Turn on thread page Beta
    • Thread Starter

    After spending lots of time watching videos on what makes a good application... i heard a few people say:
    ''don't make it sound false/cliche or something you wouldn't say in person''
    ... how true is this?

    My sister checked my ucas app and edited it and sent me her version. One of her lines is:
    ''When my pen hits the paper, I feel new ideas start to flow''.
    That sounds really fake and not something a student would put. Is it good putting stuff like that? She said i could sound more passionate but it just sounds cliche and fake... i have included examples of stuff that proves i have an interest. But I'm not saying '' I'm truly capitvated by it. It takes me to another place''... that sort of stuff.

    Am i wrong? is she wrong? are we both wrong?

    P.s. I personally wont use that line now... partly because of how they check plagiarism so it might get flagged.

    That's not a good line, I agree, and the syntax is off ("I feel" is out of place).

    That you wouldn't say it in person is irrelevant; no-one writes precisely as they speak and if they do they aren't a very good writer or orator. The way to avoid a forced impression is to simply avoid altogether any pronouncements of that passion, and rather let your interests and subject knowledge express it indirectly, since enthusiasm is expressed not stated. Instead of saying, for example, "I am passionate about political philosophy", talk of particularly interesting philosophers you have read in and out of school and those you look forward to studying at university. Why are they interesting? Why are their implications important? How will your learning their work shape your education and future plans? etc.

    (Original post by macromicro)
    enthusiasm is expressed not stated. Instead of saying, for example, "I am passionate about political philosophy", talk instead of particularly interesting philosophers you have read
    Excellent advice. Show, don't tell.
    • Thread Starter

    Thanks a lot! I have removed that sort of stuff and replaced it with industry related interests i have and international affairs relating to it. And event I have been to.

University open days

  • Southampton Solent University
    All faculties Undergraduate
    Sun, 18 Nov '18
  • University of Bradford
    All faculties Undergraduate
    Wed, 21 Nov '18
  • Buckinghamshire New University
    All Faculties Postgraduate
    Wed, 21 Nov '18
Black Friday: Yay or Nay?
Applying to uni

All the essentials

The adventure begins mug

Student life: what to expect

What it's really like going to uni

Graduates celebrate

How to write a good personal statement

Expert PS advice from the people who will read it

Uni match

Uni match

Can't decide where to apply? Our tool will help you find the perfect course

Two students working together

A-Z of universities

Read our guides to unis and colleges from around the UK

A student working on a computer

Personal statement help

Use our tool to get your ideal PS quickly!

Hands typing

Degrees without fees

Discover more about degree-level apprenticeships.

A student looking down a microscope

Planning open days

Find upcoming open days and get advice on preparing.

Help out other students

These questions still need an answer

Groups associated with this forum:

View associated groups

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.