel like he only ever wanted someone to regularly have sex with?
    Sex is often an important part of a relationship and when he has to do without, then I can understand his frustration. That said relationships should be about mutual support and because you can and wnat o lppk pit for the wellbeing of the other. At the moment it sounds like you are in need of support to help lesson and pull you through the stress and anxiety. It sounds like he doesnt understand this, isnt being supportive or patient enough and his own needs have ot the better of him.

    You have to work out whether this is one time only and otherwise he is doing enough to help you as you are his partner. You also have to think if he has a point (it sounds immature and selfish to me).

    You probably need to speak to him and if he isnt interested in helping then I'd consider knowing that is the limts of your relationship and it wont survive future no sex periods.

    Probably unfair to say he only wanted someone to have sex with , but not unfair to say it was an importnat part of picking a partner and remains so whatever difficulties you are going through. Imo if he loved you then he should understand and abstain for a period in an effort to support and help you with your streess and anxiety. Its unfair to throw it in your face that way. You will have to decide what you feel for him, whether you have a future and whether you can reach a compromise. I certainly wouldnt wnat sex unless it was mutual and someone who is stressed and axious needs looking after not pressuring.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    Stop listening to the infantile posters.

    When you're super horny AND stressed for whatever you reason you say stupid **** like "All I wanted was a girl who was always up for it"

    What he means by this is NOT the only that he cares about in a relationship is getting sex.

    He's saying that he doesn't care about your other flaws, he acknowledges them and is fine with them, the biggest flaw in a person to him is a low libido... Which is fair enough for some people it is!

    Still, he should be supporting you in this time. It's super hard to do anything sexual if you just aren't in the mood. It ends up just being awkward. He needs to acknowledge that and try to help you rather than ranting at you.

    (Original post by MadVisionary)
    I wouldn't conclusively say he JUST wants sex. He does want it but you've been together for over a year and I very much doubt that's the only thing that draws him to you he's just a sexually frustrated dude behaving like a sexually frustrated dude.
    Sit down with him and talk it through, let him know the way he's been acting has upset you. Communication = key
    This poster gets it...

    He wouldn't have stuck around you for over a year if he just wanted sex (unless he's pathetic and really ugly but...)
    • Offline

      20
      (Original post by Anonymous)
      Me and my bf have been together over a year. When we first got together we were all over each other and it felt like it would always be that way.
      Now, one year down the line, I have depression and anxiety and am not in the mood for sex as often as I used to be.
      My bf just had a go at me over the phone because he said "You promised you'd always have a high libido and you don't so you lied to me," and he said all he wanted was "a girl who was always up for it".
      He's always been really kind and caring and it's true that my sex drive has been lower lately. However, I think in relationships you're supposed to share the bad times as well as the good and this makes me feel like he only ever wanted someone to regularly have sex with?
      Get rid. You don't need that.
      Offline

      12
      ReputationRep:
      I agree that his attitude is poor, but it's also worth remembering that sex is an important part of a relationship, and it can be VERY frustrating being in a sexless relationship. Trust me, I know.

      What are you doing to help combat your anxiety/depression? That's the most important issue here.
      • #1
      • Thread Starter
      #1

      (Original post by SpiritSharD)
      I agree that his attitude is poor, but it's also worth remembering that sex is an important part of a relationship, and it can be VERY frustrating being in a sexless relationship. Trust me, I know.

      What are you doing to help combat your anxiety/depression? That's the most important issue here.
      Yeah I understand that, I think I'd find it frustrating if I was in his position too. He has been incredibly supportive and caring of me it just seems as though he got annoyed today. I get that it's hard to be in a relationship with someone with a mental illness.

      I'm due to start counselling on Thursday and also to meet with my GP to discuss medication.
      Offline

      12
      ReputationRep:
      (Original post by Anonymous)
      Yeah I understand that, I think I'd find it frustrating if I was in his position too. He has been incredibly supportive and caring of me it just seems as though he got annoyed today. I get that it's hard to be in a relationship with someone with a mental illness.

      I'm due to start counselling on Thursday and also to meet with my GP to discuss medication.
      Well if it's a one-off comment sounds like he was just in a bad mood; we're only human at the end of the day, and it happens. People are very quick to judge and say "get rid", but it doesn't seem as if it's a regular occurrence?

      Good that you're taking steps for your mental health, and I'm happy for you. Keep it up! Keep trying to work on yourself in this area and you'll reap the benefits, including your sex drive returning.
      Offline

      1
      ReputationRep:
      I would send him a message either via email or through SMS detailing your concerns (a few thousand words?). If you view your relationship is not appropriate for your needs, send a message giving him notice to leave you.
      Offline

      18
      ReputationRep:
      Libido mismatch creeps in in most long term relationships and cause quite a lot of angst. Some pretty insensitive words but if he's otherwise kind and considerate and the relationship is good I don't think it's unforgivable. Sex drive is quite a big issue for guys and if you constantly feel rejected it become horrible, even if you appreciate that when she doesn't feel like it she just doesn't feel like it. The only answer is to talk it through and go try to reach some compromise.
      Offline

      2
      ReputationRep:
      (Original post by natasha4898)
      Omg definitely ditch him he obviously doesn't care about YOU so ditch him there's plenty of guys who don't just want sex


      Posted from TSR Mobile
      lmao there's two types of guys in this world: Guys who are in a relationship and want sex and liars.

      To OP: At least he's being honest.
     
     
     
    Reply
    Submit reply
    TSR Support Team

    We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

    Updated: January 9, 2017
  1. See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  2. Poll
    Did TEF Bronze Award affect your UCAS choices?
  3. See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  4. The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.